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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Fed up with boys in women's changing rooms at pool

632 replies

Clary · 16/08/2011 00:40

Not really AIBU, more may I rant please?

Actually wrote longer post then seem to have lost it, but wanted to moan about number of big lads I have spotted lately in women's changing rooms at pool. Rule is 8yo and over go in correct sex room.

I tend to say nothing having been verbally attacked before, and also told I W A bit U; but today I did query it with a woman and was told such nonsense as "they won't let them go in the men's as they are too young" (they were 9 and 10) and "nobody uses the men's anyway" (??!!).

Told the staff and they said they would tell the women when she came out; but really, why do people think their 10yo boy must change in the women's? What 10yo boywants to anyway? I am not mad about him standing there as I get changed and if I were a 14yo girl I would probably be very unhappy.

The woman today said "well, all the mums will be washing their kids after the swim" eh?? My 8yo can be a bit hopeless but even he can manage a reasonable shower and dress deal. What is the matter with people?

And breathe. Vent over, thanks for listening Smile

OP posts:
MadamDeathstare · 16/08/2011 00:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kiwimumof2boys · 16/08/2011 00:46

Wow 9 and 10 ? that is way too old. I currently let DS change with me, but he is 3 and we have 'family changing rooms' which are great.
Nah I would not want a gawking 10 year old staring at my tits !

kiwimumof2boys · 16/08/2011 00:47

Oh and YANBU
Yeah you should write to the manager too.

saintlyjimjams · 16/08/2011 00:50

Oh last time I was on mn this was a hot thread . 12 year old severely autistic, no mixed disabled rooms, can't go swimming, summarises my position.

Personally it doesn't bother me to have a 9 year old boy standing there. Ds2 is 9 and far more interested in roblox than tits.

TottWriter · 16/08/2011 00:55

My local pool has (or had, they refurbished recently and I haven't seen the new layout) a mixture. There were large, open, single sex changing rooms (though these had some individual cubicles in them) but there was also a provision for families, in the form of a whole row of family cubicles, maybe seven or eight of them. They were large enough probably for a family of five, though the baby change tables in each took up a lot of space.

I think it is important to stick by the rules for this, and also to trust your children to put their clothes on by themselves! Surely at 9/10 this isn't unreasonable? What do they do if they go swimming with the school ffs?

startail · 16/08/2011 00:57

The problem is they dawdle and chatter and it's an absolute pitta for the mothers of boys waiting around outside unable to prod them. My friend used to resort to sending her younger DDs into extract DS1.

ChippingIn · 16/08/2011 00:58

This usually really kicks off and goes on for pages!

My stance is that if they are NT and can't be trusted to change in the mens by 8 years old, then go somewhere with family changing rooms and look at your parenting skills

ChippingIn · 16/08/2011 01:01

startail - yes, it may be a pain for the mothers if their sons dawdle and chat... but they are their sons, the girls shouldn't have to put up with them because of that. Tell them they have 15 mins and if they aren't out of there on time you wont be doing x. The solution is for them to parent their kids effectively - not inflict them on someone else to save themselves the bother Hmm

AmberLeaf · 16/08/2011 01:07

Do boys turn into gawping perverts at 9-10 yrs old then?

Lonnie · 16/08/2011 01:08

My 9 year old havent wanted to come with us since he was 6.. We went to the cinema THursday and haldway through we both needed the toilet he was hugely uncomfortable with using the ladies as the mens was out of order I had to coach him in and that was in the middle of the film so no one around

AmberLeaf · 16/08/2011 01:08
CardyMow · 16/08/2011 01:14

FGS DS2 has asd, is nearly 8yo, needs help drying and dressing after swimming, and I'm a single mum - WTF am I MEANT to do when the only options are to have him in the ladies (no cubicles here just benches) Or for me to go into the mens and help him?????

This old chestnut again, Yes, My NT 9yo goes on his own into the mens to change, but my almost 8yo can't and probably wont be able to for a long time. FGS it's not like he looks at you and thinks oooh sexy, he's standing there saying "my feet are wet why are my feet wet when i'm not swimming now what if the swimming pool was bigger than all the world can you make my feet not wet anymore mummy".

GROW UP. I'm sure you're not that amazingly knockout beautiful that every boy over the age of 7yo will see you as a sex object. Hmm

TottWriter · 16/08/2011 01:31

I don't think people are talking about children with ASD, loudlass. If your son still needs help getting dressed that is a different matter entirely, and it should be pretty obvious to everyone else there. If, however, a 9/10yo is perfectly capable of dressing himself, there is no reason for him to be in the ladies' changing rooms.

I'm not fussed if a child happens to see me nude, but an age limit has to be drawn somewhere, and 8/9 for an NT child (who will be in the majority) seems fine to me.

