AIBU regarding Welsh?

[Jelly15]

DH and I been married for 18 years. He was brought up to speak Welsh as his first language. I was brought up in the same town to non Welsh speaking parents. DSs are billingual but, despite having lessons several times, I have not been able to get a grasp on Welsh.

The problem I have is when DHs family visit and are not talking directly to me they speak in Welsh. DH and DSs answer them in English and translate for me. I have kept my mouth shut for years and understand it if I am in their houses but this is my home and I am about to tell the rude baskets what I think. AIBU?

Just to add... I don't really understand why some posters consider it ok for people to be rude because Welsh is a minority language. Rude is rude and none of the Italians, Swedes, French or Germans I've lived around have ever been precious about helping me out with correcting my pronounciation in a helpful way or speaking English in casual conversation or formal situations. In return, I've always tried very hard to make sure that I learn the language of the country I happen to be living in and people appreciate that. The OP doesn't live in a Welsh-only country, she lives in a bilingual country, has made repeated efforts to learn the language and has put up with this rudeness for 18 years. She isn't some arrogant tourist thinking that if she speaks REALLY LOUDLY and sloooooowly every furriner will speeky englishy.

Jelly15, I think a lot of posters are being rude to you on your thread, as are your in-laws in RL. However, I agree with the gist of most of your replies so here's my take on it.

Welsh speakers can be very chauvinistic about their language. I got the wrong end of it when I lived, briefly, in Wales. The French are the same ('chauvinist' comes from Chauvin, who was a French supremacist.) This attitude is rude, especially when the foreign speaker's trying to learn the language.

I always learn the language! I haven't got some mysterious gift for it, I'm just bloody-minded and want to know what people are saying 'behind my back'

Your in-laws have damaged your confidence, which is why you can't learn.

So here's my plan: Firstly,make up your mind to learn Welsh in secret Get a friend to give you conversation practice, sign up for classes at the library, listen to Welsh radio, make it your project not theirs. Secondly, start doing 'broken record' with your ILs. Just say, ever so normally, "Please speak English" every time they launch off in Cymraeg. That's it, just be a broken record. Thirdly - later, when you're really confident in your secret skills - shock 'em!

Go for it Don't let the bastards break you down!

My friend is writing me a letter of complaint in Welsh Jemima, she was when I told her.

Excellent. You could still name and shame them on here though...

That's very sad, notso, and I agree that you should let the organisation know. I was glad to hear that proposed plans to change Eisteddfod signs to Welsh only this year were scuppered, because as others have said, what better and more happy a place can a learner find to practice and learn Welsh?

I think they are being rude and YANBU. As another poster said perhaps their attitude has not helped you learn the language - I would be terrified to try in front of them.

On a different note well done for encouraging and supporting you dc to learn the Welsh. When my gran got engaged to my grandad, she went to his house for tea. His mother and aunts sat round bitching about her in Gaelic (so she felt) and she vowed no child of hers would learn Gaelic. His brothers wife's had the same experience. No child grandchild or great grandchild has learnt Gaelic and my grandad was not allowed to watch Gaelic tv until he was in his 70s! Bitchiness has a role in killing off minority languages

I like your idea of guerilla language learning garlic :o

I think that if it bothers you that much then something should be said maybe to your husband first? No being discriminated against does not give anyone the right to do it and i think it is especially shameful that it happened at the eisteddfod. However, not every welsh speaker is chauvanistic about their language, the majority of us are supportive and encouraging, yes we probably are a little peeved about people living in Wales not bothering to learn Welsh - but then the same argument is made about people not learning English and living in England, and why should we not speak our OWN language. Welsh is not a minority language - it is the national language of Wales and we are very proud of it :)

Welsh is a minority language jondanby - even in Wales. Just over 20% can speak it.

But I get your point!

