Can we talk about loneliness?

[Daydreaming]

This is not really a AIBU...

Just spotted an article that has really struck a chord with me, about loneliness:
www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2019545/The-loneliness-epidemic-Attractive-successful--years-EMILY-WHITE-felt-profoundly-Why-honest-problem-blights-lives.html

I am 30 something and for the last few years I have felt quite lonely. I am sure I am not the only one. Like the writer of that article, I too had short episodes of feeling a bit lonely in my teens and 20s, but nothing like this. I have a professional job and I think I am reasonably interesting/attractive, but circumstances are such that I spend a lot of time feeling lonely.

I know that some of it is to do with the fact that I am not from the UK originally, so don't have any old school/uni friends here. I have loving parents, but they are not in the UK. I am a lone parent to a small child (not by choice). My DD is a great source of joy to me, but she is not a substitute for adult company.

I have two single female friends that I sometimes do things with. I also have two married friends, that I made through DD, but they are more playdate/family activity friends, rather than someone I could call on the weekend. And that's it.

A couple of weeks ago I had a weekend all to myself, without DD, and I was quite happy to read, etc. but I wished there was someone who could just pop over to have a cut of tea with me, etc.

Anyone else who can relate to this?

I often chat though. And have lots of company at work and visitors at home. But even in a crowded room, I can feel very lonely. I miss having a best friend who I can call on. It's strange having lots of acquaintances but no really close friends nearby.

The Frogs - fair point. I do say in my big post that my loneliness is deep-rooted. But was trying to think of sthg positive, and am typing on my phone, so kept it simple and short!

Oh I know, I wasn't being an arse . I wish I could meet new people but there never seems to be a place I can. My main prob is that I cant drive so i'm really limited...and of course childcare too.

I think it is that simple supercal. You can get into a complete funk about it and not do anything to alleviate it. A lot of things are small steps imo.

Thank you, springydaffs

I actually do think that for some people - not me, as loneliness stems from childhood rather than circumstantial - it is that simple too. And for people like me, making active steps is positive from a psychological standpoint as at least you are in control, doing something towards changing the situation that makes you so unhappy. And acknowledging how we feel on this thread as we've done is such a positive step - such a relief.

Anyway, The Frogs, you've heard my suggestion in response to someone asking what we do about it, do you have a suggestion?

I've just read back a bit and seen MissBetsyTrotwood's post, which I must have missed the first time. I could have written that - only thing I would change is am in South rather than East London!

Loneliness is my friend

Is it, butterfly?? It's not mine! That would be like saying pain is my friend if I were in physical pain all day. Nope, I don't embrace it like a buddy. I fucking hate it but I bear it, do what I can to alleviate it, and wait for it to pass.

I am bumping/resurrecting this thread.
It's been really helpful reading all the posts. I too am lonely, mostly I think stemming from my childhood which was marked by periods of being very alone as I lived in a horribly strained atmosphere where my father completely dominated the household and we were all afraid of him. Being the youngest in a large family, I was alone with my parents for most of my teen years and I do remember an over-riding feeling of loneliness.

Fast forward 20+ years - I am living OS and while I have a handful of close friends, with whom I can have have differing levels of 'open' conversations, I am still plagued by loneliness though and envy the ease with which others seem to form and maintain friendships. Being a 'foreigner' here doesn't help as people automatically discriminate against you as not really 'getting' it as you are not native. I am a SAHM to 3 kids 9 and under. DH works hard and travels a lot so I'm a single parent a lot of the time. Sometimes I get bogged down by the fact that I am mostly the one to initiate conversations in the playground trying to find common ground with whomever I'm talking to. I get exhausted sometimes making an effort and even with my kids, I am the one to always initiate playdates and sometimes with no reciprocity. It's draining.

Like a lot of posters on here, I feel I'm pretty 'normal' so I'm left wondering a lot of the time why it's so damn hard to integrate.

Thanks for bumping this Ispy. Comforting in a way to know I'm not alone in feeling like this. DP and I move around a lot (every 5-18 months) so don't really have much time to make lasting friendships. As a result we have a lot of people we are friendly with but not many we could call if in trouble. We both live far from our childhood homes and parents too so only really have each other. Luckily we get on very well but it can still be a struggle. For instance; I struggle to work day to day with other people now because I'm always wondering where we'll be moving to next, if I'll be in that job long, etc. Now I actually work from home. Lonelier but a lot easier. Now that we're pregnant DP and I are hoping to move closer to family - fingers crossed!

Rev084, are you there? I am also a former northener now living in Chelmsford as of this Summer, with an 11 month old. Wouldn't say I am as lonely as I have been, as I think I am using the fact that I don't know anything of where the heck I am as a bit of an excuse for not mingling!! But give it a couple of years and I might well think it's my fault, which of course it would be. Do you fancy going for a coffee one day? Am away early October but then around, depending on when you find this.