ChippingIn · 16/08/2011 01:35

Amber - yes they do. Why should young girls have to have boys in their changing rooms?

What exactly is your definition of 'kicked off' Hmm

Loudlass - there should be more family facilities to make everyones life better. You have no choice but to do what you do and that's fine - if there's just the occasional boy in there who needs to be in there the girls can wait - and there would only be the occasional boy in there if the Mums of NT boys would stop mollycoddling them.

I personally don't care if there are boys in there - but I don't think young girls should have to have boys in there.

MrsBananaGrabber · 16/08/2011 01:43

Kiwimumof2boys........I really don't think a 10 year old boy would be interested in your tits my love, have you ever met a 10 yo boy, they would rather die than look at a middle aged woman's tits, mine won't even walk past the bras in a shop, ha ha ha.

AmberLeaf · 16/08/2011 01:45

TottWriter

I don't think people are talking about children with ASD, loudlass. If your son still needs help getting dressed that is a different matter entirely, and it should be pretty obvious to everyone else there.

Thats the trouble though, it isnt 'pretty obvious' in the example of a boy with ASD.

Chippingin seeing as it was you that said these threads usually 'kick off' I would think you would know what I mean!

You really think boys turn into perverts at 9-10 yrs of age?!

Why is it a problem for young girls to have boys share the same space as them in a changing room?

TottWriter · 16/08/2011 01:50

Amberleaf - I was replying more specifically to loudlass, as she was saying she had to help her son get dressed. It would be pretty obvious to me that a child was there for a reason if that were the case.

Then again, my brother has ADHD and processing problems, maybe I just notice that sort of thing more than most. Grin I do know what you mean though. There came a point with my brother where my mum wouldn't trust him on his own, but he could still do most things himself. (Apart from tying shoelaces, he was in his late teens before he got that one - my mum gave up and got him velcro shoes in the end.)

AmberLeaf · 16/08/2011 01:56

Yes I know what you mean about noticing stuff like that!

My DS is 8 and has ASD, he can dress himself, in fact he wouldnt let me touch him to help, but he would still need me there IYSWIM?

To others he would very likely look like a 'normal' 8 yr old [actually he looks older-hes big for his age] and people would probably think 'WTF is he doing in here?'

This is actually why we dont go swimming.

Dorje · 16/08/2011 02:00

A 9 yo boy can have an erection and can have viable sperm - that's why they should be in the man's change room Amber. 'children' are developing earlier and earlier these days.

I'd write to the manager. No boy over 7/8 in the womens' / girls' change room.

What are mummies thinking of, and doing, that their young lads can't shower by themselves at this advanced age? It's not like they have flowing locks to get the shampoo out of.
OMG Just think how useless they'll be as men / fathers, spoon-fed as they are now....

Please tell me OP that that mummy didn't have to wipe their bums too.....

DumSpiroSpero · 16/08/2011 02:12

Instead of turning it into a mums of girls vs. mums of boys debate, perhaps we should suggest Mumsnet start a campaign for swimming pools to provide better facilities.

I just have the one girl who is nearly 7 and is quite uncomfortable changing in front of younger boys let alone older ones, but up to a point that's something she just has to live with if necessary (not often as luckily we do have pretty good facilities at our local pool).

I amazed at the number of posts on threads like this one that indicate a lot of pools don't have any family changing facilities.

Older boys shouldn't be in women's changing rooms in an ideal world, but equally there are difficult circumstances for some people and they're not always obvious so something fairly radical clearly needs to be done.

LaLaLaLayla · 16/08/2011 02:13

What does NT mean?

MadamDeathstare · 16/08/2011 02:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TottWriter · 16/08/2011 02:20

LaLaLa - NT = neurologically typical.

In other words "normal".

And Dorje - the thread has deviated slightly to point out that some boys might need to be there due to not falling into the above category. They don't have a flashing neon light on their head, and as Amberleaf reminded me, they are not always easy to recognise if you aren't familiar with ASD or other problems.

TottWriter · 16/08/2011 02:22

DumSpiroSpero - that's not a bad idea actually. I've certainly had my eyes open too. It's amazing what you take for granted sometimes!

Surely disability legislation ought to mean that there should be larger cubicles at swimming pools, or some provision at least.

DumSpiroSpero · 16/08/2011 02:25

Exactly Tott! Seems ridiculous that the people that build/run swimming pools don't seem to think of these issues.

We are very lucky - our local council pool has men's and women's changing rooms and a family room. The women's area has an open changing area plus cubicles including a couple of double-sized ones so it's not something we tend to have a problem with. I should add that the pool in question is considered so dated and decrepit a new one is currently being built, so it's not a shiny new, right-on type of thing at all Grin!