To be quite pleased that my dc are a little bit scared of me.

[psiloveyou]

DS (11) was looking at a picture in the paper this morning. It was of a mum taking her young son into court to face charges after rioting.
Ds said "if I ever did anything like that mum, I would be much more scared of what you would do. You're much scarier than any policeman or court". I was actually quite pleased that he felt like that.

When I told a friend though she was horrified. She said she would be devastated if her dc were scared of her in any way. She said I was living in the dark ages if I feel like that and adults should earn the respect of children without scaring them.

Now don't get me wrong, DS and I have a brilliant relationship. I never hit (and rarely have to shout at) the dc. I do think though that a little fear is healthy and I would like my dc to feel that way about any authority figure such as teachers the police ect.

So am I living in the dark ages.

Not sure who is getting these one-day sentences, but I've been looking at the details of the Manchester arrests (police have been making these public on Twitter) and they seem surprisingly harsh actually - eight months for stealing clothes, four months for 'ranting and swearing at a police officer', two months for being 'drunk and disorderly' etc. Not saying it's wrong, but they're hardly being let off lightly!

I thought that they were longer than a day or so too.... until someone on here corrected me....:)

"You are spouting crap" I respect your right to form whatever opinion you wish about my views, Slanted, but I am under no obligation to agree with you.

give me a clear cut account of how lack of fear has created dictators, with clear cut, deductive arguments, and an explanation of how fear will stop this."

Similarly, I am under no obligation to accede to your demands and I am of the opinion that nothing is to be gained from my continuing to engage with you while you are unable to appreciate that being peevish and disrespectful to those whose opinions do not meet with your approval is the antithesis of your contention "My whole point is that " true respect for others comes from respecting them BECAUSE THEY ARE PEOPLE"

To put it more succinctly, your rudeness to strangers gives the lie to your purported viewpoint.

I am waiting for your unwoolly thinking. Please accept that, on this occasion, you will wait in vain.

taking things too literally is a bad habit of mine I would respectfully suggest that you make every effort to break this undesirable and unattractive habit. Perhaps a will help you lighten up and reassess the untenable position you have boxed yourself into?

I'm now actually wondering if slanted is the OPs friend

ephiny thanks - I had seen any of that on the rioters/looters sentencing yet - got to say I'm glad the powers that be a coming down hard on them, provided they've arrested the right ones of course

Crossed my mine rockinhippy, well she could be!

DS1 fears me a little I think, he is very susceptible to The Look. Why would The Look work if there wasn't an implied threat?

Mum was the same, I have very large brothers and they were towering over her by the time they were 10. If she didn't have them under control with that little bit of fear then they would have walked all over her.

A little bit of fear, mixed in with a lot of love and respect is the way to go.

TBH there are things that I don't do, not because I am a nice person, but because I 'fear' the consequences.

I am surprised and pleased at how harsh some of the sentences are. Good.

I hope they throw the fucking book at them, and I hope the cowards who murdered Richard Bowes don't see the light of day for a very, very long time.

When I was little a neighbor lady yelled at my older brother, me, and some of our neighbor friends for climbing in a tree next to her property. We retaliated by running into her yard and shouting nonsense, etc. Nasty, we were.

I remember later that day, watching her walk down our driveway to tell our parents what we'd done and my brother and I were cowering upstairs because we knew we were in for it. I still remember her leaving and my mother hissing "Get down here " at us. She and my father told us off one side and down the other about how ashamed and disappointed they were. We were grounded for a long time and marched over to apologize and literally offer to do her yardwork for the rest of our lives.

I am so thankful now that my parents were the way they were about things like this!

'Yanbu. The best teachers I ever had were when I was 5 and 13. Both were tiny in stature but could silence a class with a raise of one solitary eyebrow. Not easy with age range! '

A teacher with one eyebrow would scare me as well.

Oh God yes Cheerful the hissed 'Come here now'.

I agree with what the OP is saying but maybe not how she's said it (esp. the opening line of the thread!).

In my case I'm an older mother (was 42 1/2 when DD was born).

My DD (7 1/2) found out the hard way that unacceptable behaviour led to her not going to the school disco. She has learnt that there are consequences to bad behaviour. What amzed me was that some of the other school mums thought I was being too harsh.

This is the first time I've had to do this.

It all comes down to saying what you mean and meaning what you say - and standing by what you say.

If, as a parent, you develop 'the look', it makes life much easier!

I'm 28 and still afraid of my parents! My partner is the same with his. We were never physically harmed, or even grounded, it was the disappointment in their looks and voices. We were taught to respect them. Our actions had consequences, and still do!

This is an interesting debate. I guess it also depends on how strict you are. My friend is very strict with her kids, they are very scared of her but i think she takes it too far sometimes and she has control issues. They physically shake and seem stressed, to me. She doesnt smack them but she likes a tidy house and sometimes has unrealistic expectations. Sometimes i think they are just being silly not naughty.

Kids should be scared about their parents reactions but only when they do wrong, they shouldn't walk on eggshells around you.

Kids should be scared about their parents reactions but only when they do wrong, they shouldn't walk on eggshells around you -

I couldn't agree more with that statement daytoday my own Mum was a bit that way inclined - glad to say I do have "the look" of pat , but would hate it if DD were that scared of me as a general pattern of behaviour, I would feel a real failure as a parent if she did - glad to say she is scared enough to know when I mean business though