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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU regarding Welsh?

216 replies

Jelly15 · 04/08/2011 18:11

DH and I been married for 18 years. He was brought up to speak Welsh as his first language. I was brought up in the same town to non Welsh speaking parents. DSs are billingual but, despite having lessons several times, I have not been able to get a grasp on Welsh.

The problem I have is when DHs family visit and are not talking directly to me they speak in Welsh. DH and DSs answer them in English and translate for me. I have kept my mouth shut for years and understand it if I am in their houses but this is my home and I am about to tell the rude baskets what I think. AIBU?

OP posts:
exoticfruits · 05/08/2011 19:12

I think there are lots of reasons why we should learn other languages but I don't see the need for Welsh-unless you happen to be Welsh. In the same way I wouldn't learn Dutch, but I would learn a more widespread language.

ilovejondanby · 05/08/2011 19:54

has the matter now been resolved op? i will admit i am very passionate about wales and the welsh language lol but i hope that the issue can be resolved without any serious issues arising :)

gorionine · 06/08/2011 10:17

"She is not being excluded if children are translating for her"

Yes she is because by the time it has been translated to her the conversation has moved and she cannot mae a contribution. I just cannot figure out why her DH lets this happen!

unpa1dcar3r · 06/08/2011 11:49

I know some Welsh swear words if anyone wants to know

Oh yes please Shutup! The only thing I know which is remotely rude is Ki-der-geg (and I know that is spelt soooo wrong) and hogin druge (spelt wrong again) but I'm sure you know what I mean.
You'll have to spell them but also put the pronunciation alongside or I'm knackered!!!! Grin

Original poster
Jelly15 · 06/08/2011 12:24

I have tried very hard not to let my ILs attitude and my lack of ability stop me from encouraging my DSs to learn the language. I had the opportuninty of having them taught through either medium and chose Welsh, my husband wasn't bothered about it either way.

I do think that the way some, the minority, of Welsh speakers talk down to non Welsh speakers does little to encourage people to learn. I agree with poster who said my confidence has been knocked by my ILs.

Yes there are underlying issues with my ILs. My FIL told my DH, "Shag her but don't marry her." I saw my SIL slap her DS hard across the face when he spoke to her in English. I could go on.

I have kept quite because they are my DHs family and I didn't want to cause problems for him but years and years of feeling uncomforable in my own home has just built up to the point where I feel nothing but dislike for them.

For those who have learnt Welsh I have nothing but admiration but I am obviously lacking in some area of intelligence that I can't, although I am not completely thick I do have four A levels (1 A & 3 B's).

OP posts:
pointydog · 06/08/2011 12:30

It's not really about welsh, though, is it. They just sound like a pretty horrible family.

mrswoodentop · 06/08/2011 12:42

Jellybean can't believe that your SIL would slap a child for speaking English ,that is horrendous

babybarrister · 06/08/2011 12:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pointydog · 06/08/2011 12:50

Why should speakers of minority languages speak other minority languages?

JemimaMuddledUp · 06/08/2011 12:50

Your SIL slapped a child for speaking english?!?!?!?!?! Shock Shock Shock

Now I work for a welsh medium organisation in a very welsh speaking area. My DC attend a welsh medium school. I speak far more welsh than english on a day to day basis. I meet a lot of very ardent welsh nationalists (including several who won't allow their children to wear clothing with slogans on in english, even when said child is too young to read). However slapping a child for speaking has completely shocked me! There is no way that that is normal behaviour!

As others have said, this is about far more than just the Welsh.

WidowWadman · 06/08/2011 13:03

babybarrister The OP is a Welsh Woman living in Wales with a Welsh speaking Welsh man and Welsh speaking Welsh children. What has the suggestion that it would be not unreasonable to have at least some proficiency in both native languages of her home to do with the lack of native speakers of one minority language not speaking many other minority languages.

If that Catalan speaker you object to not speaking Welsh to you, but English, which you're obviously capable of understanding, never goes to Wales, he has no reason to learn that language.

It's not about minority languages at all, it's about making an effort to learn to speak the language(s) of whatever region you're living in.

WidowWadman · 06/08/2011 13:05

Jemima - but slogan t-shirts in any language are naff :o

Agree with you that the slapping is shocking and unacceptable though.

WidowWadman · 06/08/2011 13:09

"Yes she is because by the time it has been translated to her the conversation has moved and she cannot mae a contribution. I just cannot figure out why her DH lets this happen!"

