...to feel envious towards people who actually ENJOY looking after young children/babies?

[PacificDogwood]

Well, am I?

I am very lucky to have the size of family I hoped for.
So, ok, I don't go gooey at the sight of a newborn, but still kind of thought I would enjoy looking after babies/toddler/school aged children.
Not all the time, but sometimes.

I just don't.
I find it a relentless slog of repetitive nonsense, and I don't mean the washing/dressing/feeding etc, but the dealing with older kids' fighting, 3 year olds insanity temper tantrums and active 1 year old's.... well, active/climbing/teething/ 'normal' behaviour.

And I know all this will pass and I will mourn its passing.
But I still don't enjoy it.
And am envious of parents it seems to come to so much more effortlessly.
How do others cope with the total loss of control over their lives??

Pacific, I think you're asking a question that is almost akin to "why do some people like cats and others like dogs?" Of course some people like both, some people hate both but others have a decided preference and there isn't always a rational reason, it's just down to different personalities.

It may also be to do with how much "activity" you need to not get bored. I for one don't need to be doing stuff all the time. I like quiet time, no tv, no radio, no music (I'm oddish, I believe) and I had no problems spending time with DS when he was a teeny baby as well. I didn't get bored - he fascinated me! He still does. People might construe from that that I am a low-intellect person but they'd be very wrong - I just don't need my brain to be working hard all day long, it can happily take time out for hours at a time, if needs be. This is very beneficial on 24h flights.

I for one could seriously do with a few slaves about the place...

It is totally different when a child you are looking after/child of a friend has a tantrum to when your own child goes insane for no reason.

i liked mat leave maybe because i knew it was finite and returning to work

the nursery staff at my nursery are all well qualified inc graduates
they are v good at their chosen career.

How would you know you are at work all day.

I am sure they are perfect when the parents come and go you have no idea what happens when you are not there.

And why does ''graduates'' have to be mentioned does that make them ''special''

DH keeps suggesting a Swedish au-pair with a dirty grin on his face, to which my standard reply is that I have no objection to a 6' 4'' Swedish au-pair called Bjorn .

I also ment to mention about messy play/arts and crafts: I would love to something with my guys; I used to love messing about with paints and glue, but they are not overly interested and it always ends in, literally, tears - theirs and/mine. Yep, need to adjust expectations.

And also, I'd be perfectly happy with doing nothing much, pottering about the house, but can't due to frequent fighting. Whoever said a 4 year age-gap would make for less competiveness than the 1 year age gap, was just plain wrong as far as my lot goes. DS2 and DS3 are the worst combination. If they are in one room together, fur flies .

Mat leave was an utter and total necessity for me (I had 6 months each time) due to high needs/unsettled babies (DS1 and DS4), medical problems (preemie DS2, emCS) and just sheer overwhelmedness (all of them ).

I remember my childhood as overall happy, both in my relationship to my brother and to my parents. And that is what I would like for my kids: that they can look back and say 'I had a happy childhood'. And maybe they will - hopefully. I have friends who'll say 'my sib and I fought like cat and dog until we were in our 20s' and I want to stick my fingers in my ears and go 'Lalalalalala'...
There are plenty of fun times too; I just hope they will remember them more than their mother shouting like a banshee or the hitting and kicking (like I said, them, not me ).

They are currently racing 2 RC cars down the staircase - oh well, I always fancied F&B's Elephant's Breath on my landing .

Oh, ment to say, thumbwitch, you are of course right: unanswerable question.
So who can I complain to that I don't have that childcare gift?? The same entity that makes me crave chocolate, have denial as my main coping mechanism and who gave me annoying frizzy hair?!

lol,of course i abandon my kids to daycare orphanage.how would i know good rapport, good structure, adherence to good partice. are you suggesting only housewifes have such visionary gifts.

there i was thinking i do visit nursery,
do spontaneously drop in
do know good childcare when i see it
know the staff turn over is virtually nil

and i dont live life on what ifs.as it would make world v sinister and dark place. i accept potential risk and seek to minimise but pragmatically cant eradicate risk

it is alarmist to dredge up dodgy nurseries
i could equally do a cursory goggle search of seemingly perfect parents gone wrong.but i wont

Good job your nursery is run and staffed by graduates then, cause that makes them better i suppose.

as i said i dont live on what ifs we all make leaps of faith as parents. no guarantees. but vast majority of abuse is perpetrated at home,by those one would expect to trust.not by paid nursery staff

Agreed.

