Fed up with boys in women's changing rooms at pool

[Clary]

Not really AIBU, more may I rant please?

Actually wrote longer post then seem to have lost it, but wanted to moan about number of big lads I have spotted lately in women's changing rooms at pool. Rule is 8yo and over go in correct sex room.

I tend to say nothing having been verbally attacked before, and also told I W A bit U; but today I did query it with a woman and was told such nonsense as "they won't let them go in the men's as they are too young" (they were 9 and 10) and "nobody uses the men's anyway" (??!!).

Told the staff and they said they would tell the women when she came out; but really, why do people think their 10yo boy must change in the women's? What 10yo boywants to anyway? I am not mad about him standing there as I get changed and if I were a 14yo girl I would probably be very unhappy.

The woman today said "well, all the mums will be washing their kids after the swim" eh?? My 8yo can be a bit hopeless but even he can manage a reasonable shower and dress deal. What is the matter with people?

And breathe. Vent over, thanks for listening

Bubbaluv - I liked that - wonder if they get a lot of it?

I personally don't care about my own body being seen and have grown up in a very relaxed naked body family - but am also very aware that not everyone is like this, but as others have said, family lockable changing rooms combat all of this really. Also easier to all be together I find.

I have to say the statement of boys having errections and sperm was hilarious - yes that is always at the forefront of my mind when i go swimming - must watch out for the scary sperm laden childs penis. The hazards of of public pools these days eh.........

YANBU

When my brother was 6yrs old he gave a running commentary on the breasts of every woman showering/changing in a large open showering and adjoined changing area of a pool, (in a lovely Scandinavian country). Along the lines of: "Ooh look Mum, she's got really wobbly ones". My mother could not get him to shut up and got us out of there in double time (still dripping).
Needless to say, she didn't take us swimming again.

His behaviour would have humiliated any teen or pre-teen girl.

Often wondered whether my brothers reaction was due to coming from a prudish country, where we never had open change rooms, and maybe he would not have been so obsessive if he'd grown up with open change rooms all along?

It is the old double standards again. DCs in primary schools used to all get changed for PE together but, after complaints from parents, many separate them from yr 5. They still have their underwear on. Now women are saying that a yr5 boy must be in with mummy, regardless of the girls who might not like it.
I can't see the point of separate changing for PE and then in with the women and girls at the swimming pool.
If a 10yr old couldn't walk into the ladies changing room on his own-why is it different if he walks in with mum?

It not the nudity thing that bothers me about situations/threads like this. It the assumption of 'some' people that the rules don't apply to them/their children/only when it works in their favour.

Rules are rules, they are there for a reason.
Don't agree with it, well then don't attend that place/ complain and get it changed, don't ignore it and encourage your children to ignore it too

Whatmeworry, you have spectacularly missed my point.

This is a two-way issue. My pool has open areas, one male, one female, no cubicles, and a rule that children seven and up must go into their own areas. I feel uncomfortable when girls of seven, eight, nine, even (I guess) ten are in the men's changing room and I have occasionally complained to their fathers, who always explain that "she can't manage on her own" or "they would take forever if they went alone together" - which is not my problem, it's his.

It's not just my privacy - although that is as important to me as a woman's is to her - I also feel vulnerable and concerned if there is a direct line of sight between my eyes and a naked girl of that age, which there will be if she is running from the showers while I am going to them before I swim. I avert my eyes but who knows what a father might think and allege?

So yes, the rule of seven should be firmly enforced. For all children. I know some children have problems but adjustments only have to be made if they are reasonable and it is not reasonable to expect adults to accept the presence of older children while they (the adults) are in a state of undress. Take the child to the pool in swimming gear under their clothes, after the swim dry them off and sit them on a towel in the car or on the bus. Not ideal but a fair compromise between their needs and others' rights.

ledkr and dumspirospero - you want family rooms everywhere. As Tommy Cooper would say, just like that. Many pools just have no space to spare - and even if they have that would make the rest of the changing area overcrowded.

Sorry if this is long and a bit rantish but I feel strongly about it - as you may have guessed.

The pools I went to as a child had cubicles. No open changing at all. This would solve the problem.
Pools I have been to with the chidren often have single cubicles and family cubicles. This would solve the problem.
Other pools I have been to have mixed sex changing, all cubicles. Some single, some family. This would solve the problem.

Soupdragon:you have pointed out three solutions but in a world of limited resources - and limited space - there are pools where none of them are or can be available and in that case . . . well, see my previous post.

Just because they were designed poorly is no excuse though is it?

I'm really at how many open single-sex changing areas there still seem to be. I haven't come across any since the early 1980s, and I have been to numerous pools of various degrees of 'modern-ness'. The minimum facilities have been curtained cubicles, with the vast majority having proper, full door, lockable cubicles. Single sex areas have been limited to showers and toilets.

