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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Fed up with boys in women's changing rooms at pool

632 replies

Clary · 16/08/2011 00:40

Not really AIBU, more may I rant please?

Actually wrote longer post then seem to have lost it, but wanted to moan about number of big lads I have spotted lately in women's changing rooms at pool. Rule is 8yo and over go in correct sex room.

I tend to say nothing having been verbally attacked before, and also told I W A bit U; but today I did query it with a woman and was told such nonsense as "they won't let them go in the men's as they are too young" (they were 9 and 10) and "nobody uses the men's anyway" (??!!).

Told the staff and they said they would tell the women when she came out; but really, why do people think their 10yo boy must change in the women's? What 10yo boywants to anyway? I am not mad about him standing there as I get changed and if I were a 14yo girl I would probably be very unhappy.

The woman today said "well, all the mums will be washing their kids after the swim" eh?? My 8yo can be a bit hopeless but even he can manage a reasonable shower and dress deal. What is the matter with people?

And breathe. Vent over, thanks for listening Smile

OP posts:
Pagwatch · 16/08/2011 09:44

Akaemmafrost.

Hasn't everyone beyond the first few posts been talking about NT boys?

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 16/08/2011 09:46

I'm starting to think that we, as parents, are looking for somebody else to come up with every solution for us. Why can't we manage to find a commonsense one ourselves?

If I had a child that couldn't get dressed by itself, at whatever age, then I'd be looking to make life easy for myself and for them without breaking the rules. What's wrong with getting into swim wear before you leave the house and throwing your clothes on top? When you come out, if the changing rooms are busy or you want to dodge the rush hour, you think ahead - towels on the seats in the car and out you go... who cares, really?

I'd much rather the kids (and myself) shower at home, it's not a big deal to be wet for 10-15 minutes.

To be honest, if I had an SN child, that''s the way I'd do it as a matter of course, much nicer to get showered and dressed at home.

Thinking about it, that's how it used to be when we were kids - no space in changing room/repairs to it/other things to do - charge out to the car and go. No need to whine for somebody else to sort it out.

This 'overlapping' and interpretation of rules that some parents do is just ridiculous and really, a bit pathetic. Hmm

LucreziaDomina · 16/08/2011 09:46

Well quite, Pagwatch but as per we always get the indignant protests from parents whose children we are not referring to, no matter how many times that is reiterated.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 16/08/2011 09:47

x-posted with Merrymouse

LucreziaDomina · 16/08/2011 09:48

Agreed lying, and the entitlement culture of so many parents who think the rules don't apply to them and their spoilt little brats darlings.

Newsflash - they bloody well do so deal with it.

saintlyjimjams · 16/08/2011 09:49

Soupy weirdly my pool changing rooms do have big family changing rooms - certainly in the ladies but my 12 year old severely autistic son cannot use them (not allowed because they're in the ladies).

The only time he has access to the pool (in the absence of a male carer) is for one and a half hours on a Sunday morning providing there are no galas running. It used to be two hours but then the swimming pool stopped the free half hour between disabled swimming and public swimming which allowed time to change so now we have to leave the pool early.

For the record he has never stared at a girl ( oh that he'd have the interest) but he has been stared at (and laughed) at by numerous nt girls.

I find the lack of access to pool time considerably more outrageous than a nine or ten year old nt boy being in a changing room. At the beach the surfers (us included) all get changed in the car park and struggling out of a wetsuit is far more revealing than slipping into a cossy. But then I've never understood those legs akimbo drying their pubic region with abandon women anyway. Give me a 9 year old boy anyday !

LucreziaDomina · 16/08/2011 09:50

Jimjams, at our local pool there is only a two hour weekend slot for public swimming anyway. And a two hour slot for SN swimming.

halcyondays · 16/08/2011 09:58

Haven't read the whole thread but, unless they have SN, they should be able to get changed by themselves at the age of 8, surely? Most places I go to now have unisex changing areas with some family cubicles, there's never enough, but if you can't get one, you can just squeeze in an ordinary cubicle. I'm glad of it, as it makes it easier when we go as a family as we can all go in a cubicle together and dh can help with the dd's.

Ephiny · 16/08/2011 09:58

"Would you be happy with your 8 year old girl changing by herself in the men's changing rooms? "

No. Not because I think she'd be in danger though, but because that would be just as inappropriate as boys being in the women's room. I'd be happy with her changing by herself in the women's changing room though, for example if she went swimming with her dad.

