AIBU as a father to expect to take my 2 1/2 year old daughter away for the weekend?

[Rob92004]

I would like to to take my 2 1/2 year old daughter to stay with my brother, his wife and their 4, 6 & 8 year old children for a weekend.
My wife will not let me take her claiming she is too sensitive and I cannot care for her properly (We have been married 7 years, and I am 44 fit and healthy!)
All opinions appreciated! Thanks.

The first thing to do is deal with the PND-until she has recovered you can't really hope for 'normal' reactions.
It is just a bit ironic that if you were divorced you could do it!!

EXOTIC IF HE WAS divorced he couldn't do it for a couple of years. Family courts are dreadfully slow and even when orders are given they are largely impotent to enforce them, which means he could spend thousands, get an order and find it meaningless.

Frankly - and I mean utterly frankly - there is a disproportionately large amount of females on here who breed habitually with
1... wet men
2... useless men
3... ineffectual men
4... men who cant find a dish cloth
5... oh the list goes on
I forgot
6... MILS PILS FILS SILS BILS who they cannot get on with.

Time ladies to have a long hard look at yourselves. If you cannot trust your husband with your child, then you really shouldn't be having a family with him.

I've read the whole thing and you are not being unreasonable, your wife is.

Definitely go - it sounds as though she already has a good bond with her cousins and will love it.

He could go for joint custody mitmoo and have half the week. If he wasn't at least getting weekly access, from the start, it would prove that DW was more putting herself before DD. I like the idea that people can't get divorced before they put the DC first and make amicable arrangements.
However, there is no reason for them to get divorced-he was just getting frustrated.
I agree totally with troisgarcons-why on earth do women have DCs and continue to live with a man who can't be trusted for 2 nights away with his own 2 yr old!!! It doesn't make sense.

If my dh offered to take mine away for a long weekend. I'd be packing his bags before he could change his mind and planning a very childfree weekend for me.

In fact I think I might suggest he takes the kids to stay with his mum

Exotic He could go for it but depending on how intransigent the ex is, he could end up not seeing the child for months, I've supported a male friend through this who actually works with children, while CAFCASS do their reports, have their hearings, do their observations, it often happens that as there has been around six months while this farce happens while the father hasn't seen the child, that he's given supervised. Then if the mother doesn't bring the child to supervised it's more hearings and the fiasco continues.

Our family courts are not places where you can expect fair play and common sense to happen.

In cases of domestic violence for example it is extremely common for the abuser to not get violent until you are married or pregnant. If you look up "The cycle of abuse" it shows how women and men who are perfectly rationale, sane and normal get manipulated into an ever declining relationship.

troisgarcons You target your disdain at women who find themselves in abusive relationships, ironically it is the OP, a man, who says he is having more children with a woman who has a history of being abusive. Perhaps you should take out the gender bias?

OP

Make an appointment with your gp (a double one) get someone to look after dd1 and then go down and talk with the GP (check wife wants to go don't force her but if she doesn't, go alone there are support groups for people whom live with a depressed partner it might help you as will certain publications)

Speak to DW about how to move to this situation where she feels comfortable with you taking dd1 away for the weekend I would suggest you start with taking over bathtimes and bed times Saturday and sunday so it becomes a normal thing for all of you that You do these things for all of you.

Make a plan for things that needs to happen DW may feel more secure if she can see that you are able to do this and then more willing to ease off with dd1 and then in say 1-2 months take dd1 for the visit you so want to take her to.

In answer to your top question no YANBU however to support a partner whom I believe you must love dearly (having myself been in a relationship with someone suffering from depression I understand just how draining this can be) when we view extra information then I do not think right now is the time to insist upon it as it will not be supportive of your dw in her current state. I would get some professional help and perhaps buy DB and DSIS a new hoover so DW feels more comfortable (bit of tongue in cheek off course) If DW doesn't want help then get it for yourself it is important that you have understanding of what is happening to her to be able to support her. (and stay sane)

I would also take over more of the care of the 3 month old-so that you don't get sidelined by the 'expert'.

Well the update is I didn't go to see my brother and DD2.5 got to do exactly what she does most weekends (went to the park-I am "trusted to do this on my own!-and as a family went for a picnic at Cliveden).
I was allowed to put DD2.5 to bed on Saturday and Sunday nights-whether this is a good sign I am not sure.
Will try and encourage DW to chat to someone about PND and see what happens :(
Thanks again for all your diverse thoughts.

Wierd Thread. And beleive me, I've read a few over the years. Sorry that it ended up this way, with OP's latest post.

I do think that you need to get her to see someone about the PND as a matter of urgency. It is terribly sad when someone is 'allowed' to do something with their own DC.

Agree with exotic. The fact that you describe it as being 'allowed' to put your child to bed is shocking. Your wife may be ill, but there is no excuse for making you feel like this, and its very unfair on your dd