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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU as a father to expect to take my 2 1/2 year old daughter away for the weekend?

315 replies

Rob92004 · 13/08/2011 20:49

I would like to to take my 2 1/2 year old daughter to stay with my brother, his wife and their 4, 6 & 8 year old children for a weekend.
My wife will not let me take her claiming she is too sensitive and I cannot care for her properly (We have been married 7 years, and I am 44 fit and healthy!)
All opinions appreciated! Thanks.

OP posts:
hayleysd · 13/08/2011 21:06

Why is your wife not included in the weekend?

Sandalwood · 13/08/2011 21:06

Just reassure her that you'll be letting your DD run around with the older DCs all evening til she drops.

FellatioNelson · 13/08/2011 21:06

Shock I think your wife has a problem with delegating. Either you are a complete buffoon or she is a neurotic control freak. I think it's the second option. I am offended on your behalf.

happygilmore · 13/08/2011 21:06

I can't believe anyone would think YABU.

ImperialBlether · 13/08/2011 21:07

Could you go Saturday morning until Sunday afternoon as a trial run? I'm sure your daughter would love to spend time with her cousins.

I think your wife will miss your daughter more than vice versa (but don't tell her that!) - wouldn't she enjoy a quiet weekend just with the baby?

Casmama · 13/08/2011 21:08

I think your wife is being a little precious - a couple of late nights aren't the end of the world and not looking after her properly wtf? I think I would be a bit offended if I was you.

DorisIsAPinkDragon · 13/08/2011 21:08

Could you not all go and stay in a travelodge for the weekend you get to see db dd gets to see cousins and dw gets to stay somewhere appropriate for a 3 mth old Hmm

TheSkiingGardener · 13/08/2011 21:08

With the facts you've given she is being unreasonable.

BUT, she has a 3 month old (as do you of course) and is probably feeling very protective and emotional as fuck so maybe talking through it would be the way forward.

FellatioNelson · 13/08/2011 21:09

I was convinced you were going to be divorced, and that this was a classic case of bitter and twisted ex using child as a pawn. I cannot believe you are actually together and she is saying this! Most odd.

DoMeDon · 13/08/2011 21:10

Actually I would ask a woman why her partner didnt want her to take DC away- just for all the 'ooh sexism' hand wringers Hmm

Maybe she is being over protective, maybe she really thinks you don't look after her properly. What do you think?

I wouldn't want to be away from my DC for more than one night as I think it would be too much at 2.5yo.

Dilligaf81 · 13/08/2011 21:11

God sounds like a lifesaver with a new BF baby at home.
My DH took the other 3 DC's away camping for a 4 nights after I had DC4. I would pop over to see them for part of the day but it was nice for the older 3 not having to stop what we were doing to feed DC4 again.
He booked it all completly off his own back and I wouldnt have dreamt of stopping him.
Far too much moaning by friends that their DH doesnt do anything with kids but most of them like OPS wife wouldnt let them.

lubeybooby · 13/08/2011 21:11

YANBU at all.

PinkSchmoo · 13/08/2011 21:12

Are you my husband??? If so take her! I have DD and DS of same age. DH does almost exactly what you do. Try and do a test run bed time and that should allay her fears.

She probably feels guilty she isn't getting enough one to one with DD, I know I am. See if you can help with that some way but no, YANBU. Yab really rather lovely.

Witchofthenorth · 13/08/2011 21:12

YANBU at all, I would love for my DH to take kids way for weekend!!!!! Your daughter will thoroughly enjoy being with her daddy. I think you should speak to your wife about her reasons though, she is most likely hugely hormonal just now and is just feeling very protective of her babies. Sort it out and enjoy your weekend with your little girl! :)

ballstoit · 13/08/2011 21:13

YANBU.

Mainly it would seem that she doesnt want to go, and is trying to stop you going to. Or possibly she is worried about coping alone with DC2. Have you stayed with your DB with DD before (with your DW too)? Were there any issues if you have?

Claw3 · 13/08/2011 21:14

YANBU

Dilligaf81 · 13/08/2011 21:14

DoMeDon I dont think its the asking why a DH didnt want his DW to take DC away its the reponse that would have produced.. If this was the otherway around this would be completly different reading with lots of "well she's you dd" etc.

skinnymuffin · 13/08/2011 21:15

Sounds perfectly reasonable to me! Would love my ds to do the same. In fact, I think it's important that you take her away for the weekend, just to show it will all be fine. Your wife might need to see it to believe it (and dare I say chill out a bit!).

Compromise on one night if that's practical?

orienteerer · 13/08/2011 21:18

YANBU but I feel there may be other "stuff" you haven't told us?

DontGoCurly · 13/08/2011 21:21

Have you never done bedtime with her?

EightiesChick · 13/08/2011 21:24

On the basis of what's here no problem at all. Plus if you've never done stuff before you have to start somewhere. Find out what her bedtime routine is. If there isn't one, I highly recommend you build one in (we always sing DS the same song, for example) so then, whoever's doing bedtime, you have familiarity and continuity.

rubyrubyruby · 13/08/2011 21:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EightiesChick · 13/08/2011 21:24

And yes, offer 1 night stayover as a compromise.

archibaldmonkeyface · 13/08/2011 22:07

Doesn't sound to me like YABU here. My DS is 9 months and my DH is very hands on with him but has only spent 1 full day with just the two of them ( I had day out with friends and came back that evening so away about 12 hours) as he works long hours and I'm at home full time. However I'm starting a new job v soon and we have a previously booked holiday coming up a couple weeks after! Plan is that he drives down to hols with DS as planned and I travel down to join them a couple of days later after I have finished work (I will be part time).

I'm dreading it - not because I don't trust him with DS as I do completely but I just hate the idea of being away from DS for that long. Maybe your wife feels the same?

natandjacob · 13/08/2011 22:08

yeeeaaahhh i love a good comprimise, offer a 1 night stay over to begin with and then go from there. i remember the first time my DP wanted to stay over at his dads house with DS for a couple of nights, i really didnt like the thought of it and didnt want him to go. we came to agree that he could have a couple of practise runs with bed time and nap time before he went, that all went well so i agreed to let him go. now he goes off with DS anytime he likes and i have no problem whatsoever with it. i can see i was BU but its hard on a new mother to control her emotions. go easy on her :)