Fed up with boys in women's changing rooms at pool

[Clary]

Not really AIBU, more may I rant please?

Actually wrote longer post then seem to have lost it, but wanted to moan about number of big lads I have spotted lately in women's changing rooms at pool. Rule is 8yo and over go in correct sex room.

I tend to say nothing having been verbally attacked before, and also told I W A bit U; but today I did query it with a woman and was told such nonsense as "they won't let them go in the men's as they are too young" (they were 9 and 10) and "nobody uses the men's anyway" (??!!).

Told the staff and they said they would tell the women when she came out; but really, why do people think their 10yo boy must change in the women's? What 10yo boywants to anyway? I am not mad about him standing there as I get changed and if I were a 14yo girl I would probably be very unhappy.

The woman today said "well, all the mums will be washing their kids after the swim" eh?? My 8yo can be a bit hopeless but even he can manage a reasonable shower and dress deal. What is the matter with people?

And breathe. Vent over, thanks for listening

merry mouse, building sandcastles perhaps:) it's usually far too cold for me to wear a swimsuit on the beach, I just roll up my trousers to go for a paddle or wear shorts.

Teach your 10 year old to scream as loud as they can if anyone tries to approach them if your that worried! It's not as if they are going to be alone in there!

There is a thread about life skills-the first one that boys need is standing up to precious over-protective mothers-they need to simply state, I will not go into the ladies.

I looked up Iceland-it was certainly a shock to British school children!
Rules here note the 'walk naked to the shower'.
Someone's blog with diagram here

They certainly couldn't have 8/9yr old boys in with ladies, or the girls with the men. It is enforced, there is no way that you can disregard the rules and do your own thing.

No, I wouldn't go on a really cold wet day tbh. But unless it was a really hot day I wouldn't want to walk home in wet stuff and even then I'd only do it if, for example I was on holiday and the pool was only a couple of mins away from where we were staying.

merrymouse is talking a lot of sense here.

My own ds has changed on his own in the mens for years -He will not change in the women's - outright refuses (I wouldn't suggest it now btw! I'm talking about when he was 8-ish).

There aren't paedos on every corner. But I hated ds being alone in the changing rooms. If they're busy then that's fine, but often they appear empty and he does seem vulnerable.

With a friend or two the story is a different one.

I don't have a 10 year old. I have a 7 year old.

"It's not as if they are going to be alone in there!"

Why would that be? Because they only allow people into swimming pool changing rooms in 3's? Because there is always an attendant? Because only nice people go swimming?

I wouldn't put my 7 year old into a comparable situation anywhere else - why should I start at the swimming pool?

Anyway, I don't have to. I'll be in the car park.

At the times you take your DS swimming there are likely to be lots of people around. You need to discuss the 'what if........' so they know that they can shout loudly if not happy.
When my DS was 6 yrs I didn't like sending him off to the gents toilet-I used to hover outside, ready to go in at the first shout. The answer wasn't to take him to the ladies-he wouldn't have gone anyway.
At some point you have to let your DS go in alone-those of you with young DCs won't feel any different when he is 11yrs-but by then you have to let go.

Lucrezia - presumably there is a lot of time during the week for public swimming? Certainly when I checked out times for swimming for myself I had a choice of times at two pools. Ds1 (and therefore ds2 and ds3) has 90 minutes available per week at one pool. Simply because of changing issues - I think that's actually pretty poor. So much for an inclusive society.

I'm with pagwatch if I saw an apparently 10 year old boy in the changing rooms I'd assume they were either large for their age and younger or had issues of some sort. That would take about 2 seconds then I'd think about something else.

What I cant understand is women who have enough time to notice boys in the "wrong" place!

If I am there alone than I am more interested in making sure I manage to get my clothes on without them touching the wet floor. If the kids are with me then its the same but times ten! I wouldnt notice a full on pole dance going on as I would be too busy making sure that the right (relatively dry) clothes ended up on the right (relatively dry) child!

Off the top of my head, I'd probably get one of those poncho towels, put that over their head and then get them to take off their trunks,get dry, put their pants and trousers on and then they can just take of the poncho towel and put their top on.

That do?

Bogeyface, I couldn't give a monkey's who sees my wrinkly old saggy body but my developing eleven year old does care if boys near enough her own age are in there!

And it is her absolute right not to have them in herchanging rooms because their mothers are too drippy to sort it out!

"At the times you take your DS swimming there are likely to be lots of people around"

Actually, at the local outdoor pool in February, we have often been the only ones in the pool. DS does go into the gent's toilets by himself. Stripping off in a changing room with a strange man is quite different, if for no other reason that I am not standing outside waiting to see if he is OK, I am the other side of the pool building helping my 4 year daughter get changed.

Except we're not. From now on it's poolside or in the car park if the changing room situation is a bit rubbish.

