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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be devasted and struggling to get over this nasty wicked comment

177 replies

sunshinelifeisgood · 31/07/2011 23:50

A long story cut short. Had a great family and friends day out today at a festival. My dd and her bf came with me and my siblings were there. It was lovely. My brothers oldest friend came, I have known him since I was very small.

At the end of the evening (9.30pm) myself, daughter and her boyfriend were standing chatting wating for the taxi, brothers friend came up to me and said

Hi Susi was just thinking that if you did not have a hare lip you could of gone so much further :(.

My daughter looked at me and I laughed and said "Dont worry about it and did the woosh over the head thing, but she was furious. I had to laugh it off and said "well at least I am a nice person".

We got a cab back and to be honest I encouraged her to go stay at her bf (she is 19 ) and I came in and cried and cried. How can someone be so mean and nasty I cant get over it.
I try my very best to be nice to people, i'm not saying I am perfect but I would never deliberately be nasty to someone and that is the truth. I feel fecking gutted and humilated and guess I just wanted to talk

OP posts:
FreudianSlipper · 01/08/2011 00:12

what a shame you are wasting your tears in this nasty idiot

though i too would be upset but you know it is really not worth it, i hope he is beating himself up for being so horrible

naught · 01/08/2011 00:12

Sunshine I had to read the whole thread before I realised that your brothers friend was talking about you, I had looked at your profile picture and assumed that your brothers mate was talking about your daughter Shock which, would of been weird with the 20+ age gap.
All I can say is he is a cunty little piece of shit.

Original poster
sunshinelifeisgood · 01/08/2011 00:14

I feel like shit im going to be honest and Im glad I encouraged my daughter to go stay at her boyfriends Im being stupid by crying I know. I done the bullies at school etc, ive done the operations and brought up the kids and was starting to feel good about myself and then this fuckwit comes along and humiliates me :(

OP posts:
debivamp · 01/08/2011 00:14

what a dick - dont let him get to you. (I know it is hard to hear when you are feeling really low). First thing tomorrow - ring your brother and tell him what his 'friend' said. If he is any sort of decent brother he will have a word and get you an apology.

letitlie · 01/08/2011 00:17

Sunshine your pic is lovely, real life is not obviously the problem, his twattish attitude is.

FreudianSlipper · 01/08/2011 00:18

no he tried to, do not let him

i think you look fantastic in your profile. you have to remember that anyone who tries to belittle others have a problem themselves, like you said you wouldn't why because you feel no need to make others feel bad, you are happy with yourself and happy for others to feel that way

ShellyBoobs · 01/08/2011 00:18

Don't stop feeling good about yourself because of a thoughtless prick, sunshine.

SharperSeven · 01/08/2011 00:18

You look lovely!
What an idiot he is.

backwardpossom · 01/08/2011 00:21

Ugh he's not worth your tears. Your profile pic shows a beautiful woman who is no way near 46! Don't waste your time thinking about it. x

BeerTricksPotter · 01/08/2011 00:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChaoticAngelofGryffindor · 01/08/2011 00:21

He's a twat. You are a lovely person and if I look as good as you when I reach your age I'll be happy :)

Original poster
sunshinelifeisgood · 01/08/2011 00:23

thank you everyone I just feel gutted about it like I said but I am going to take the positive (and kind) thoughts on board and move on from tonight. I know I have issues with the way I look and I deal with it. Before anyone else mean comes on board I mean that sometimes I put my hand up against my face (my issues) and they always will be!. I deal with my life each day and I try to be nice, I hope that in the next life he comes back as a fly and gets twatted :)

OP posts:
WillyWillyWilly · 01/08/2011 00:24

You are just stunningly gorgeous! What a moron that man is, I can only imagine he's jealous of you in some way.

If I were you, I'd be plotting his downfall (dick and bollocks removed in a nasty industrial accident would about cover it) but it's not going to do you any good.

