to be devasted and struggling to get over this nasty wicked comment

[sunshinelifeisgood]

A long story cut short. Had a great family and friends day out today at a festival. My dd and her bf came with me and my siblings were there. It was lovely. My brothers oldest friend came, I have known him since I was very small.

At the end of the evening (9.30pm) myself, daughter and her boyfriend were standing chatting wating for the taxi, brothers friend came up to me and said

Hi Susi was just thinking that if you did not have a hare lip you could of gone so much further :(.

My daughter looked at me and I laughed and said "Dont worry about it and did the woosh over the head thing, but she was furious. I had to laugh it off and said "well at least I am a nice person".

We got a cab back and to be honest I encouraged her to go stay at her bf (she is 19 ) and I came in and cried and cried. How can someone be so mean and nasty I cant get over it.
I try my very best to be nice to people, i'm not saying I am perfect but I would never deliberately be nasty to someone and that is the truth. I feel fecking gutted and humilated and guess I just wanted to talk

[sunshinelifeisgood]

Jasper and all of you that have posted such nice comments (Jasper i hope that you had a moan and a cry and moved on from it) I am definitley going to ring/text my brother and siter tommorow and let them know what has gone on tonight and I will let them know that I was that gutted that I was on mumsnet upset. Actually the lovely messages made me cry all over again :)
Jasper I hope you did what I am going to do.

[sunshinelifeisgood]

I had a biolateral clefte palate and hare lip. Which basically meant that my palate was split in two and the lip never formed properly. A bone from my rib was taken to build my nose at a very young age. I had 27 operations and the last one was when I was 40 which was purely cosmetic I must admit.

Just to let you know how I became (according to mumsnet) stunning :) and that was me feeling a bit better about myself by the way

thanks to all
xx

[jasper]

sunshine, the comment was about 20years ago. It burned deeply into my brain for several days, adn occasionally haunted me for months , off and on. I cried my eyes out, actually.

The person( who I was in a relationship with ) said "you would be really beautiful if it was not for .........".

we broke up.


It means precisely nothing to me now. I look back and think what a total arse he was to say it. No one else has ever commented on this particular thing. I think he wanted brownie points for being honest but on another level I am convinced he wanted to cut me down to size ( Hester's theory)

I only remembered it because of this thread.

You too will forget the verbal tic of an unrestrained twit/ arsepiece.

[Empusa]

You are gorgeous!

The bloke is a pillock, and doesn't deserve to breathe the same air as you!

[sunshinelifeisgood]

jasper, i am sorry you had a comment that hurt you, I as a child took many but as a adult learnt to fend them off. Tommorow I will wake up and think what a idiot for crying over some stupid fecking idiot. I am glad that you moved on and of course I will but like you tonight that comment fecking dag deep and dragged up all the old crap from someone who is meant to be a adult :( and supposedly a family friend.

[Empusa]

"Tommorow I will wake up and think what a idiot for crying over some stupid fecking idiot."

The only idiot is that man. Not you.

Getting upset is natural, but at least you know you are better than him.

[sunshinelifeisgood]

Empusa, thank you and for all the other kind comments that I have read and not noted your names. I am glad that I posted tonight although I have now laid myself bare.
Now you all can see me for who I am :)

[CRS]

Yes - a nice, normal individual! The person who said this is an absolute idiot, and you should feel glad that you are not a complete twunt! PLEASE don't feel bad at all. Cx

[drfayray]

Now you all can see me for who I am

And what a stunner you are!

Take heed of the comments here. You are lovely, he is a fuckarse.

[Nihilisticbunny]

You are gorgeous sunshine, honestly I would give a million quid to look like you. Ignore the big fat inadequate twat.

[sunshinelifeisgood]

thank you CRS it is easier said than done sometimes, but everyone is right he is the one that is a twunt and i hold my head up high. Hey I have been married twice have two fantastically lovely kids. I am now thinking that I wish people would accept people for who they are and not what they fecking look like.

[SpareRoomSleeper]

What a nasty arse! You are gorgeous and have a lovely family, and he is clearly very jealous.

