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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to not pay for this takeaway meal?

352 replies

TidyDancer · 31/07/2011 10:20

Okay, quite prepared to be told IABU on this one, but I actually think I'm being reasonable on it.

My cousin has got annoyed that she is not invited round to my house much. She has come for lunch before, but when I see her, which admittedly is not really that frequently, I generally meet her in a park (which is about halfway between our houses) so that DS and her DD can play together. I will pack a picnic if the weather is nice. But my cousin wants to come for dinner now, and I've arranged it for Friday night.

I'm reluctant to have her here in the evening mainly because she is usually miserable and rude. She has never made much of an effort to get to know my DP and the evening will just be uncomfortable and a total bore. Fortunately, the children do actually play nicely together, so DS will have a buddy for the night! I am okay with the fact that she's coming round, but I am annoyed about her comments about the food.

DP is a brilliant cook and has offered to do something that would suit everyone, adult and child. This was my preference, as we are largely a vegetarian household (I am veggie, DP eats mainly a vegetarian diet, as does DS, DD just about to start weaning). We thought if the weather was nice, we could even do a barbecue and eat in the garden.

But my cousin has rejected this idea and wants to come round for a takeaway. She has made it clear that she expects DP and I to pay for her and for her DD. If we'd invited her round explicitely to have a takeaway, I might agree with her, but that's not it. Not only that, but her DD is a very fussy eater and will according to her mother, probably only have chips. If that's ever the case with DS, we will let him have chips, but they will be oven chips, and I will do them at home for him. He will eat with us and have them served at the same time, so he wouldn't know they weren't from the takeaway (not that he'd care). Aside from the fact that I am being expected to pay for the takeaway, I have now been told that it would be unfair for me to cook oven chips for my cousin's DD when we would be having a takeaway, so I should be ordering a portion of chips and a couple of things for her to try. Again, I am being expected to pay for all this.

This is in addition to the fact that she won't get a taxi home (she doesn't drive) so DP or I will have to drive her and her DD to their place, meaning one of us will not be able to have a drink with dinner. Not such a big deal, but it's bugging me with the other stuff.

AIBU to tell my cousin that if she wants to have a takeaway, she will be expected to make a contribution that covers her and her DD's share? And that unless she does, DP will make dinner?

OP posts:
auntmargaret · 05/08/2011 22:49

Good for you. Drinks all round

TidyDancer · 05/08/2011 22:50

I sometimes feel sorry for her too FAB, but I'm trying hard not to, because it's that that contributes majorly to what we put up with from her.

OP posts:
MadameLupino · 05/08/2011 22:50

Yay for DP. And yay for fruit lining Grin

Teachermumof3 · 05/08/2011 22:50

What a horrible woman!

Honestly though; what are her good traits, I've seen none!

breatheslowly · 05/08/2011 22:51

That's probably the last you'll see of her for a while. Perhaps you could arrange to take her DD out for a day every now and then so that she doesn't lose out on her mother' odd social skills (or lack of them).

TidyDancer · 05/08/2011 22:51

I do feel a bit liberated Curry! I served her a lovely dinner and she still behaved like that. I could do nothing else for her, gave her DD a lovely evening if nothing else. She can't legitimately moan about me, can she?

OP posts:
squeezemebakingpowder · 05/08/2011 22:51

Yay, you did good Tidy Grin
Loving the fact she asked for money and you said 'no'!
Her rudeness knows no bounds, however maybe your standing up to her has made her think.
(Although I very much doubt it)Sad

TidyDancer · 05/08/2011 22:53

I will let the dust settle from tonight and I will offer to take her DD out. I feel bad that she is the way she is, but this thread has done wonders for my way of viewing her. I need to be a little bit selfish here, for everyone's sakes.

OP posts:
LoveBeingAtHomeOnMyOwn · 05/08/2011 22:54

Well done op, how long do you think it will be before you get a call from someone in the family? Grin

TidyDancer · 05/08/2011 22:55

Oh I'm certain I'll be the bad guy, though hopefully she will actually see how nice we were to her if she actually does try to moan. I mean really, what's she going to say?