By the way I fully expect DS to be able to manage this kind of thing for himself when he is 9 or 10, but he is not 10, he is 7. I do not expect all 10 year olds to be able to manage changing by themselves, and couldn't give a fig about all the 10 year olds, 20 year olds and 80 year olds in the pool and beside it when I change poolside.

Exactly merrymouse. Someone up thread never takes their child swimming because of this issue . Anyone got any ideas?

halcyondays: we are back to Tommy Cooper when you say "there should be cubicles".

In many pools there just is no space for cubicles - that's the way they were built. So parents must deal with it. And from my point of view that means no females over a certain age (seventh birthday at my pool and I think that's about right) in the male changing rooms. And it appears that for many women it means no males over a certain age, probably the same age, in the female changing rooms. Not rocket science.

If you are brave enough to go to an outdoor pool in February You probably have more reason to worry about hypothermia than pedophiles! It's no wonder you're the only ones there.
Seriously though, I wouldn't bother with changing rooms at an outdoor pool, I'd just get them changed outside.

It's heated.

But we swim in the sea year round - wetsuits.

Thankfully I dont have to worry about that as our local pool is mixed area with loads of cubicles and family sized cubicles. But if we did my 8yr hs mild learning difficulties and although he looks normal his behavior can be more like toddler so no way could he go in without me. My 9 year old would be fne as he very sensible, but like I said it not a problem for us.
Regarding girls the same age, they all still get undressed for pe in the classroom boys and girls

I have never been to a pool without cubicles, even on holiday where some of the pools didn't look to have been refurbished for years, there have always been cubicles. Some of the changing areas weren't very big either, but they still had cubicles. it would be a nightmare getting young children changed without a cubicle to contain them in.

They don't strip naked and have to wipe intimate parts of their bodies after P.E, AFAIR.

Not experienced this as an adult, but my dad took my brother and I swimming and I changed with them up until I was about 10 years old. I was very nervous about going into the ladies alone and had no problems in the mens and as far as I am aware I didn't make anyone feel uncomfortable (nor did anyone make me feel so). Perhaps it's not always over protective mums but nervous children?

They dont all have sen needs - sometimes there are just bonkers overprotective parents.

A couple of months ago dd and I went swimming (she's 12) and a boy of 11 (who she knew was in year 7) was showering with his mum. He was staring at my (very) large breasts in a swimming costume and he said to dd (while his mum was washing his little brothers hair)' - "I've a massive stiffy staring at your mams tits, do you want to see".

She told me this while we were getting a drink in the cafe and I went up and told his mum and said he was probably now too old to be in the women's changing room. She started to argue but dd followed me over and said she was at school with him and that it wasn't appropriate and it made her uncomfortable. Dd was very polite and only then did the mum look as if she'd changed her mind.

I have no idea what that woman was thinking - quite simply 11 years old is too old if they are NT.

Well I frequently get changed with 55 year old learning disabled men and women tripping round the place without passing out. My children manage as well. Incidentally Tom Daley does too. Sleb endorsement.

I think this is always going to be a non issue for me. Although ds1 being unable to go swimming is a pita issue. If there wasn't a new pool being built which will presumably address this issue I would be kicking off with the council about lack of accessibility for people with learning disabilities.

Possibly my experience is a bit different because I don't use designated swimming pools very often, I take the kids into the pool at the gym which has a special kid's pool and stuff and is always much quieter than than a public swimming pool.

BUT - I have never seen a disabled child or even one who looks like he has difficulty managing himself in the changing rooms. This leads me to believe that the SN comments are red herrings to the main issue - a child with difficulties is going to turn up so rarely that everyone should just lump it and accept that he needs to be there. Most of the time it's just not going to happen to you.

I guess I'm lucky because I'm a single mum of two girls so the issue never arises for us. I'm not a fan of seeing boys 8+ in the ladies changing area (especially as I'm a teacher and am always paranoid I'll see one of my kids!) but I'm a shy changer anyway and would never be standing there fully naked while drying my hair or dressing my girls as many women seem happy to do.

Single sex changing for PE happens at the school I teach in from Y3 because it's a 7-13 prep school and they all do sport at the same time every day so as the older ones need to be separated they all do. Also, they will be fully naked in there because they are required to shower after games (YES, even the children with SN aged 7 and 8 somehow manage to shower and dress in reasonable time every day. It's amazing how much more children can achieve independently that with their parents simply because it is expected of them.)

halcyondays, I think you may have hit the nail on the head - cubicles are more likely to be found in older pools designed when land was cheaper and people were more prudish! Newer pools and the wave of private clubs which we have seen in the last twenty years are likely just to have benches and lockers in male and female areas. And if that's what they have and you choose to go there, you must live with it.

When we went swimming with school at 7 or 8 the boys and girls had separate changing rooms, they were special communal changing areas for schools to use, but there have always been cubicles for the general public.