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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to not pay for this takeaway meal?

352 replies

TidyDancer · 31/07/2011 10:20

Okay, quite prepared to be told IABU on this one, but I actually think I'm being reasonable on it.

My cousin has got annoyed that she is not invited round to my house much. She has come for lunch before, but when I see her, which admittedly is not really that frequently, I generally meet her in a park (which is about halfway between our houses) so that DS and her DD can play together. I will pack a picnic if the weather is nice. But my cousin wants to come for dinner now, and I've arranged it for Friday night.

I'm reluctant to have her here in the evening mainly because she is usually miserable and rude. She has never made much of an effort to get to know my DP and the evening will just be uncomfortable and a total bore. Fortunately, the children do actually play nicely together, so DS will have a buddy for the night! I am okay with the fact that she's coming round, but I am annoyed about her comments about the food.

DP is a brilliant cook and has offered to do something that would suit everyone, adult and child. This was my preference, as we are largely a vegetarian household (I am veggie, DP eats mainly a vegetarian diet, as does DS, DD just about to start weaning). We thought if the weather was nice, we could even do a barbecue and eat in the garden.

But my cousin has rejected this idea and wants to come round for a takeaway. She has made it clear that she expects DP and I to pay for her and for her DD. If we'd invited her round explicitely to have a takeaway, I might agree with her, but that's not it. Not only that, but her DD is a very fussy eater and will according to her mother, probably only have chips. If that's ever the case with DS, we will let him have chips, but they will be oven chips, and I will do them at home for him. He will eat with us and have them served at the same time, so he wouldn't know they weren't from the takeaway (not that he'd care). Aside from the fact that I am being expected to pay for the takeaway, I have now been told that it would be unfair for me to cook oven chips for my cousin's DD when we would be having a takeaway, so I should be ordering a portion of chips and a couple of things for her to try. Again, I am being expected to pay for all this.

This is in addition to the fact that she won't get a taxi home (she doesn't drive) so DP or I will have to drive her and her DD to their place, meaning one of us will not be able to have a drink with dinner. Not such a big deal, but it's bugging me with the other stuff.

AIBU to tell my cousin that if she wants to have a takeaway, she will be expected to make a contribution that covers her and her DD's share? And that unless she does, DP will make dinner?

OP posts:
TidyDancer · 05/08/2011 23:40

I considered the pom-bears! I even tried to get the elusive cheese and onion ones this week! I got those little cheese things that are shaped like playing cards though. When I was a kid, those were sophisticated, don't you know!

OP posts:
ZillionChocolate · 05/08/2011 23:52

I'd just have her DD over in future, maybe for sleepovers. No point feeding an adult who doesn't contribute. Well done for being brave!

LoveBeingAtHomeOnMyOwn · 06/08/2011 07:12

I'm site shell find a way Grin very rude though to sit watching telly all night whilst you were all outside.

lilmissminx · 06/08/2011 09:15

Well done Tidy You are doing her a massive favour, as she needs to learn before her daughter learns this behaviour. Your family know full well what she is like, and I'm sure none of them want her DD to go the same way. SHe must have some recognition of her own behaviour, to have warned her daughter at the mention of dinner.

BecauseImWorthIt · 06/08/2011 09:48
Grin

Oh well played, TidyDancer! Sounds like your family should have started treating your cousin like a normal human being years ago and not indulging her. How rude she is.

G1nger · 06/08/2011 09:58

Well done, Tidydancer. :)

InTheNightKitchen · 06/08/2011 10:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

puzzlesum · 06/08/2011 10:08

Well done, Tidy. I don't think you could have done better if you could have found any durian fruit to serve Wink

Excellently handled on the taxi front as well, what a bloody nerve.

erynsmum · 06/08/2011 10:27

Nice one Columbia! I would do exactly that!

I have a SIL like this and she gets away with allsorts! I won't stand for it though :)

Dylthan · 06/08/2011 10:32

Just pure brilliance :o

SugarPasteFrog · 06/08/2011 11:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChaoticAngeltheInnocentOne · 06/08/2011 13:09

Grin Well done you Grin

I love the fruit idea, the very fact that there was no meaning behind it is what makes it so brilliant.

You've probably done her a favour in the long run. Hopefully it'll make her think in future. At the very least she'll know she can't continue to be so rude to you.

TidyDancer · 06/08/2011 15:17

Thank you all, I love you very much!

I don't regret a thing this morning. I haven't heard from her, although as predicted, there was a Facebook status this morning...."pissed off". Can't prove it was directed at me, but I know and I don't care anyway!

I feel much better about things now, maybe she won't be quite so childish with me in the future. We'll see!

Am very happy I entertained you lot, I was worried you'd be disappointed at the lack of manky fanjos! Grin

OP posts:
LadyGrace · 06/08/2011 15:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 06/08/2011 15:55
Grin
pigletmania · 06/08/2011 16:08

My goodness pissed off at what exactly! I would ask her on her FB. What for you giving her and her dd a lovely time, feeding and entertaining them. Some people eh, the mentality of them. At least you stuck up to her and she knows that she cannot take advantage of you.

pigletmania · 06/08/2011 16:08

BTW what did you have for BBQ per chance Smile

Collision · 06/08/2011 16:14

Brilliant thread!

I do love an update too. Grin

I would say on Facebook...'oh why are you pissed off? What's happened since you left us last night? ]shock]'

Collision · 06/08/2011 16:14
Shock
pigletmania · 06/08/2011 16:16

Ooooh thats a good way to put it collision Grin

belledechocchipcookie · 06/08/2011 16:16

Your FB update should be 'pissed off that my guest sat in front of the TV all evening instead of joining us outside for a BBQ.'

pigletmania · 06/08/2011 16:16

Pissed off because you did not give in to her and her stupid demands

TidyDancer · 06/08/2011 16:23

Ooh Collision! That's a good idea! It could read as genuine concern as well! Excellent!

I know though, she's got no reason to be pissed off with me, she just doesn't like that she didn't get her own way. I don't care, really. I gave her nice food, looked after her DD and offered copious amounts of wine!

BBQ food was part vegetarian and part meat. We have quite a big BBQ so were able to do both on different levels of it. She ate plenty of food, but didn't really thank us for that either.

I wouldn't believe there were people like her if I wasn't related to her.

Fruit is still lined up btw. DS was thrilled when he woke up and saw it still there. Grin

OP posts:
empirestateofmind · 06/08/2011 16:23

Great thread. Well done Tidy and thanks for updating. You even predicted the sarcastic FB update .

TidyDancer · 06/08/2011 16:27

That wasn't as clever as it probably seems empire, she's prone to dramatic outbursts on there, I knew she wouldn't be able to resist this. She's even admitted she's done it in the past to see what kind of a reaction she will get from people. It's just so daft, what does she really think she'll achieve from it?!

OP posts:
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