Kladdkaka · 16/08/2011 10:03

What annoy me the most in the changing rooms are people who claim ownership of the cubicles. They leave their clothes in there instead of putting them in locker and throw a merry fit if they find anyone else using that cubicle while they're away. Grrrr!

exoticfruits · 16/08/2011 10:07

Any 8 yr old should be changing themselves in the appropriate place. Why would an 8yr old girl go by herself in the mens or an 8yr old boy by himself in the ladies?
Precious parents are not above the rules.

merrymouse · 16/08/2011 10:08

I don't assume that the men's changing rooms are full of paedophiles. I do think that a 7 or 8 year old child should not be put in a position where they have to deal with somebody acting inappropriately alone (as in with no other children around, not just without a parent). Isn't that part of the reason that they always get you to stay in groups on school trips?

Much as I like to think the best of humankind, sexual abuse exists, and I think entering a changing room with strangers can wait till age 9 or 10.

Anyway, a life skill I will be teaching my daughter and son (ref: another thread), will be how to get changed in a completely public places without anybody seeing any of your private bits.

By the way, I think that most single sex open changing rooms are in private gyms? Maybe that is part of the problem - a private gym is somewhere that people want to linger style their hair, having paid to be there? I tend to swim in public pools or run down lidos, where the changing rooms aren't really the selling point, and running to the car in your cossie and trackie bottoms can definitely seem more attractive.

Pagwatch, I don't think anybody has actually answered the question though - what should Akaemma do?

exoticfruits · 16/08/2011 10:08

Just move the clothes if they don't use the locker. Or I have called staff and said-'I want to use this cubicle and there are clothes in it'.

halcyondays · 16/08/2011 10:10

LyingWitch, not everybody has a car or can be home in 10-15 mins. I wouldn't want to come out of the pool on a cold day and walk for more than half an hour in wet swimming things,

Pagwatch · 16/08/2011 10:11

Ok Lucrezia. Although I am not sure who the 'we' is that get all the complaints.
Hopefully it isn't a parents of sn and parents of nt 'we' or I won't know where to change......

Pagwatch · 16/08/2011 10:14

Merrymouse.

If I had the answer then I could take ds2 swimming.
I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt when I am changing. If a big boy is in there I assume he needs help.
I can't help thinking that some of the helicopter mums might be a bit bumfuzzled to know that I am relaxed about little Timothy because I assume he has SN.

ZZZenAgain · 16/08/2011 10:20

YANBU but don't speak to the mums if they are just rude to you about it and couldn't care less how you feel, nothing will change, speak to whoever is in charge there

ZZZenAgain · 16/08/2011 10:21

no, on second thoughts, don't speak about it, write about it. Any kind of complaint is best put in writing

MoominsAreScary · 16/08/2011 10:22

What do you all do on the beach if your so precious about little boys staring at you

Sirzy · 16/08/2011 10:24

What do you mean moomins? Personally I never get undressed on the beach!

merrymouse · 16/08/2011 10:26

My reference to 8 year olds changing by themselves was about child protection issues - you know - those things that prompt the council into putting up signs at your local pool telling you not to take pictures with your phone, or to vet the people who take the swimming lessons.

Frankly, I haven't got a problem with people taking pictures. I do have a problem with a complete stranger have access to my 7 year old child when there is no other adult present when he is getting changed. Other people are perfectly OK with wearing a swimsuit, but wouldn't let a strange 8 year old see them in a bra. Horses for courses I suppose. As I said, I hate changing rooms anyway.

merrymouse · 16/08/2011 10:28

Can't resist it - what on earth is anybody doing on a beach if not getting changed to go for a swim?

Pagwatch · 16/08/2011 10:32

Tbh I want to know how anyone gets a 10 year old boy to go into the womens changing rooms? Ds1 was going on the train on his own at 10. He would have died of shame if I had tried to take him in the ladies....

halcyondays · 16/08/2011 10:33

They aren't little boys at 9 or 10 though, are they Moomins? It's naive to think that boys of that age don't notice girls' and women's bodies. I'm surprised that so many places don't have cubicles, never been to a pool like that. If they don't have cubicles, They should have them. If there are no cubicles, I wouldn't mind older boys being there who genuinely need to be because of SN, but I have no patience for those who have 10 year olds in the ladies changing area, just because they mollycoddle them and think the men's is full of pedo's. Yes, I do know that you can't always tell if children have SN.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 16/08/2011 10:34

halcyondays... I wouldn't either. Would you really go swimming on cold, wet days? I can't imagine the sheer willpower I'd need to get the kids walking home with damp hair. Shock

Apologies though for assuming everyone has access to transport.