To have just got them out in front of BIL anyway?

[dolldaggabuzzbuzz]

DH, DS and I have just returned from a lovely holiday staying with DH's brother, SIL and their DC's.

Everyone knows I still bf DS at 2.6 so now I mostly only do it at home.

One evening we were in a restaurant after a lovely day out and DS was really cranky and tired pulling my top. I said no but I felt cruel because we had made him tired with all the days out.

I said to BIL that if he gets his milk now he will magically settle down and behave beautifully. He gave me a look as if to say "don't you dare" -so I didn't. And DS would not settle down.

Eventually my DH got sick of DS and grabbed him and marched him outside in the rain and gave him a good shouting to and kept him out for 10 minutes. When he returned (wet) DS was very subdued, he had been sobbing and scared. He was quiet but sad for the rest of the evening.

DH and I were discussing this yesterday and he said he was surprised at me that I had allowed his DB's problem to become my problem but I just didn't want it to ruin the holiday as we were staying at his house.

I am annoyed with myself for allowing him to make me feel so uncomfortable with my parenting. I feel the right thing to do would have been to give DS his milk there in the restaurant. AIBU?

They won't die without cuddles will they? They won't die without breastmilk either so that seems to be a reason to withold it.

There are many things a toddler won't die without but that's not to say they aren't essential for physical and emotional health.
Am lost for words.

Er, yes. Exactly.

Your DH was being unreasonable. He should have taken his brother outside for a ticking off and left you to bf your son in peace.

I think a child of 2.5 is too old to be breastfed. I breastfed both my children until they went to a cup. That was at 10 and 12 months. But 2, 3, 4--I see no need for that. I have twin GC who are 2 and a half. They are quite capable little people and also getting quite big. They don't need breastfeeding!

BM is still good for them at that age though. I didn't bf for very long btw so have no axe to grind. I just don't like the assumption that once a child becomes a certain age motives for bfing somehow become sinister or it becomes 'wrong' for some reason.

I'm a comitted long trem breasfeeder, and very interested in this topic, but I'm I'm going to hide this- the thread title is so distasteful. Never done that before.

Everyone has a personal opinion on what age is too old - many people would think breastfeeding a 10 or 12 month old is totally unnecessary. You could choose any old arbitrary cut off.

Ritamorgan - hence my earlier point about there will always be ignorant people when it comes to cut off points for breastfeeding.

Firstly I have to admit that I haven't read all of this thread, I read the first few pages or so. I never normally post if I haven't read the whole thread but....

I think your DH was totally out of order for shouting at your son for being tired, like others have said I don't understand why he wasn't in bed. I think this was selfish behaviour on all of your parts, your DS just needed to sleep.

I think that if breastfeeding your son was going to make your BIL uncomfortable then you shouldn't have done it sitting at the table with him. You can say whatever you like about it being his problem and it being totally natural but at the end of the day you were out for a meal with your family and they didn't feel happy with you doing it at the table in public. You could have gone somewhere else (I'm not saying the toilet) to feed him, but to be honest I do think you should just have taken him back and put jim to bed.

I think that if breastfeeding a 2.6 year old is the only/best way to calm him when he's grumpy but you're not happy to do It in public then surely you need to re-think this. I'm not saying you need to wean, that's your decision, but you need to find a better way to calm him down. How does your husband calm him? How do you cope out and about if you can't/won't breasteed?

I think as they get older the number of people who go "ewww" increases though, and it becomes more and more of a crusade.

By the time they are eating solid food the health benefits are marginal, so its a choice issue.

What becomes a crusade?

Of course the health benefits are less important once milk isn't their only source of nutrition, but human milk from their own mother is always going to be better for a child than milk from an animal. And obviously it is a matter of choice - how you feed and comfort and parent your child is a choice issue from the day they are born.

If it IS just a choice issue, shouldn't it be MY choice and not other's choices imposed on me then?

I may not feel comfortable with what people choose to feed their kids in front of me and I often don't. But it is their choice and I wouldn't dream of interfering or trying to make them feel uncomfortable about it.

I can't imagine the scenario in my OP ever being repeated now that we are back home. It was possibly a one off as we were away from home and out a lot. I bfed DS on the aeroplane (it helped his ears get back to normal during the pressure change), and on the train while we were staying with BIL.

I have never before felt the need for approval to bf from the company I was in before as friends and family have been used to it from the day he was born and these days he is mostly only bfed at home. I was looking for Someone to say OK as I was in their company and already felt uncomfortable with DS pulling my top relentlessly while BIL was looking at me as if to say you need to do something about this.

I don't and have never cared what people outside of my company, for instance on other tables in the restaurant or other seats on the train think. They should mind their own business and they mostly do, as I mind my own business.

If you don't like extended bf - don't do it. I do and I will.

"If it IS just a choice issue, shouldn't it be MY choice and not other's choices imposed on me then?"

Who was imposing their choices on you?

You may have interpreted BIL's look to mean that he would disapprove of you feeding - but it's not like he stood up and ripped your nipple out of your DS's mouth, did he? YOU chose not to breastfeed your DS at that moment in time - that was your choice - no-one else's.

"No one who objects can really give a valid reason WHY it makes them feel uncomfortable. "

I did earlier! I said that as 2.5 year olds dont NEED milk multiple times during the day , the breast is often used as a comfort tool for a tired fractious toddler (as in the OP). now we go into the murky territoty- is this weird for people becuase its a BREAST (sex sex sex!!!) or a BODY PART

I thought about this alot, and if I saw a mother using her elbow, or thumb to sooth a toddler would it also make me feel a bit odd. I think it would to be honest. If she was cuddling a toddler, obviously fine, But if I saw someone use their thumb I might think, give him a dummy instead?

I am not claiming to be right, but I did want to explain in a non agressive way why I find BF toddlers a bit disconserting. Its not their morning/evening feed, as that's nutrition, and frankly none of my business. But the feed thats seem to get the stares are the "comfort feeds" IMO

I dont usually contribute to these threads as I feel it is so much the affair of individual parents.Breastfeeding in public is,I feel,natural and acceptable.However by 2.5 a child is growing up and surely beginning to eat/drink in a different way.I'd be a bit worried about any child over 2 still expecting a feed-its not too long before nursery school etc where a breast isnt available.Each to her own though and I do feel that in this case the child was the most reasonable member of the party.

A breastfed toddler only expects a feed when it's mother is around though, so nursery isn't an issue. My ds went to nursery from 7 months and a breast wasn't available, he's stayed overnight with his dad and grandparents when a breast isn't available.

Interesting porcamiseria that if you saw someone comforting a toddler you'd immediately think they should be giving them a fake nipple to suck! Says a lot about cultural attitudes that the real thing makes people uncomfortable, but a rubber pretend nipple is ok

yup! thats very true

maybe I will make some rubber elbows instead