to be devasted and struggling to get over this nasty wicked comment

[sunshinelifeisgood]

A long story cut short. Had a great family and friends day out today at a festival. My dd and her bf came with me and my siblings were there. It was lovely. My brothers oldest friend came, I have known him since I was very small.

At the end of the evening (9.30pm) myself, daughter and her boyfriend were standing chatting wating for the taxi, brothers friend came up to me and said

Hi Susi was just thinking that if you did not have a hare lip you could of gone so much further :(.

My daughter looked at me and I laughed and said "Dont worry about it and did the woosh over the head thing, but she was furious. I had to laugh it off and said "well at least I am a nice person".

We got a cab back and to be honest I encouraged her to go stay at her bf (she is 19 ) and I came in and cried and cried. How can someone be so mean and nasty I cant get over it.
I try my very best to be nice to people, i'm not saying I am perfect but I would never deliberately be nasty to someone and that is the truth. I feel fecking gutted and humilated and guess I just wanted to talk

[exoticfruits]

I agree, he is pathetic and the best thing to do is totally ignore and just put him out of mind-it was straight back to the playground and your mother was right.

[Longtalljosie]

sunshine - he made you feel like that because he was bullying you. It wasn't thoughtless. He knew precisely what he was doing.

Some people only get to feel better about themselves by putting other people down. Which means they're pretty pathetic.

[RufusTFirefly]

Sunshine I am so sorry about what this total cunt said to you. My take on the old "sticks and stones" thing is that "words go in and fester". Please don't let this stay with you for long, or spoil your justifiable pride in your looks (stunning) and your happy life. You have been through hell and come out smiling.

I've had countless knock-backs in my life. The most hurtful one was about my singing. I was doing a gig with my exH on piano. At the bar was a drunk, who owned a trombone (this means he couldn't play it at all well). In the interval he said to my exH not to me:

"Tell your wife that she cannae phrase, she doesnae swing and she's got the kind of voice that empties pubs in Glasgow at closing time".

Ouch. Worst of all is that my ex didn't defend me or walk away from him. It was the first nail in the coffin of our marriage and I didn't gig for twelve whole years! It took ages to get my bottle back and since then I've done some good ones and been praised by people who are worth listening to. But I'll never get those twelve years back and I'm now kicking myself for letting the bastard get to me. I found out later that he made a habit of this kind of thing and dropped himself right in it with a well-known jazz musician for having a go at his wife in the same way.

The arsehole died of drink some years later. Karma's a bitch.

[sunshinelifeisgood]

Huffy: I have been lucky I guess I have been left with two scars running from my nose to my lip. Have no top muscle so when I speak it does not move and it it a bit flat. I also benefited greatly from speach therapy. (so glad my mum insisted on it now). My last op was when I was 40 and it totally corrected my nose as before that is was rather square and swayed to the side. If your ds is still unhappy and I say IF then she should go back to her surgeon and ask for cosmetic rather than corrective surgery. I wish her all the very best :)

As for the wanxxx i certainly did not reply to it and have deleted the text, for 24 hours he took me back to the playground when I would hide my face :( I will never ever do that again.

As a kid growing up I remember crying coming home and my mum bless her would send me out again and tell me to hold my head up high. Kids are wicked. Some adults are just nasty and they do not warrant the waste of my breath. thanks all again :)

[WhoseGotMyEyebrows]

It sounds like he is in the habit of saying such things and uses the drink as a excuse. What he text you isn't an apology. Why not text back saying

"What the fuck is that? Some lame attempt at an apology? Not good enough, try again."

Or

"In some ways I appreciate your honesty, as I have always wanted to tell you that I thought you would go further if it wasn't for your weirdly bald mishapen head, but I have more tact I suppose"

[AmyStake]

workedoutforthebest .. ... I don't even know where to start with that one.

How can people be so fucking ignorant, stupid and thoughtless?

[missorinoco]

I think LostmyIdentity's plan. Next time you see him sweetly say,"Good to see you sober. Not planning on making such a prat of yourself today I hope." And laugh, so it comes across as a joke. He'll get the point.

I'm also thinking his wife has had a go at him for saying such bollocks.

