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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Fed up with boys in women's changing rooms at pool

632 replies

Clary · 16/08/2011 00:40

Not really AIBU, more may I rant please?

Actually wrote longer post then seem to have lost it, but wanted to moan about number of big lads I have spotted lately in women's changing rooms at pool. Rule is 8yo and over go in correct sex room.

I tend to say nothing having been verbally attacked before, and also told I W A bit U; but today I did query it with a woman and was told such nonsense as "they won't let them go in the men's as they are too young" (they were 9 and 10) and "nobody uses the men's anyway" (??!!).

Told the staff and they said they would tell the women when she came out; but really, why do people think their 10yo boy must change in the women's? What 10yo boywants to anyway? I am not mad about him standing there as I get changed and if I were a 14yo girl I would probably be very unhappy.

The woman today said "well, all the mums will be washing their kids after the swim" eh?? My 8yo can be a bit hopeless but even he can manage a reasonable shower and dress deal. What is the matter with people?

And breathe. Vent over, thanks for listening Smile

OP posts:
Pagwatch · 16/08/2011 07:54

I think people are also leaping on the NT label in an eye rolling 'label for everything' 'PC gorn mad' and actually it is perfectly reasonable and helpful to some of us.

It isn't some meaningless label. It helps me have conversations about my dc when i am comparing them without having to resort to horrible things like 'normal'. I can say " ds2 has autism and would find that really difficult but ds1 is nt and tis a piece of piss for him.
I don't want to describe ds1 as normal because I don't like the things it inferes about ds2.

No one just bandies it about in random conversation. It is just helpful shorthand that is less offensive to me than most alternatives

WiiUnfit · 16/08/2011 07:56

OP, a 14yo girl would be embarrassed with anyone in the changing room at the same time!

Pagwatch · 16/08/2011 07:57

X-posted with cheerful who said it better than I did. Smile

mummyosaurus · 16/08/2011 07:59

Yes 9 and 10 is too old.

Our pool has family cubicles. I try to use these with my 4 yo DS (who is quite tall and does look a bit older, maybe 5 or 6, because I have got glares in the women's changing room.

exoticfruits · 16/08/2011 07:59

YANBU.
If the rule says 8yrs everyone should complain when it is broken.
I am surprised that DSs don't stand up to their mothers and point blank refuse the embarrassment of being taken to the ladies-you wouldn't have got mine in one.
A 9yr old DS couldn't walk into the ladies alone and get changed-he only gets away with it because he is with mother and people don't like to challenge her. I think we should all challenge these women and make them follow the rules.
On another thread a mother is complaining because her 7yr old DD was asked to put her bikini top on. It is all part of the same thing and double standards. A terrific fear of men and then wide eyed innocence as to why anyone should be bothered about the nakedness of a 7yr old-and no understanding that men realise this and want to avoid any possibility of being compromised-however slight.

gomez · 16/08/2011 08:00

The needs of a boy 8/9/10 boy NT or not do not override the needs of my 11 yr old girl with developing breasts and body hair. Or the elderly lady in the corner or the highly embarrassed 40 yr. old. Parents be they single or not should be able to sympathise and relate to all not only the need of their child.

As an aside my daughter has in the past chosen to change in the toilets Amberleaf in preference to sharing a communal space with a trio of boys. It wasn't so bad. And prevented her refusing to go swimming. The adult accompanying of the boys had the gall to laugh, roll her eyes and tut 'Girls, eh'. I was furious. She wished she hadn't.

Bubbaluv · 16/08/2011 08:00

Just saw this and it made me giggle

7th one down

ledkr · 16/08/2011 08:01

I must admit i have never heard of nt but my niece has ds and her mum often asks my opinion on her behaviour probs,a lot of our conversations are based on comparisons of what is expected from children without a disability of the same age,i cant use "normal" sometimes that comparison needs to be discussed.

Pagwatch · 16/08/2011 08:02

Fwiw.
If there are no sn involved then boys should get changed in the mens aged over 8.

I send dd into the changing rooms alone because it is good for her. She should be attending to her personal care and being independent - life skills are important. Boys aged 10 in with their mummies (again, unless there are sn) are not being helped.
They will be some of the shockingly large number of 16, 17,18 year old boys who can't cook or clean or take care of themselves. Independence is a gift.

