To totally understand why this woman of triplets did this?

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Im totally prepared for freak outs and be told IABU to empathise with this woman. A friend has twin 3 year olds, she goes to group meets with other mums of twins and triplets. One of the women had triplets (now 3), when they were 4 months old her husband left her. Come night time she'd struggle with only having one pair of hands so used to wash, dress and feed the babies, stick them in their cot put on her trainers and go for an hours run. By the time she came home they'd be asleep.

My initiak thought was oh my God! But actually, being a mum of a baby (and child) myself with my partner present I know how hard it is. Let alone three babies with no help (at least, not every night I know parents of multiples can inlist some help but I dont know the ins and outs if that).

So AIBU to totallu understand why she did this?

Understanding why someone may have done something unacceptable is not the same thing as agreeing that they were right to do it.

Do I understand why she did it? Probably struggling to cope and not thinking about it with a clear head or thinking about the risks. I am fairly sure that a woman who has been abandoned by a husband and left to cope alone, is probably struggling and maybe it wasn't her clearest moment. He walked away and left her to cope alone with three babies. What an arse.

Do I think it is acceptable? No. It is unacceptable for a parent to leave babies alone in the house for an hour. To go for a run. Regularly. Now, call me doom and gloom, but you cannot ensure that you do not have an accident. That's why they are called accidents.

Did she carry a note about her saying "I have left my babies alone at "? I bet not!

And what if one of them vomited and choked? Laid on its back. If you're in the house, got the baby monitor, you can rush to them. Come back an hour later and what can you do?

Same with a house fire. Nobody expects them, but they happen. Electrical faults can happen at any time. Come back from your run to find your house on fire.

Unlikely does not mean impossible.

However, since the children all made it and it's in the past, it clearly all went ok. she was lucky.

I would never say that because she happened to be lucky and nothing happened, that made it ok.

It was foolish and unthinking behaviour and yes, neglectful.

I understand. It probably kept her sane. Much better than shaking a screaming baby, or screaming at the children. Not good, not ideal, risky, but totally understandable.

Totally irresponsible to leave 3 babies on their own for an hour. I don't understand how she did it more than once.

Bananasplitz, we thought that. We were saying we hoped she had a not on her.

I need to point out these 'babies' are now three. This happened a while ago. My friend still sees her so Im guessing she is ok now.

And yes the husband, what a wanker.

I can understand why she felt the need to do it. But what bananasplitz said made my blood run cold.

I can completely understand it. Poor woman must have been going out of her mind.

This isn't the father's fault. The mother should have more sense.

She shouldn't have done it of course. BUT she was in a situation most of us couldn't cope with alone and she clearly couldn't cope. She should have been getting lots of help from the triplets' Dad and if she wasn't I blame him more than her for this situation.

As I understand it the children are 3 now and presumably much easier to deal with. Assuming that the mum doesn't leave them alone anymore I wouldn't worry that she did it when under great stress.

Ridiculous

Would you empathise if she was going to the pub for an hour and leaving them to cry?

I think it says more about society than her as an individual that she was left alone to support 3 babies. Where was her family? Her exs family? Her friends? Neighbours? Home start etc?

There are probably lots of women struggling like this, but instead of being active members of our communities out helping each other, we are indoors, alone on our pcs.

Or the father co-parented more effectively? We have no idea what the circumstances of the break-up were.

She went for runs on her own at night? What if she was attacked and left in a state unable to get home? Nobody would have known that three little babies were home alone, so they could have been on their own for many more hours.

She clearly needed some support. IMO the person in the wrong in this situation is the man who thought it was acceptable behaviour to walk out on his wife and three tiny babies. How dare he! Anybody would struggle in this woman's situation - it's understandable that she did what she did, but it's not ok.

Neglectful. You can't just leave 3 babies alone in the house for an hour whatever the circumstances.
She should have asked for help.

I judge the whole of society that thinks it's acceptable to leave a newly single mother to three tiny babies alone to cope to the point that she cannot cope.

The thing about her being killed when out the house is a bit of a red herring. Any of us might have an accident and die when looking after our children and they would be left until the next person came along. Actually if you were in the street it is more likely that someone would realise you didn't have your children with you than if you had an accident in the home. I know someone who fell out of the loft and straight down the stairs to ground floor. She was at home with just her three year old. Luckily she didn't die and the child got the phone for her to call for help but could have been very different outcome otherwise.

Wow.

I can understand her actions, but could not condone it.

What if one of them had choked on their vomit or something? What if she had been hit bu a car while out running, and it was many hours before anyone realised there were babies home alone? The 'what if's are scary.

Where the hell was the dad though? wtf was he thinking of?

She needs some support, of course she shouldn't have done it but three babies alone, never she needs to talk to her health visitor or someone. Be a friend and try to encourage her to ask someone for help.

The father needs to take a look at himself too if he is not helping.

Mumwithadragontatoo tbh I think it more likely that anyone would be hit by a car, or attacked, while out running at night than have a serious accident while at home.

Happy to be proved wrong though, and I accept your point.

Yeah Belgo. People who don't need their PHNs popping in three times a week give out about the intrusion. Where is this lady's PHN?

Understanding what could have been going on in someone's head to drive them to behave a certain way is not the same thing as saying that it was ok for them to do it. I think it is very important to make that clear.

People keep saying 'at night' but really it was much more likely to be 6.30pm-7pm. What with them being a few months old at the time.

You can still have an accident at 6:30-7pm at night.

I cannot judge her. I'd have gone utterly mentalwith 3 tiny babies to care for on my own

im with you op, i wouldnt do it but also can understand why she may have.

You can still have an accident at the house. Someone is more likely to find her lying on a path then her kitchen floor.