Forsake The Forskin Vs Tolerate the Turtle-neck

[UselessForeskinHiddenSurgeon]

When our DC arrives (approx 4months) should we be blessed with a boy (we don't know/want to know) , my partner (Jewish) would like to perform Brit milah on DS. This ceremony must occur 8 days after birth. My folks (Muslim) would also appreciate possible future grandson being foreskin free for similar but slightly different religious purposes. I am not particularly religious and nor is my partner (hence marrying out)

I was circumcised at the age of twelve and have clear (though not painful) memories of the event (carried out by Muslim surgeon at home along with my two younger brothers) Do remember being a little scared and i suppose it might have been a bit of an ordeal... Do have at least one amusing anecdote from it so i can't be that scarred surely?

Despite my own experience I don't like the idea at all. my first instinct is to put it off until later in the hope that everyone will just forget... i mean how often do you think about someone else's foreskin? There are some health benifits, among them; significantly reduced risk of HIV, HPV and also reduced incidence of genital warts among circumcised men. These are not enough to swing my opinion. Now my folks may be cool with leaving it until later since they themselves left it until i was a little older, but she is adamant we have it performed after 8 days (as per Brit Milah tradition)

AIBU to want to make a fuss about this? perhaps i should just cross my fingers and hope for a girl. We shall call her Queenie and she defo won't need to go for a chop thanks. I'd like a girl anyhow and it would make it easier for sure... since this is the case we're bound to wind up with a boy. Comments, Opinions, and possible strategies please!

Cheers people.

To answer your point, I don't think you can be a good child at the expense of your own child.

In making choices that you believe are correct for your own baby, it doesn't follow that the next step is to stop caring about or for your own parents.

I do understand that this is part of your culture, that it won't seem like a big thing to your families and that you do want to make your parents happy. But in the end, I think you have to be true to yourself.

I thought the throat bit in strictlovingmums post was just a typo weejimmykrankie (great name ), you've made me nosey need to know now!

Bacteria that was causing infection on the tip of his penis would accumulate on inside rim of his foreskin, in some instances we remember making DS unable to wee, and when he did menage to produce a little bit of a wee, it was very painful, he was in agony.
Consultant at the time explained, that the bacteria travelled trough his bloodstream affecting his throat, as the next weakest point, apparently very common. Because of his foreskin being so tight, bacteria was making a comeback after dose of antibiotic very quickly.
DS was on on antibiotics very frequently at the time, and as soon we were done with one lot of medicine, shortly after he would be on the next lot.

I agree with Karma in that I too don't think it's right to do this as a way of making things up to your parents. It's a slippery slope and where are you going to draw the line? You might appease DW's father a little but does that mean you have to make it up to your family in some other way too? And what future demands will be made? DS has undergone the first ritual, what will the next step be?

Have you two actually spoken with DW's father about these issues or is it mostly DW's guilt feelings that drive it?

extremepie said it all back on page 1. Your baby will be small and perfectly formed including a foreskin. If it's not broken, don't fix it.

What worries me most is when you say you are secretly hoping for a girl. I was like that too when my pregnancy progressed and I realised I couldn't run with DH wishes to circumcise.
I was actually a bit gutted when we found out he was a boy, but ultimately, I still felt I had to protect him and put my foot down. If I hadn't I would have resented DH for putting him through it and that would have been more damaging in the long run. She might be willing to take the guilt, but how would you feel towards her over it? I know if DH had pushed me into hurting my baby I would have had a hard time forgiving him.

www.nhs.uk/conditions/circumcision/pages/why-is-it-necessary.aspx, I hope this will work.
Of course this isn't relevant to OP, but it may clarify, why some of us had no choice.
For vanity or for"religious reasons", I am against, maybe due to lack of understanding.
For health reasons and when absolutely necessary, I am for.

strictlovingmum, i think many poster on this thread, myself included have said its fine for MEDICAL reaons, my own eldest son may need to have it done later this year for medical reason, we are trying another treatment first and hoping that works!

i am also against for vanity/religious/cultural reasons, as i said earlier in the thread, people do many things in the name of religion/culture and that doesnt make them right.

Thanks for the explanation SLM. Your poor DS, but fascinating.

4madboys if he does and I hope he doesn't, good luck.
If necessary to have it done I am sure he will be fine, it is all done in a proper theatre with post op. recovery closely monitored, especially if child is in question.
It is a day procedure and recovery varies, but DS was on his toy rocking horse two days later.

I am very sad about the outcome of this thread. It seems astonishing to me that any one would intentionally injure their own child to appease their parents and not consider their parents to be unreasonable in this demand. You have asked the grandparents, haven't you? I would hate for you to do all of this and for them to later say "well it was nice of you to consider his heritage, but we wouldn't have minded either way".

