...to feel envious towards people who actually ENJOY looking after young children/babies?

[PacificDogwood]

Well, am I?

I am very lucky to have the size of family I hoped for.
So, ok, I don't go gooey at the sight of a newborn, but still kind of thought I would enjoy looking after babies/toddler/school aged children.
Not all the time, but sometimes.

I just don't.
I find it a relentless slog of repetitive nonsense, and I don't mean the washing/dressing/feeding etc, but the dealing with older kids' fighting, 3 year olds insanity temper tantrums and active 1 year old's.... well, active/climbing/teething/ 'normal' behaviour.

And I know all this will pass and I will mourn its passing.
But I still don't enjoy it.
And am envious of parents it seems to come to so much more effortlessly.
How do others cope with the total loss of control over their lives??

i agree there is a pernicious media coverage that working mum is harmful and usually accompanied by an alarmist narrative, of a have it all and failed frazzled woman and her dysfunctional life. and of course the obligatory martyr mummy who gave it all up for the widdle ones.so heroic as she eschews mere money and career - gave it all up for her children...what an achievement

Unchallenged is the premise that housewife doesnt work, her partner does and its ok for him to work and be out house full time. but not mum oh no siree. reinforcing stereotypical roles and women know your place

Pacific - you need Nanny McPhee!!

everyone needs nanny mcphee.government nanny.yes please

Yes, please, send Nanny McPhee our way!

I would like to see a lot more press articles about all the women who enjoy their work work full time and have happy families but it's not a model that makes people read papers, presumably. Anyway all is good because as always most women work and there are fewer barriers to women taking most jobs than there were so it's all to paly for as long as not too many mothers lose their nerve and give up so that is no pool of talented women from whom to pick top jobs which remains a big issue.

completely agree.less mummy martyrs giving it all up.and realistic coverage of the working parents and mums who work and dont feel guilty about it. thats another media creation.guilt torn frazzled mum at work dreaming of fluff and fold at home

Absolutely, scottishmummy. I nearly started a thread on here once entitled 'should I feel guilty for not feeling guilty about going back to work'? I really didn't - skipped off without looking back and it was the best thing I ever did. When I'm at work, I don't forget about my family. I often wonder if DS is head first in the sandpit at nursery as usual... But I don't sit there doing my job wishing I was at home wiping arses and cooking. I'm too busy, for a start.

Working parents need support whether that is paid for or not though. I couldn't do it without my DH, my DH couldn't do it without me. Our cleaner is a god send. If one of us needed to go away frequently or work longer hours we'd need a nanny. But that type of work would come with the sort of wage which would make a nanny a viable choice.

I so agree with the OP. I am on maternity leave with DD2 and am looking forward to returning to work. I have done a couple of KIT days and they felt like a break. I love my girls and was looking forward to this time with both of them, but it is relentless. Most days are fine, some days are great and some days I want to cry!! If I could go back to work tomorrow I would, and will do in a couple of months. I feel bad about this and wish I was more natural at it and had endless patience but I don't.

I do agree with some of Xenia's posts though (but not all) and hope that I am setting my DDs a good example of being financially independent and working. I would hate the thought that all they want when they grow up is to be a Mum and Wife, both great things to be but hope they will want them as well as a career of their own.

I am lucky that until now we have only had to rely on GPs 2 days a week as I work 4 days a week and DH 3 days. From November DD1 will have to go to nursery one day a week but having seen how much she has grown in confidence from 2 mornings a week in preschool I think she will benefit from this. I am sure that 24/7 with Mummy isn't the best thing for my girls, they benefit from the variety of childcare they have and the fabulous relationships they have with both sets of GPs and DH.

I never liked the baby stage, and it was not a stage that came naturally to me. My DDs are older now (7 and 4) and I love being a parent. I think the following things were my godsends...

Working part time. I'm lucky that I work mornings, and term time only so I am around pretty much when my DDs are not at school. I love just going back to being me, rather than being mum. I wouldn't give up my job for anything - If I won the lottery, I probably would reduce my hours a bit (I teach, so have a lot of evening planning etc), but would still work. I think when you have children it helps me to keep sane!

Benign neglect. I'm a great believer in it. OP - yours are a bit young for this yet, but one of my rules to stop the fighting that you go on about, is to say to my children that if they're fighting over something, they need to sort it out themselves or if I step in, I'll take it away from both of them. Its amazing what little negotiators they have become (having learnt the hard way) and even my four year old now will say to her friends / sister.... 'let's compromise - if you xxx then I'll xxx'.

Finally, don't feel guilty about not enjoying the baby stage. I have to say I see people with babies now and get an overwhelming urge of emotion - usually its 'thank god that stage is behind me'. I'd never want to go back to the baby / toddler stage now. Older children are just so much more me, and so much more fun. I'm loving being a mum to older children. Its the best and I don't feel guilty about not enjoying the baby stage - because I didn't want a baby. I wanted children. Different people enjoy different ages - and that's nothing to feel guilty about.