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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have just got them out in front of BIL anyway?

194 replies

dolldaggabuzzbuzz · 15/08/2011 07:13

DH, DS and I have just returned from a lovely holiday staying with DH's brother, SIL and their DC's.

Everyone knows I still bf DS at 2.6 so now I mostly only do it at home.

One evening we were in a restaurant after a lovely day out and DS was really cranky and tired pulling my top. I said no but I felt cruel because we had made him tired with all the days out.

I said to BIL that if he gets his milk now he will magically settle down and behave beautifully. He gave me a look as if to say "don't you dare" -so I didn't. And DS would not settle down.

Eventually my DH got sick of DS and grabbed him and marched him outside in the rain and gave him a good shouting to and kept him out for 10 minutes. When he returned (wet) DS was very subdued, he had been sobbing and scared. He was quiet but sad for the rest of the evening.

DH and I were discussing this yesterday and he said he was surprised at me that I had allowed his DB's problem to become my problem but I just didn't want it to ruin the holiday as we were staying at his house.

I am annoyed with myself for allowing him to make me feel so uncomfortable with my parenting. I feel the right thing to do would have been to give DS his milk there in the restaurant. AIBU?

OP posts:

mummytotwoboys · 15/08/2011 08:50

YANBU but to be honest I dont know what I would hae done it that situation, its all very well for people to say that they would have done it anyway but I know how uncomforatable it makes ME when someone else is uncomfortable with it. I get all hot and bothered and cant relax and feed properly and we both end up hot, sweaty and annoyed. I dont advocate leaving the table for feeding but I probably would have gone and sat in the car or something to make it easier for me, not to make the BIL feel better about things.

aurynne · 15/08/2011 08:50

Morloth, some parents sit their kid on the potty in the middle of the lounge during a meal (yes, unfortunately I have also seen that). It is equally natural. But I make sure I don't have those parents staying with me or sharing my table.

Entitlements are great both ways, aren't they?

CareyHunt · 15/08/2011 08:52

Yes aurynne. Because shitting is exactly the same as eating isn't it.

Morloth · 15/08/2011 08:52

I think nipples are like the basilisk CareyHunt if people actually catch sight of them they are immediately turned to stone, something bad must happen or everyone wouldn't be so freaked out by the female nipple. Somehow the sight of men's nipples are perfectly acceptable, but a womans?! Avert your eyes! Avert your eyes!

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 15/08/2011 08:52

Agree with Takeitezee. I think there's a big difference between breastfeeding a baby and 'comforting' a toddler. I think I would find it uncomfortable viewing also. I dislike your thread title too. I find it hard to think that a breastfeeding woman would actually use a term like that... hmm.

I'm more amazed at you, OP, that you allowed your toddler to be removed by your DH and shouted at whilst you sat in the restaurant. Does that seem normal or good mothering to you? Your toddler was tired, why did he need to be in a restaurant and not in bed sleeping?

I think your BIL was the least of the adult transgressors.

troisgarcons · 15/08/2011 08:53

Most people accept BFing babies, but toddlers is still a bit of a no-no (in public) - it makes me uncomfortable when people feed (clearly) weaned children(yes I realise it's going to be pointed out that's my hang up and I shouldn't project it).

I've even known someone to take a 5yo to a (rather posh) dinner party and allow the child to BF at the table. JMHO - that's a little excessive. And dare I say, exhibitionism.

Little Britains 'bitty' is now running through my head.

Morloth · 15/08/2011 08:54

Yep, because a child eating is exactly the same as somebody taking a shit, exactly. Do you look away when someone has a glass of milk? What is it about a woman's breast that makes it so dangerous to catch a glimpse of? There must be something or it wouldn't freak everyone out so much.

MovesLikeJagger · 15/08/2011 08:55

I also find the thread title odd. By 'getting them out' is, IMO, vastly different to BFing your child.

aurynne · 15/08/2011 08:56

I actually take a big pleasure out of disagreeing in this matter, the "I can stick my booby in your eye whenever I want to" brigade are too used to bully other people into shutting up... But I don't care.

By the way, the particular nipple I saw would scare some of you "hardcore public breastfeeders" off too, believe me. It stretched for a good foot

Morloth · 15/08/2011 08:56

But why does it make people uncomfortable? I don't get it? Why? Nobody has ever been able to explain this.

givemeaclue · 15/08/2011 08:57

perhaps its time to move on from the bf? its obviously causing issues and whilst you may love bf your toddler and he may love being bf its clear that other people consider it inappropriate.

can I ask why you are still doing it?

Morloth · 15/08/2011 08:57

Nothing wrong with enjoying arguing on the internet, I like that I bully people with my breasts, they are rather impressive if I do say so myself.

CareyHunt · 15/08/2011 08:57

2 and a half. He is 2 and a half.

Not 7. Not a big boy, a tired, grumpy toddler who knew what he needed to feel better.

Jeffing 'bitty'. FFS. What a brilliant example of extended bfing. Grrrrr

mummytotwoboys · 15/08/2011 08:58

i dont think its that people dont want to look at boobs, as people dont get uncomfortable on the beach, its probably the fact that theres a person hanging off one.

Morloth · 15/08/2011 08:59

But why is that a problem mummy?

aurynne · 15/08/2011 09:00

Morloth, if your question is genuine, I wil then answer you: for me the vision of that overstretched flattened nipple was just disgusting in a primeval way. Same reaction I got when somebody showed me a photo of a woman with heavy piercings pulling her labia.

[shudder]

mummytotwoboys · 15/08/2011 09:00

I dont know :( Its sad isnt it

Knackeredmother · 15/08/2011 09:01

Morloth, I often think that very thing too. Like you say men's nipples are acceptable.

aurynne · 15/08/2011 09:02

Agree with mummytotwoboys completely, and she is far nicer than me in the way she explains it. It is seeing a part of the body outstretched in such a way, and a little walking and talking human being hanging off the bit.

troisgarcons · 15/08/2011 09:03

Well, breasts have been sexualised in western cultures for many years. That is the root of the problem.

You don't get the problem in more 3rd world cultures because bottle feeding isn't an option; therefore the natural equilibrium of life is still in force. Mind you, you don't get BF toddlers either - the mother will have had another baby - toddlers will be 'working' by that age for the good of the community, helping in fields etc.

aurynne · 15/08/2011 09:03

Knackeredmother, would you find an enlarged, overstretched man nipple which looks about to snap nice to look at? Be honest.

Morloth · 15/08/2011 09:03

So your disgust should affect other people's harmless behaviour?

Nope, do you know, I have never had this conversation in real life. I BFd wherever we happen to be, I don't say anything, I don't ask permission and not one person has ever said a single word to me about it.

Also, no one has been struck blind, so actually as far as I can see nothing bad happens when a woman breastfeeds a baby or a toddler but something good does.

aurynne · 15/08/2011 09:05

Morloth, no one asked for my opinion to be made into law. They asked for our opinions, full stop. And this is mine. You don't give a shit whether people feels uncomfortable when you do it, great for you! I do feel uncomfortable, so I would ask the waitress to relocate my table. Great for me!

Get over it.

Morloth · 15/08/2011 09:06

It doesn't matter if it isn't nice to look at it. I see lots of things on and about people that are not nice to me. My opinion on their bodies and (lawful) activities is not relevant.

So why on this matter should someone else's sensibilities matter? Why this one?

aurynne · 15/08/2011 09:09

Because she asked about it. And it's my opinion. And I have the same right you have of giving it.

And because I enjoy pissing you off :P

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