Silly twunt.

[missymarmite]

Sunshine, if I look half as good as you do in that photo when I am 46, I will be a happy woman. It sounds like this twat kind of fancies you and maybe part of him wants to bring you down to his level, maybe he thinks he can't attain you because you are so wonderful and out of his league. If I were your brother I would give him a piece of my mind if I knew about that, I'd want to defend you. Please tell your brother, he needs to know what a twat his friend is, and he really needs to let this person know how out of order he was. x

[Longtalljosie]

I would text back actually. I would say, and that's your attempt at an apology is it? I don't ever want to speak to you again. You are despicable.

And don't speak to him again. Why does he get to even come to future family gatherings after this?

[workedoutforthebest]

I once had someone tell me that I would have gone further if I hadn't have been black....that was a family member on my dp side.

[huffythethreadslayer]

My sister had a cleft palate and hare lip at birth and was lucky enough to have a special plate when she was young which was quite experimental at the time. It prevented her from developing speech difficulties. In fact, that last thing you could say about my chatterbox sister is that she has speech difficulties :)

She does, however, always feel conscious of her looks because her nose is misshapen after numerous operations and her top lip is scarred quite badly. She is, to everyone who knows her, f**king gorgeous and by far the most attractive out of we 5 girls in the family. At 53 she puts most 40 year olds to shame, and that's even on her no-makeup days and she has more personality than most people shoehorn into a lifetime.

I think about how my sister would have reacted to a comment like that and I know, despite the woman she's grown into, it would have reduced her to the scared, misfit child she felt she was. I am so angry for you and take heart in the fact that you are feeling stronger today. This guy is clearly a thoughtless twonk who deserves no respect or attention. You, on the other hand, look gorgeous and have so much more to offer than some brainless twunk who can't think of others before he opens his dumb mouth.

[HedleyLamarr]

ThePosieParker Mon 01-Aug-11 14:54:36

Jesus christ, to come up especially without warning to say that....

What a CUNT.

Couldn't have put it better myself. Then again, understated eloquence was never my strong point.

[LostMyIdentityAlongTheWay]

Have read my way through these posts... just amazed at how inhumane he has been.

Listen - you know what? I think he knows EXACTLY what he said - may WELL be the case that his wife has told him - or maybe he's aware of it in any case - was he SO drunk he's forgotten? methinks not.... - and he's trying to make an apology without being human enough to make it a proper one.

Fuck him. DON'T text him back.

Think hard- if you make it any more than this, it may impact on future events with your friends and family. Can you be bothered? Maybe take the higher moral ground and next time he talks to you, just say 'well, it's lovely to see you again, and this time, not so drunk that you are making really unpleasant comments about my harelip in public. My daughter did say what a total bastard she thought you were, and I have to say, that apology was a bit of total bollocks, don't you think?' Smile sweetly, make sure EVERYBODY has heard it - and move on. He - and everybody else will know you think he's a total shit - and you get to make your point and socialise with no loss of face.

Great picture, and move on. He's the one with the problem. I think he knows it!
xxx

[MorelliOrRanger]

Me too

[WhoseGotMyEyebrows]

That is so incredibly sad about the little girl with the burns!

[Rhinestone]

'I must admit I woke up this morning (my picture has make up on etc) and did think "feck me I know what he is talking about" '

Oh sweetheart, you do realise that one ALWAYS sees things in one's own appearance that other people just don't see don't you? Please understand - what you see when you look in the mirror is CATEGORICALLY NOT what other people see. I fucking promise you it's the truth. You are 10 times more attractive to other people than you think you are.

Read all the comments on this thread again - people telling you how attractive you are and no way on this earth are you 46! And by the way, you have incredibly beautiful eyes! Beautiful physically and beautiful as a window to the soul too.