Not neccessarily true, that's how I often facilitate conversation between my parents and my husband - they speak some English but not fantastically fluent, he understands some German, but speaks even less, and some concepts you can more easily express in one language, but not the other, so translating makes sense.

Of course you have to make the effort to allow time for translation, which slows conversation down. But that's a politeness issue, not a translation issue.

exoticfruits · 06/08/2011 13:21

If my FIL had said that about me I would find it very difficult to speak to him in any language. Shock

JemimaMuddledUp · 06/08/2011 13:24

I know widow, but objecting to baby socks from GAP on the basis that they say "baby" on the bottom does seem to me a bit extreme...

WidowWadman · 06/08/2011 13:28

Jemima Oh dear. That is extreme. OP's family doesn't sound very nice either - but that I think is not about the language but about them being twits

exoticfruits · 06/08/2011 13:41

Insecurity-if they were secure and happy it wouldn't bother them in the slightest.

fedupofnamechanging · 06/08/2011 15:13

Going from your last post Jelly, I wouldn't have these people in my house, no matter what language they were speaking. Sounds to me like they will object to being told to speak English in your house, in which case you are going to have to make a stand and insist that they are polite to you or get out of your house (and life).

Your DH should have taken care of all this years ago. You are his choice of life partner and if his family can't be respectful of that, then they have no place being around you or your children.

As for your SIL, I'd have slapped her. See how she likes it, the nasty bitch.

garlicbutter · 06/08/2011 15:18

From what you've written, Jelly, they're abusers and Welsh just happens to be their weapon of choice. I do hope your DH has managed to escape becoming one of them - though he ought to be standing up for you, not permitting their abuse. I feel sad for you.

All the same, I would adopt a "guerilla learning" strategy, if for no other reason than to put one over on them! And, well, you're Welsh so why not?

Depending on how much other crap there is going on, you might want to start a thread in Relationships. Take care of yourself, please, and make sure you always have good friends :)

unpa1dcar3r · 06/08/2011 15:33

If my FIL had said that about me I would find it very difficult to speak to him in any language.

Oh I wouldn't!!! I believe I would draw on the language of the Anglo-Saxons and speak to him very fluently, cheeky f**ker, how insulting to speak to his sons GF in that way- or any women!
But (at the risk of being shot down in flames here) most of my welsh friends moan about the chauvanistic ways the blokes have. I've heard it myself and it's awful the way they speak to their partners sometimes, but to them it's normal!
If my husband spoke to me like that I'd chop his knackeres off and serve em up in a pickle jar!

biryani · 06/08/2011 15:53

YANBU. It's downright, and surprising too. None of my Welsh -speaking friends or aqcuaintances would dream of speaking Welsh knowing that there are non-Welsh speakers present.

ZZZenAgain · 06/08/2011 21:22

my guess is the ILs will not be polite to OP regardless of how she puts her request to please speak English in her home so that she is not excluded from the conversation.

I know you put up with this for your dh's sake and they are his family. However personally, I would not. You have to know what is right for you and dh but I owuld be disentangling myself from this crowd

gorionine · 07/08/2011 09:52

Of course you have to make the effort to allow time for translation, which slows conversation down. But that's a politeness issue, not a translation issue.

Indeed it is a politness issue, rather than a language. Due to the fact that the adults are not slowing the converstation to translate to her, she has to rely on her DCS to translate (hence why I say she is excluded of the conversation) As I understand it it is the children who translate for her, not the adults having the conversation stopping every now and then to let her know what is happening or even engage with her minimally. They are ignoring her completely and deliberatly. That is different to your situation (or mine which I explained in my first post.)

I cannot remember which poster said something on the lines of "they are horrible but thankfully your DH is not like them..." I totally desagree, for the simple reason that he let that situation last for years and is not even the one bothering to translate for his wife (if he had been he would have realised how ridiculous the situation was -and tireing for him- and would have put a stop to it years ago. Maybe it would have had a positive repercussion on his wiife's confidence), he is either not that different to them or very very weak IMHO. OP I really am not trying to put your DH down but in that instance he is the solution to the problem and needs to realise that.

WidowWadman · 07/08/2011 10:27

gorione I undersdtood it that the children were part of the conversation

pickledsiblings · 07/08/2011 11:05

OP, what is the language situation at your house when your ILs are not there? Who speaks what to whom?

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