[sunshinelifeisgood]

fecking hell i wish i had mates like you all in RL. Although I am now thinking that I have opened my heart a little and let people in, Something that I have not really done. I am not gorgeous I know that, I am me.

I hope that he wakes up in the morning and thinks "feck omg I floored her how the feck am I going to make up for that" and do you know what . There is no going back as far as I am concerned, drunk or sober I cannot forgive a comment like that. To me it was personal I have known him since I was a kid.
Please no flaming I cant take it :(

[duchesse]

Only possible response to such a crass comment OP is "And you might have gone further if only you weren't such a major arsehole !"

[sunshinelifeisgood]

ty duchesse, I am now going to give myself a good slap and talking to because it is actually half two in the morning :) I need to wake up in the morning and take a very good look (after putting on my slap ha ha) Sorry tyring to sound funny. But actually I feel like a ugly twunt simple as that im afraid. God I hate people :(

[HengshanRoad]

Sunshine, I saw your profile photo and you look like a wonderful person, both inside and out. It's your brother's friend that deserves a slap, not you!

[GColdtimer]

Sunshine my dh has a port wine birthmark he has spent a lifetime trying to deal with. A comment like that to him would have taken him right back to the playground and the bullies so I can imagine how you feel.

Hope you get some sleep and wake up with the knowledge you are a beautiful person with a lively family and he is just a twat.

[Memeandme]

I have no idea how to look at someone's profile so can't comment myself but from what everyone else and yourself have said you sound like a lovely person both inside and out, I'm sorry this arse felt some perverse need to upset you, fucking idiot !

[izzywhizzyletsgetbusy]

I remember your post about your dad's sheltered accomodation; you're sensitive and caring therefore, regardless of physcal looks , you qualify as one of the truly beautiful people in this world. As it happens, you are absolutely stunning in your photo and I have no doubt you're way up there in the looks department in real life too.

Anyone who can make such a crass comment is just a twat; there's a fair few about but they are so pathetic that's it's hardly worth bothering to engage in conversation with them let alone lose sleep, or be reduced to tears (unless they're of laughter), by the puerile nonsense that they spout.

However, I suspect that what's hurting you more than anything is thinking that, ever since he's known you, he's judged you purely on the basis of physical appearance and found you wanting.

If this is, indeed, the case you're going to feel a fool because you've made a gross error in judgement in regarding him as a trusted friend.

Whatever, the twat owes you one huge apology and if he has the balls to beg your forgiveness please don't hesitate to tell him exactly how he made you feel, how you had to hold it together in front of your wonderful dd, and how you had to encourage her to stay over with her boyfriend so that you could go home and sob yourself to sleep.

In other words, make him feel your pain in the hope that, drunk or sober, he'll never again use words to hurt another living soul.

Be proud of your cleft, honey. It has defined and refined you and, unlike the twats of this world, you've got everything going for you.

[izzywhizzyletsgetbusy]

Meme just click on sunshine's name to see her profile.

[iscream]

sunshine, you are not ugly, so erase that from your head.
Think of your best qualities, not focus on things you don't like. Yes, you did have to suffer, but you look great. Some people will never be able to have a lovely face such as yours face them from a mirror, no matter how many surgeries they have.
Besides, and I know you have probably heard this a million times, but it is something we all need to keep in mind,. Beauty is from within.
Stop yourself from this negative thinking. He is a class A jerk.

[ElectricSoftParade]

I am so sorry you have had this completely foul conversation.

What a total tool this man sounds.

As every other poster has said, you look amazing and you also come across as a kind, thoughtful person. I hope you wake up this morning and start to feel a bit better. Him, on the other hand, I hope he wakes up totally ashamed and in a world of torment over his crass and unkind comment.

Chin up lovely and a big pat on the back to your daughter.

[CheerfulYank]

Well, if that's you in your pic you are certainly lovely!

What an asshole.

[Becaroooo]

I am so sorry you have been upset by this drunken, limp dicked tosser

But thats what he is.

Now....go and look in the mirror and compare him to what you see.

Feel better?

Thought so!