But it does happen.

Anyway we digress.

Not everybody that has children enjoys looking after them, its a shame for the kids but hey ho....thats their look out I suppose and you reap what you sow.

your what if logic makes every situation dangerous, everyone a potential danger and whilst you may be able to recall specifics.that doesn't mean it will be replicated in every situation

thats the hard thing about being a parent.knowing the potential risks but encouraging growth,spontaneity in safe way

Agreed with the above post.

Ah, but do my darling offspring not also reap what they sow? Contented kids, relaxed me = more fun stuff happening.

scottishmummy, the current climate of risk aversion/artificially inflated anxiety in the face of perceived risks is one of my bugbears. I refuse to live in a constant state of fear over what might happen, but some people are horrified that my 8 year old is alone at home at times (his choice), my 7 year old goes to the corner shop for me on his own, my 3 year old uses his scooter whithout full-body padding and DS4 is an evil, climbing genius who known no fear and has the bumps to prove it !
The tree we used to climb in my grans garden still exists and I now look at the size of it and the paved path underneath it and am grateful to my parents that they allowed us to climb it, built a tree house for us, and ensured a sense of achievement and thrill for every afternoon spent in that tree.

Enjoying the thread now.

(a) Housewives aren't always better as being a parent. Often they are less well educated and gave up work as they never had much of a job. They know less child psychology and bring up their children worse
(b) Graduates may indeed be better parents - see (a) above.

As said above most abuse is at home by the parent, often the mother. The 24/7 mother alone with child can be dangerous. If you have granny living with you and older adult children as I do etc then there are so many people around. In our case ther eis often someone working for us here too, cleaner etc. That in a sense does protect children as if you are fed up with them or they with you they can just move to the next adult who is available. It's a much nicer more natural model.

Most parents I know who work full time and p resumably some of the husbands of this thread enjoy their children but simply do not want to do the dull unpaid droiss 24./7. Hardly any culture ever has for obviously reasons, although those may be reasons the non graduates and lower IQ housewives obviously would not understand.

Why would you want payment for looking after your own children? I know lots of housewives that have a good education. Stop making sweeping statements Xenia.

some espouse the sahm its a job.haha
no. housewifery isnat a job,and nor can it legitimately demand a payment

Xenia, I hope your job isn't in PR

I would dispute your assertion that housewives are often less well educated. I think the poorly educated are more likely to be in full time employment because they are in lower paid jobs and need to earn the money. Possibly graduates (who earn more money) have the luxury of choice. I don't think that one is better at parenting than the other. Parenting is about much more than formal education and not everyone can do it well, regardless of their qualifications.

Education is not an indicator of intelligence either, more an indicator of opportunity.

I think that you are so keen to sell the idea that being with your own children on a full time basis is a bad idea, purely because you didn't want to be with yours. That's your prerogative, but don't come it, by saying that full time mothers are dangerous and more likely to harm their dc.

There are abusive people in the world - some of them are sahp, some of them are not. Neither situation causes the abuse, the abuser would be an abuser no matter what they did for a living.

Nobody enjoys what they do for a living all the time and the same is true for parents looking after their children full time. The trick is to enjoy it more often than you hate it. I think you do that by slowing down and going at the children's pace a bit more, cutting back on all unnecessary stressors such as extracurricular activities that are hard to fit in, lowering your standards in practically all areas and not comparing yourself to other parents. You have to make sure you regularly do adult stuff and have adult company though or you go quietly bonkers.