[loubielou31]

You do look lovely in your profile picture, and your last lot of surgery must have been brilliant because there isn't a trace of a cleft lip in that picture.
I often wonder what mners would say if we posted a picture of ourselves that we truly hated and one we really liked, I'm not sure other people would think they were so different just that we are our own worst critics. I'm not brave enough to start that trend.
When I'm feeling ugly I like to remember the quentic blake illustration at the beginning of "The Twits" where a "beautiful" woman says ugly things and thinks ugly thoughts and it shows on the outside, whereas an "ugly" woman (but I think it says big nose and wonky teeth) says kind things and has kind thoughts and beauty beams from her. I found the picture oh hang on both bits on here

[perfumedlife]

Just seen this sunshine and am astounded at that ignorant, idiotic creep. You look absolutely gorgeous, even if you feel your lip is noticable, it can't detract from the fact that you are a very beautiful woman. And my god, if I look half as good in two years, I'll be a happy woman. Any tips going spare?

He's yesterdays news. Your happy life has no room for him or his vileness. You worked damn hard to get here, no way is that useless piece of getting to rock you. Send him to Glasgow, we do a great line in cutting them down to size.

[AmyStake]

He can't even apologise to you. Therefore, by my calculations, that makes him a cavernous twat. You don't need people in your life like that and I hope your brother bloody realises too. I am furious for you! You don't understand how someone can be so mean like that because you are kind and lovely, ten times the person he will ever be.

I can't even understand why he would say something like that. I've looked at your profile, you're gorgeous! You've got a beautiful face and if you hadn't had started this thread we would never have known you had a cleft pallette!

Do your parents know what this idiot has said? If they did I don't think they'll want him at the next family do either!

[sunshinelifeisgood]

If I were to ring him or my brother I probably would lose my temper, to my brother it is no big deal and his attitude would be "get over it", I have today and moved on, but on the next family do that dickhead is invited to I will NOT speak to him. To me he is nothing. He destroyed me last night to the extent that I was on the floor and i am not dramatising it. Today when I was driving over to my dad's and thinking about "real" although to me mine is real disfigurements I thought "actually im lucky really". I may feel sorry for myself again tommorow but today I am ok. :)

[Katisha]

HArdly an apology was it? "I have been told I said something to you..."

Definitely do not grace it with a reply. He patently still doesn't get it.

[snippywoo2]

but did speak to my brother today and he said "oh he is like that when he is drunk".

I would give my brother a ring and explain to him how much it upset me.

(what I would really do was phone him and say what hold has that prick got over you that you are not giving him so much shit that he's not phoning me and apologising in person, you tosser)

[sunshinelifeisgood]

Do you know what Pinky, 24 hours after the event and it truly truly hurt. i was thinking about it today . I was in hospital years ago with a little girl (she was about 10 and I was about 8), she had fallen into a fire on bonfire night, her parents brought her in as she was burnt from head to toe. Even her nose melted into her face!! Her parents never ever came back :(.

My mum used to come in every day (in those days you were in for a couple of weeks at a time) and she befriended her. For about five years after when I went in for the next op she would still be there. By the time I was 16 me and my mum went in and she was gone. She litterally had been put into a institution or something. We didnt hear much about her after that but my mum always said even though we only saw her in the ward for a couple of weeks a year she showed her compassion.

That made me realise that actually ignorant nasty twats like that are not worth my breath to be honest, it also has made me teach my two dc's never ever to bully. Feck me I am making out I am a angel but i am just a firm believer in whats goes around comes around. :)

[paulapantsdown]

oh Susi - I am only coming to this thread just now and I am sooo fucking angry that this knobhead said this to you.

Try and just forget about it - write it off as ignorance you can rise above.
I tell you what though, I think you look bloody great!

[pinkytheshrinky]

I think you should write this dickhead a letter - and tell him what he has done. Also tell him you do not ever wish to discuss it again so he cannot have an opportunity to apologise (he will be sorry of course...but fuck it he shouldn't have said it in the first place)

Someone has said something similar to my DD about her diabetes/coeliacs/epilepsy, the sort of what a shame, you are a clever/pretty girl and could have done a lot etc etc shame about your illnesses. blah blah. Just fucking fucking thoughtless - DD looked at me (as we have a clearly can-do thing going on) all confused and several days later the penny dropped for her . She is 10 ffs!

In the end I just told her that the person concerned was ignorant and that was far greater disability than she ever has - I am telling you the same

You poor poor love, what a thoughtless asshole.