Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

Original poster

AIBU regarding Welsh?

216 replies

Jelly15 · 04/08/2011 18:11

DH and I been married for 18 years. He was brought up to speak Welsh as his first language. I was brought up in the same town to non Welsh speaking parents. DSs are billingual but, despite having lessons several times, I have not been able to get a grasp on Welsh.

The problem I have is when DHs family visit and are not talking directly to me they speak in Welsh. DH and DSs answer them in English and translate for me. I have kept my mouth shut for years and understand it if I am in their houses but this is my home and I am about to tell the rude baskets what I think. AIBU?

OP posts:

Mumwithadragontattoo · 07/08/2011 11:06

I think they probably think you understand Welsh as you've been in a Welsh speaking family so long and haven't said anything. To be honest I think you should try harder to learn Welsh when it is the first language of so many of your closest family members. If people don't speak it will die and I think those who do speak it should be enabled to do so as much as poss when they are in Wales.

I actually don't believe that you don't understand Welsh after 18 years and the 2 other member of your household speaking it. You may struggle to speak it so by all means answer your in laws in English but I bet you do understand most of what is said.

Original poster

Jelly15 · 07/08/2011 13:55

We speak English in the home. DSs learnt Welsh through being taught in the Welsh speaking stream at school, not through thier father. I live close to my own family who are not Welsh speaking and spend a lot of time with my sisters, one of my sisters DH is Welsh speaking and their DC don't speak Welsh. My best friend is non Welsh speaking and like me still put her DC through the Welsh stream in school, however, her DD had to be moved into the English stream at 9 years old as she was so far behind the others in her class, three years later she is getting top marks in school.

I am pro Welsh, I would not like to see the language die out and am proud of my sons for being able to speak Welsh. The fact is I can't. I know some posters think I secretly can I, if I could I would, or those who think I haven't tried hard enough, I know I have tried my very best but that will never be good enough for some people.

The reason for this post is I am being made to feel uncomfortable in my own home where we speak English and I think my ILs are unreasonable I just wanted to know how many people did or didn't share my opinion. By the way my DH does answer his family in English in our home even though they speak Welsh to him and like my DSs translates.

We can be having a conversation and then it is like I am not of any importance to ILs and suddenly I can't follow. I don't have any problem in their homes or in public, just under my roof.

OP posts:

ZZZenAgain · 07/08/2011 14:05

is there some reason why all the nurseries and schools in Wales couldn't be bilingual from scratch? I'd say that's the best way to stop the language dying out.

Original poster

Jelly15 · 07/08/2011 14:17

Some schools are category A (Welsh medium) and catergory B (English medium, but really more bilingual), some larger schools have both. My generation seemed to have missed out (I am 40) because catergory B at primary school level had very little Welsh back then, we were only taught songs and rhymes. When I went to Grammar school we had a total of two and a half hours per week of Welsh lessons, the teacher was assisstant head and always late to class and left early as she was busy with admin. Maybe if i was a child in school now I would have had a better start regarding speaking Welsh.

OP posts:

garlicbutter · 07/08/2011 15:30

Jelly, your thread has brought out a lot of strong feeling about the Welsh language. The fact is that your thread wasn't about the ins & outs of resuscitating a regional language - you made that clear from the start - it's about your rude, chauvinistic and sexist in-laws. I'm very relieved to hear your H supports you by answering them in English!

If you were looking for validation, here's mine :) :)
You're not unreasonable. They are.

As a side note, I imagine your Welsh is actually quite good by now. If your ILs choose to put you down for not being a native speaker, then that's just another indicator of their bad manners. Yn cadw eich, uchel pen ferch! (Translated by Google, god knows what it says ... )

pasqueflower · 07/08/2011 19:02

I haven't read all of this thread, so have probably missed some key info about the OP's inlaws and their behaviour.

However, 18 years seems an awfully long time to have not raised the subject with them, so I'd say yabu in wanting to complain about it now.