I would agree that bitchiness kills off minority languages. Welsh people deliberately speaking Welsh to exclude (which is quite deliberate in some parts) puts me off learning even the simplest words-whereas friendliness, and making sure that everyone was included, would encourage me to make the effort. I should hasten to add that I have plenty of perfectly nice Welsh friends-I think it is just the insecure who do it.

most people speaking Welsh aren't doing it to exclude though. I work with Welsh speakers and they are just speaking in their own langage, nothing sinister or excluding about it.

I agree that most people are not-which is fine but some most definitely are.

I think Welsh is very hard to learn. DB is married to a Welsh woman and has lived there for nearly 20 yrs. He knows the basics and only the basics and he has tried. Part of the problem is that at work, and all the places he visits for work, people only speak English (or French, German etc butnot Welsh). And SIL doesn't speak Welsh that fluently although the children do. And her mother and brother don't speak Welsh in front of DB.

I think you should have said something before now really. And tried a bit harder as it was clearly going to be a big issue marrying into a Welsh-speaking family.

I love Welsh though. DD and I tried to teach ourselves a bit last year so we could speak to my neice - it was comical! At least it gave DN a laugh....

My gradmother was a native Welsh speaker from Flintshire. In fact she didn't speak any English at all until she met my Grandad.

When she moved to England with him she never spoke Welsh again.

Until one family party, in the 70s, we were all doing "turns" (I sang "Two Little Boys" :o) and when it was her turn she sang Land of My Fathers in Welsh in the most beautiful singing voice, with tears rolling down her face! Everybody stopped and stared. It was an amazing moment and a seminal childhood memory for me. Just thinking about it now makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up!

I'd learn a few choice Welsh swear words if I were you...

Don't think there are any Mrs gravy!
It's funny cos they'll be chatting away in Welsh and every now n again (depending who is talking and the situation of course) the odd swear word will be used- in English.

I was thinking of going to college to try and pick some up but welsh friends have said not to bother as the way it is spoken is not the same as it is written mainly anyway.
The equivalent say to someone using Queens English to say 'Hello, how are you today' but you'd might say 'Hiya how're you' IYSWIM (not a good example really but me brains gone dead)
Mostly here they'll say 'Iawn' which means 'are you alright/hiya' type thing. The young boys make me laugh cos they'll say 'Iawn Boy' to anyone who is male even if that male is 100!

Curry, my eyes filled up reading your post! A beautiful moment. (rather like fatty Lewis sea burial in twin town)

Back to the original post, my aunty married a welsh speaker and endured years of her in laws only speaking welsh, despite her lack of the language, when they both died she told her husband that was it! No more welsh crossed their door.

It is very rude, but I suspect something of a generation that won't change. My aunty never said anything, and obviously it's too late to now!

Very rude of them, but a bit late for you to make an issue of it.

Possibly, as a "family" they are probably just used to speaking to each other in Welsh. Perhaps it feels comfortable and its hard to change. I can understand why it might feel uncomfortable and irritating for you, but I don't necessarily think its malicious in intent. You do sound angry in your OP, I don't know if you are angry about other stuff to do with your inlaws, or if its just this.

I was wondering what is your husband's take on it all?

babybarrister If they lived in an area where Catalan or Basque is spoken, I guess it would make sense for them to learn those languages. But since the thread is about a Welsh woman, living Wales and married to a Welsh speaker with Welsh speaking children, but not speaking Welsh, this does not apply.

If she lived in Andorra, I think she ought to try and pick up at least some conversational Catalan. Since she lives in Wales, she ought to try and pick up Welsh

I know some Welsh swear words if anyone wants to know

Oh I know lots of very rude things in Dutch - very handy with the DP in front of the kids :o

Joint first languages are Welsh and English. Went on to learn French, German and a bit of Dutch and Spanish. It may suprise you, but most schools don't offer Catalan or Basque, and it is hard to learn a language without the opportunity to practice it regularly. I did think about learning Irish Gaelic at university as it was offered, but it clashed with compulsory modules on the timetable. If I lived in a country where another language was spoken I would make an effort to learn it.

babybarrister that way you could argue that there's no need for an English native speaker to learn any other language, as most people speak English anyway.
(Which I guess is the crux of the matter)