Personally I would avoid a pool with open changing. Wet swimming costumes are awkward things to change out of, and I would feel just as uncomfortable changing in front of a 10 year old girl as a 10 year old boy, or any woman for that matter.

Would you be happy with your 8 year old girl changing by herself in the men's changing rooms? I know that sounds a bit flippant, but really that is the concern that people have. Most of us aren't too worried about our children losing the odd sock or coming out half dressed. We are worried about young children going into an enclosed space into which we have no access with people we haven't even seen. A 10 year old should be able to do this (many of them will be catching a bus to secondary school in a few months), but an 8 year old is only just out of infants. At a pool I went to recently, the age had been reduced to 7 and under. Their changing rooms even had cubicles! I think the question to be asked is "are children of this age generally mature and experienced enough to handle inappropriate approaches from strangers?".

Thankfully, councils seem to be increasingly aware of this problem, and most pools I visit have family changing rooms or at least mixed changing areas with cubicles.

I have no problem changing in front of anybody, but then I am the sort of person who changes into a wetsuit in the middle of a carpark in February. You just use a towel and plan your clothes for easy changing. I also remember very clearly that during single sex swimming classes at school we all managed to get changed without showing any body part beyond an arm or a leg.

I would certainly agree strongly with all those who have posted that you can't judge a child's ability to manage changing alone by looking at them.

Yes, Soupdragon, it is. We are where we are. Just like there are vast stretches of the Underground in London which are not step-free and cannot be made step-free. Just like there are commercial buildings witout lifts where every square inch is let so no lift can be installed without confiscating part of a tenant's property on every floor which the landlord cannot do - and rightly.

So no: if a pool cannot reasonably be modified as you propose, such as mine, parents must cope accordingly.

I only really swim at the pools at the beach here (Aus), but I have to say I've never seen anything but open change rooms except at posh gyms. Have also never heard of this issue being a problem either. Then again most people here shower in the open air showers (in their swimming costume) and just go into the change rooms to change, or change under a towel in the open (always good for a giggle when someone drops thier towel).

Until this thread I'd never heard of family change rooms.Seems to be a mountain of over-thinking going on here.

I love that my RL is so different to MN!

Sorry, not '7 and under' I meant anybody over the age of 6 had to change on their own if not accompanied by a parent of the same sex.

Andrew, we regularly change next to the pool (we go to a lot of outdoor pools). Makes the whole thing much, much easier.

Why separate sex changing rooms? Is your local pool in Saudi Arabia?

All of the pools in our large city have unisex changing villages - loads of big family cubicles. I have never once seen anyone giggling and pointing (let alone squirting sperm anywhere ).

We have cubicles but if we didn't I wouldn't want my 8 year old in the men's on his own, good thing for cubicles, he wouldn't get undressed in front of strangers anyway and certainly wouldn't have any interest in looking at anyone else naked

YANBU.
My boys are 6 and 8 and go into the mens and dress themselves and do it well and responsibly. They would not want to be in the womens.

Likewise, my developing 11 year old does NOT want boys from her school or class in the changing rooms with her while she dresses and puts on her bra just because some mothers are neurotic overprotective and should grow up.

Lucrezia, there is a bit of a difference between 2 boys getting changed together, and one boy getting changed alone.

Yabu to be using the only pool to still have separate changing areas

You're not being unreasonable, OP. The rules are there.

I do wonder at some of the parents though, and again it seems to be the mums. If you bring your boys into the changing room and, even if they are within the age limit, if you see them giggling or staring or doing anything to make another person feel uncomfortable, I would have thought that a sharp reprimand would be in order?

I think some people are pretty blinkered when it comes to other peoples' feelings but all too aware of their own.

Would you send your daughter into a unisex toilet on her own or would you go with her just incase?

Another one with an 8 year old ASD ds here. He is quite small for his age and wouldn't notice much of what is going on around him either. However he cannot dress himself without prompting at every stage and would panic OR do something ridiculous arising from his poor impulse control if told to go and change alone. So for now we go in the womens. Just wondering what anyone who has a problem with this would have me do instead?

At our local council run pool and gym it is a massive room with tons of cubicles in and everyone uses it. So there is privacy for all. There are also larger cubicles for families etc. It would be great if we could go there but they do not offer individual swimming lessons for children with SN thus we belong to the club and pay a fortune for lessons on top of the gym fee.

Quite frankly my son has enough problems in his life without me having to worry about the finer feelings of women he wouldn't even notice anyway.

Actually, it's all coming back to me. The main reason for changing next to the pool is that some swimming changing rooms are so unpleasant. I think that as long as you have a car, changing beforehand and then rushing them outside under a couple of blankets really can be the best option. Just ditch the changing room scene all together.

My boys do go in alone.
Funnily enough, I tend not to assume the mens changing rooms is choc a block with predatory peeeedos in the same way neurotic women assume their ten year old boy is asexual.