Tell your brother what his cunt of a friend said. If your brother is anything like mine, he'll go and knock him into next week :)

But in reality, it's not going to do you an ounce of good dwelling on it. Just know that you're a gorgeous lady with a lovely daughter and family who love you, and that this man isn't worth your time crying about x x x

Rhinestone · 01/08/2011 00:24

Well I hope I look as fucking amazingly good at 46 as you do! I can't see anything either - except a lovely, happy, radiant, attractive woman.

He is clearly an utter cunt who was probably rueing his own lack of friends and family and wanted to bring down someone who highlights what he doesn't have. Don't be ashamed at being upset - ANYONE would be upset at a comment like that.

However there's an actual counseling term for this (I can't remember what it is, maybe someone can help me out) which means just because we're upset over something, it doesn't make it true. So you're understandably upset at his comment but THERE IS NO TRUTH BEHIND HIS WORDS.

queenmaeve · 01/08/2011 00:25

I could go round to his house with a baseball bat if you'd like. [have had wine tonight so i'm full of fightin talk]

hester · 01/08/2011 00:27

OK, he has an agenda and you don't know what it is. For some reason, he needed to cut you down to size. Has he always fancied you? Did he see you laughing and happy and it upset him because he is sad and lonely? Something is going on because people do not say such deliberately hurtful things for no reason.

But his reasons are not your problem. Just know that this is not about you: it is purely about his cycle of self-hatred which he then projects onto others. I am really sorry you were his victim, but look at the evidence. You: beautiful, personable, loved. Him: sorry little scrotum. There do seem to be some men who specialise in 'bringing women down to size' and you just need to keep them out of your life as much as possible.

seb1 · 01/08/2011 00:27

I am sure if it hadn't been for his " lovely personality" he could have gone much further. However a long walk off a short pier would be good for him.

Original poster
sunshinelifeisgood · 01/08/2011 00:29

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR LOVELY COMMENTS, honestly wether you think them or not they have made me stop crying :) I will be ringing my brother tommorow and making him aware of how his so called friend made me feel tonight, that I am still awake at half twelve crying. I am just so pleased that I sent my daughter out so she did not see my weak side because I never let her see it to be honest. Do not get me wrong I dont pity myself honestly it it just tonight he floored me and I was shocked that someone could say that to another person.

It is like saying to someone that has lost a leg "shame you lost that leg cos now you cant dance" :(

OP posts:
jasper · 01/08/2011 00:30

seriously, does he have mental health/ developmental issues ? Hester speaks a lot of sense. xx

Rhinestone · 01/08/2011 00:34

Grin at hester's 'sorry little scrotum'!!

And sunshine I do honestly think what I wrote so there! Wink The term I was searching for is 'cognitive distortion'. That bloke however, is a 'twuntish fuckwit sad loser sorry little scrotum distortion'!

Laquitar · 01/08/2011 00:34

I don't know what 'hare lip' means (english second language) so i thought i will click the photo and if i see something strange then that will be 'hare lip'. Well i clicked at the photo and i still cant work out what it means, i will have to google it.

I think this says it all.

This man must be VERY unhappy.

BluddyMoFo · 01/08/2011 00:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Rhinestone · 01/08/2011 00:36

Oops, posted too soon! Now dry your eyes, get yourself your favourite beverage and watch a bit of your favourite DVD / film etc to take your mind off the fact that there are some really nasty people in the world.

Original poster
sunshinelifeisgood · 01/08/2011 00:36

Hester, he has never shown any signs of fancying me, Im glad he doesnt.
qeeen: please feel free to bash him with a baseball bat, although i am not sure it will do any good.

What I have to do is stop being a wimp and move on my mum used to say to me when I was being bullied "get back out there and face your demons because they are no better than you". Dad however was a different demon :) and yes I am going to paint a smiley face on that because what went around came around. Sorry now sounding bitter and I do not mean to be

OP posts:
jasper · 01/08/2011 00:44

you don't sound bitter.
You sound wounded, and no wonder.

Why not call your brother tomorrow to tell him what happened ?

Someone said something similar to me once.

I actually can not bear to write it down, but I know how you feel