ScarlettIsWalking · 16/08/2011 08:05

YANBU

exoticfruits · 16/08/2011 08:06

DCs get changed on their own-in double quick time with coaches waiting-in school swimming lessons without their mothers. If they are a bit damp or drop their sock in a puddle they manage.

I am going to have a policy of complaining to the management every time I see a mother breaking the rules.

exoticfruits · 16/08/2011 08:08

They shouldn't be in the ladies toilets either.I have to say that I never see this in RL but it appears to be thought reasonable on MN.

exoticfruits · 16/08/2011 08:09

Rant away Clary-there are lots of us with you-probably even more people are with you who don't have DCs.

Sirzy · 16/08/2011 08:10

There is no need for a 10 year old without special needs to be dressed by his mum, or for him not to go into the men's changing room.

We went swimming with school from age 8 and everyone managed to get themselves ready in the right changing area with no problems!

ledkr · 16/08/2011 08:11

Me too exotic-take no prisoners Grin Id like to know how a ten yr old boy would feel if girls wandered into the toilets whilst they were using the urinals!
Once again ,i dont see why dd should be in the ladies alone struggling into her knickers cos she hasnt dried herself properly and have the whole thing made harder by older boys from her school having a good glare as she squirms under her towel

vividgingerchilli · 16/08/2011 08:13

As the mother of two sons, I do not want boys who are 10 years old in the ladies changing rooms; I just don't think it is appropriate.

If they have special needs then plan accordingly - put their trunks on under their clothes when at home and then they can remove the rest of their clothes at the pool side. No need for them to go in the ladies changing room then and much easier if they need support.

My chidren often do that so it's quicker when they get there - they like to be first in the pool.

SoupDragon · 16/08/2011 08:15

What pisses me off about these threads is that it is always about boys and demonising adult males.

vividgingerchilli · 16/08/2011 08:16

To add to that, I wouldn't send my 8+ daughter in the mens changing room with DH either.

SoupDragon · 16/08/2011 08:16

"If they have special needs then plan accordingly - put their trunks on under their clothes when at home and then they can remove the rest of their clothes at the pool side. No need for them to go in the ladies changing room then and much easier if they need support."

And just how do you propose they get dressed again?

Whatmeworry · 16/08/2011 08:17

The needs of a boy 8/9/10 boy NT or not do not override the needs of my 11 yr old girl with developing breasts and body hair

What she said.

ledkr · 16/08/2011 08:18

fwiw,i have never sent dd in to change with dh after the age of about 4 because she would stare or comment on the men and make them feel embarrassed.Btw she does see plenty of male bodies -dad and brothers but at that age would have definately liked a good stare at some different onesGrin

SoupDragon · 16/08/2011 08:24

"The needs of a boy 8/9/10 boy NT or not do not override the needs of my 11 yr old girl with developing breasts and body hair"

But, equally, the needs of a girl do not override the needs of a boy. The issue is not the ages of e children involved but the fact that there are rarely any family changing facilities. Someone has to "lose out". Which is wrong.

The complaint should not be specifically about boys in the female changing room, it should be about the lack of appropriate family changing areas.

exoticfruits · 16/08/2011 08:26

You have to bear in mind that it is quite likely to be local and that you will know people. When I was teaching I really didn't want to have taken my DSs swimming, sent them off to the men's changing rooms, and then have a boy that I taught seeing me half dressed!
(Anyone who thinks that 9/10 yr old boys have no interest in female bodies is kidding themselves)

Pagwatch · 16/08/2011 08:32

I agree soupy. And having watched a group of 13 and 14 year old girls on holiday last week pointing and laughing at younger boys, including their bodies and penis size Hmm, I am not sure why so many assume that the girls will be vulnerable in this situation.

Although the girls were also being incredibly racist about some Spanish families and a young girl with downs syndrome so I am hoping that they do not represent an entirely average set of 13/14 year old girls.

Whatmeworry · 16/08/2011 08:33

But, equally, the needs of a girl do not override the needs of a boy

Bluddy do in the womens changing area! Let them use the mens, it's what they are there for.

Last time I looked they were separating changing rooms at reception at school, why don't they just chuck em all together till 10 then?