"Oh, Tidy's so horrible, she invited me round, picked me up, gave me a nice dinner and entertained my DD for a few hours, she's so mean to me."

She can't moan. She will sound like a spoiled brat.

OP posts:
TidyDancer · 05/08/2011 22:57

My guess is there will be a passive aggressive comment on Facebook before the night is up! The family might mention something over the next few days, but I do wonder if she'll even mention it to people who know both of us. If I'd cancelled on her, she would've moaned about that, I'm sure. I gave her a nice dinner, it's her fault if she chose not to enjoy the evening. Though she sat watching the soaps most of the time, so it's not like we disturbed her and forced her to join in the merriment.

DP played more on the trampoline than the DCs. Hmm Grin

OP posts:
scarletfingernail · 05/08/2011 22:59

No Tidy please don't feel sorry for her!

You've done her and her daughter a massive favour by not treating her like an overgrown child. I'm especially impressed you managed to stand your ground re the taxi fare. I just knew she was going to ask you for money.

Hopefully she's had such a terrible evening she won't invite herself again. It shouldn't mean you have to stop having her DD over though.

Enjoy the rest of your evening.

TheOriginalFAB · 05/08/2011 23:02

I am not getting the significance of the fruit being lined up in size order ConfusedGrin.

TidyDancer · 05/08/2011 23:02

Thanks scarlet! DD won't be back home until about midday and DS is a good sleeper, so I can have a little bit of a late one tonight! Enjoying the Wine I have to say!

OP posts:
TidyDancer · 05/08/2011 23:03

That was the point of it FAB, it has no meaning. Grin

I just wanted to create a random selection of snacks! It went from melon all the way down to peach.

OP posts:
TheOriginalFAB · 05/08/2011 23:08
Grin
pigletmania · 05/08/2011 23:14

We are proud Tidy what a rude woman! Don't invite her again, somehow I don't think that she would want to Grin. You need to stick up to her.

FannyFifer · 05/08/2011 23:15

For some reason the sheer randomness of the fruit selection is making me giggle. Grin

Summerbird73 · 05/08/2011 23:20

well done - and yes an uneventful evening however not so as you got your point across - loud and clear

brilliant!

auntmargaret · 05/08/2011 23:24

I have a cousin like this. We were hugely close as children ,til she mashed my heart out. We then ended up having dds of similiar ages. I always knew she was tbh trash, and I always knew that there was a chance that sometime, her DD would hurt my DD. I waited til the first seeds of that were sown, then I picked up DD and ran for the hills. DD still asks for her "cousin" but easy enough to distract her (she is 8). Dont regret it for a moment. Protect whats yours and show them the way. If she doesnt meet your standards, why on earth would she be good enough for your DC?

Curiousmama · 05/08/2011 23:28

Grin at fruit

Well done am ever so proud of you. God she's such a pain it's unreal!! Her poor dd. Just hope you can steal the dd away from her selfish clutches sometime soon?

pigletmania · 05/08/2011 23:30

Don't feel sorry for her, why!!!! For being such an ungrateful, rude, horrid woman. No you did good, hopefully this has helped you to be far more assertive in the future. You picked her up, you have her and her dd a lovely evening, good food and entertainment, what more could one want. I feel better that I was assertive to my sister who was rather like this.

QuintessentialShadow · 05/08/2011 23:30

But, did you offer pom-bears ??

I think I adore you. Grin

Bohica · 05/08/2011 23:31

I've just read the whole thread.
Well done Tidy You sound like a lovely person & I'm sure if children wern't involved you would ind the good grace to tell her to fuck off Grin

TidyDancer · 05/08/2011 23:36

Awww thanks, all of you!

She is a huge pain, but I don't think I did anything bad tonight. I made a stand and I think she probably knows that, even if she doesn't get why I did it. She won't pull her DD away over this. If I thought she would for even a moment, I wouldn't have done it. But other than the random food stuffs, I actually did nothing wrong. I went out of my way to pick her up tonight, did not ask her to pay for any food or drink and let her have a few hours peace while her DD played with DS. I would be grateful for that if someone offered it to me.

OP posts:
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