Also, as a Welsh-speaker whose dc are in Welsh medium education, I do find it exhausting to be the only parent in the household who can help them with their homework now they're teenagers. My dh made some half-hearted attempts to learn early on, understands just about everything, but hardly speaks it, and it puts a massive burden on me now that dc are older.

I think he would've welcomed a situation where he was immersed in Welsh and therefore would have had to learn it properly.

JemimaMuddledUp · 07/08/2011 19:24

Jelly I think that is definitely true regarding getting a good start in Welsh at school.

I am 33. Our village primary school was the equivalent of category A now, everything was taught through the medium of Welsh. It was actually quite unpopular at the time, and some children were sent to town schools to avoid the Welsh! However for those children who came from non Welsh speaking homes it did immerse them in Welsh and after a few years they were speaking as fluently as those from Welsh speaking homes. There were two choices of secondary - the Welsh school or the English school. However even in the English school you had to study Welsh to GCSE, so most people of my age at least have some grasp of the language.

Now in my county most all primary schools are Category A, although some schools are still more Welsh than others. Most nursery schools come under Mudiad Ysgolion Meithrin, so are welsh medium.

I would agree with garlic that your Welsh is probably better than you think, certainly in terms of how much you understand. I have to remind my DC that even though my mum doesn't speak Welsh she understands an awful lot (especially the rude stuff )

Your inlaws however are just plain horrible. I don't get on enormously well with mine either, so I do sympathise. Inlaws from hell are available in every language and culture, unfortunately!

Shutupanddrive · 08/08/2011 07:49

garlicbutter that means 'keep your head up girl' sort of but it's the wrong way round!

gorionine · 08/08/2011 11:47

Sorry OP, I must have missed something in your other posts, I had not realised that your DH was answering to them in English, I do appologise for being very harsh on him.

garlicbutter · 08/08/2011 11:50

I suspected as much, shutup! Google translated it back again as something like "Keep up, head girl" Thanks for getting what I typed in!!

YummmyMummy · 08/08/2011 14:58

YANBU. I have the same situation and so do several friends. It's a tough one, yes they speak Welsh, good for them. I respect that and my kids are also bilingual and I love the extra opportunities it gives them. However, I have no desire to, nor time to learn another language yet it seems I owe it to them. Ugh. I think it's something you just have to learn to ignore....

pickledsiblings · 08/08/2011 15:22

Jelly, thanks for answering my question. If you speak English in your home then I don't think it is unreasonable for you to ask your ILs to do the same. I imagine you feel undermined in front of your DC and the fact that they translate for you must make you feel 'weird' too. How are you going to instigate change though? If you are giving up on learning the language youself (old dog, new tricks and all that) then you could just come straight out and say so and tell your ILs next time they visit that you really would prefer if everyone spoke English from here on in. Make sure DH backs you up though. Good luck with it all .

WillowFae · 17/10/2011 22:41

I know that glitterandglue mentioned this earlier, but seriously, if you want to learn Welsh you HAVE to try www.saysomethinginwelsh.com

I cannot praise this course highly enough. I am learning Welsh for fun and it is NOTHING like how I learnt languages at school! I am surprised when people say that it is a hard language to learn because this is the only way I've ever tried to learn it and it doesn't feel like hard work.

Primafacie · 17/10/2011 23:29

Zombie Welsh thread

BeatRoute · 17/10/2011 23:34

Nah, not a zombie. Looks like an advert to me...

WillowFae · 18/10/2011 11:52

Not an advert at all. I'm a regular member here and I've recently started learning Welsh. My son is also interested so I was looking on Mumsnet for threads about teaching children. It was mentioned on here that the OP might think about trying to learn Welsh given her circumstances so I wanted to second glitterandglue's recommendation.

I actually searched Talk for 'Welsh' and didn't realise that this was an oldish thread.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9