Have you considered that in the longer term you may have more than one child? My older brother was circumcised for cultural reasons like yours and my mother found this very traumatic. She was concerned that I might also be a boy as she was not sure that she could go through a circumcision of her child again, having watched my brother suffer.

"I agree with Karma in that I too don't think it's right to do this as a way of making things up to your parents"

And I agree.

That is outrageously pathetic - seriously!. That you would sacrifice your child in that way, by cutting off part of his penis to atone and make up to the parents.

So if a sacrifice is needed how about your beloved wife sacrifice herself - maybe have a female circumcision - or something else cut off, if that's what is required. Why not suggest that to your wife, and then kiss her on the cheek.

I was right the first time when I suuggested you grow some.

And in case you've forgotten - YOUR job is to protect your baby and not use it as a human sacrifice.

Find this hard to see as anything other than physical abuse with no consent based on outdated and misguided thinking!

I'm interested in this discussion (expecting a ds and considering it) DH and I are both christian. He was circumcised as a baby for hygiene reasons. As I surgeon I have done paediatric and adult circumcisions. The paediatric ones have tended to be much simpler and untraumatic than adult ones which bleed more and are more difficult. I have seen many adult males with filthy smegma under the foreskin when I have done exams and put catheters in so I would say that once the boy is continent and out of nappies it is more hygienic to be circumcised. DH does not regret his circumcision. IMO having seen many it is a really simple and fairly painless thing to do if done by a good surgeon with local anaesthetic.

"it is more hygienic to be circumcised"

No, it's not.

As a matter of interest, laydees, which sort of member d'you prefer to be pleasured by?

(Likes a good turtleneck....)

*thinking that that must tip some sort of balance....

The hygiene argument should apply equally to women, chocolatehobnobs do you want your labia and clitoral hood to be cut off so your vulva and vagina will be easier to clean? Do you wish it had been done to you as a baby when you had no say in the matter?

chocolatehobnobs then you have been unfortunate to see many males that dont know how to wash properly, any boy or man is capable of washing themselves properly and then it isnt a problem at all.

and your opinion that it is fairly painless is based on what, you havent experienced it yourself, a small baby cant communicate the pain it suffers and older children/adults DO complain of pain, i know of one child who suffered extreme pain after having it done.

and what snapesmistress said.

interestingly the rev who posted saying she had had it done for cultural reasons (benin culture) didnt come back to explain why she hadnt done the same to her daughter (as its also common for girls in benin culture to be circumcised)

I think it's a bit scary when medical professionals hold views such as a foreskin is 'unclean'

"I have seen many adult males with filthy smegma under the foreskin when I have done exams and put catheters in so I would say that once the boy is continent and out of nappies it is more hygienic to be circumcised."

So you are advocating genital modification for reasons of hygiene? Do you also advocate colostomies to avoid the problem of a poorly-wiped arse?

can i ask hobnobs if you CHOOSE to have your child circumcised for NON medical reasons how will you get it done? i dont think its done on the nhs routinely unless its needed medically and i am guessing they may do it for cultural/religious reasons? but if you are choosing to have it done for reasons of personal preference such as hygeine...then i am assuming you would have to pay for it?

Animation, chocolate was referring to the timing of circumcision, not that it was in general more hygienic.

Yep, I am also saddened by the outcome of your heart to heart with your DW, UFHS, I'd be lying if I said otherwise. But not very surprised.

And as BadBagel said, if your future DS (this one or a future one, who knows? This issue is going to come up again if you are having further children) gets circumcised as part of a Jewish ceremony to welcome him into the Jewish faith, will that really keep your side of the family happy, simply because the tip of his penis will look like theirs/yours?? Really?

Also, I have misgivings about how you describe your relationship: you were reluctant to show your DW this thread because of language used, yet she hardly strikes me as a Little Woman who needs to be protected, does she? She got the agreement she quite clearly was going to get from the start.
Now don't get me wrong, I am very guilty of the 'can't be bothered to get het up about this' attitude, but I hope so far not at the detriment of my DCs' interestes.
I also think there is a danger that although you currently feel it is right to acquiesce, you might come to resent the fact that you agreed more and more as time goes on. And you will blame your DW. Festering resentment is not usually very good for a relationship... Really think about this.

And on a lighter note, you know what? Children are amazing. Before you have one of your very own, you have no concept how they can and will change you. And your DW. You may look at your newborn and decide there and then that you will kill anybody who goes near him with a knife - and your DW may well feel the same .

Or: you end up having half a dozen girls and will never truly have to address this thorny issue.

Do let us know about the scan result though, will you?

Oh bollocks, I misread chocolate's post; I must learn to slow down when reading, sorry, folks.