To have co slept with my 6wo niece?

[Piggyleroux]

I am really upset at what happened this morning and my bil and sil house (dh's brother) but suspect iabu so thoughts would be appreciated.

I posted in the breast and bottle feeding section last week about my sil 6 wo dd having a pretty severe lactose intolerance. Sil decided not to bf and the medics eventually found a formula that she could just about tolerate. She is slowly gaining weight and is not nearly as pukey as she was so all good there.

However, night times are still horrendous for them with dd up most of the night screaming. Bil called my dh yesterday morning to ask if we would come and spend the night to give them a break as they were shattered and couldn't face another sleepless night.

When we got there (they live a good hour away) I was shocked to see how awful they looked. Really sleep deprived. Bil has a really high powered job that he has to be on the ball for and I really felt sorry for them both. Sil gave me instructions on making up feeds and said that dd is in her own room and once she has settled I can put her in there.

Anyway, they went to bed about 9 and dh and ds (16 mo) went up about 10. I am still bfing ds so gave him a quick feed and he settled and went to sleep. Dn was getting really grizzly so I gave her a bottle and she went to sleep. I put her in her cot and left the room as instructed by sil. She then started screaming. I picked her up and she fell asleep. I tried to put her down and started screaming. Anyway, this went on for a good hour so I went into the spare room which has a double bed in it and lay down with her. She turned her head toward me and went to sleep. And stayed asleep. Until 4am. I slept really lightly and any sniffles she made I woke up.

I gave her another feed at 4am and after that we went back to sleep. I woke up at 8am with dn still sleeping beside me. I could hear sil asking where she was. BIl came into the spare bedroom and shouted down that we were still in bed. Sil came in the room and went ballistic. She told me I was fucking irresponsible for cosleeping, didn't I know that her dd could have died? She said that she doesnt want her dd getting used to cosleeping amd wants her to be independent. I explained to her that I have been cosleeping with ds since he was born but she wouldn't listen. She was really ranting and we ended up leaving in a hurry.

On the way home, told dh that I think the baby screams because she simply needs human contact and needs to sleep near someone. They haven't had more than two hours unbroken sleep since they brought her home and truly think this is because she wakes up and panics because she is on her own.

Wibu to cosleep with her? I feel really hurt and upset by what was said.

dear god what a pile of preachy crap.
if only they had ran through corn fields,laughing,smiling,lactating and co sleeping.then,oh then would the world be better,baby sleepier,and mummy goddess status attained

Lactose intollorant babies can't be breastfed?
Any source?
Really, I've never heard that.

yes, mum0ftw0 because ALL mothers who breastfeed and co-sleep have perfect little darlings that never cause their parents any bother and the parents are in a constant state of happiness, never cross, tired or emothionally drained??

MJ - thank you, I know that now. I was suffering from something called post natal depression. You may have heard of it.

And also - from lactose-intolerance.co.uk - "Lactose is a sugar compound found inside milk. Any milk produced by animal or human contains lactose."

Link here

in the OP's neices case it certainly seems the most likely cause of all theyre going through is due to them not co-sleeping.

And the bottle feeding is known to increase colic which keeps them up crying also

they need to hire a nanny.get her on board
co-sleeping isnt the gold standard of parenting.some do.some dont

they def do need to get a nanny as i suspect the OP won't be offering to stay over and be childminder!

But given the OP's DN has been diagnosed as lactose intolerant, that's neither helpful nor important.

My first childbecame lactose intollerant when I stopped breastfeeding, so for us the formula caused the problem.
That's why I was confused at people not being able to breastfeed because of lactose intollerance, hmm

And you're basing that on an american website called KELLYMOM?

Unless you are a health care professional yourself, you cannot possibly comment on the baby in question.

A very close friend of mine has had a complete nightmare with her DS, who is lactose intolerant. He has been in and out of hospital. He had a reaction to BF, and has been through various formulas before they were able to settle on one which didn't cause a reaction. My poor friend was in piece because no one told her that the breast milk was causing a reaction - she was EBF and had no idea that the crying etc was partly down to her.

in pieces - sorry.

all the well had sil
bf,
co-slept
she wouldnt have all these problems,is v harsh and implies she brought this upon herself by what she doesnt do.and probably mirrors what op thought as she coslept another woman baby

some of you can get a bf point scoring out of nothing

Please don't make yourself out to be an expert. You're not.

MJ I never claimed to be. You however, have made specific diagnoses about two cases in which you have never met the mothers or the babies.

I simply gave a link to a website. It was another poster, up thread, who first suggested that lactose intolerant babies cannot have breast milk as it contains lactose.

Babieseverywhere Sat 06-Aug-11 21:57:25
Lastly if the baby is lactose intolerant (rather than cow milk protein intolerant) then the mother could not breastfeed. As all milk including human breastmilk has lactose sugars in it. If it was 'just' cow milk protein then the mother may choose to have a restrictive diet if she wishes to continue to breastfeed but that doesn't sound like the case here according to the OP.

All this is irrelevant. The OP said:

"Sil decided not to bf and the medics eventually found a formula that she could just about tolerate."

She DECIDED not to breastfeed. It wasn't impossible for her to breastfeed.

The previous sentence refers to a "pretty severe lactose intolerance".

The problem here is that it is all second hand information, and the OP has made it pretty clear that her child-rearing methods contradict those of her SIL rather. Taking "She decided not to BF" as a statement of fact is pretty simplistic. If the baby has a severe lactose intolerance, then that would have influenced the decision, would it not?