When I was born, my parents were with the 'Children of God', a pseudo-religious sect (nowadays known as 'The Family') which condoned, even encouraged violence for disciplining children (says my mother) (and other very unsavoury behaviour towards children too, but that's another story). They left the sect (thank goodness for that) when I was 6 months, DSis was 2 years old. My mum says she is today still worried if the smacking DSis got when very little contributed to the mental health trouble she is having now.
So my personal experience of physical discipline is the other way round from escalating - it was what my parents knew, but it got gradually less until it disappeared totally.
I have very vague memories of having bottom spankings, initially with a belt, later just hands. I must have been about 4yo as that's when my earliest memories are from. What I remember is never having given a thought about it, until it was 'right, that was really bad, off for a spanking' and then being terrified until it was done, then being relieved as it was all ok again and hadn't actually been so bad.
A bit later, I seem to remember an incidence (there surely were more than one, but one I remember) when my mum said something along the lines of 'don't do that' and when I still went ahead 'that's really bad, if you don't stop it will merit a spanking' which convinced me it was REALLY bad, so I stopped.
Again a bit later, my parents would count to three and give us a slap in the face if we hadn't stopped whatever it was by three. I only ever remember being slapped once, actually. Then it was a case of when mum started to count to three, I knew she really meant it, whatever she was saying; so I stopped. Not really because I was afraid of the slap, but more because I knew she was very serious about whatever it was.
This 'counting to three' thing stopped too, when I was about 8 or so? No more physical disciplining, nor threats of it, since then.
You could say in this instance the physical disciplining 'worked'. It showed me when something was off limits; I didn't do it again; and yet, I never lived in fear of violence, as I never, ever got smacked out of the blue, and knew I wasn't going to be. It didn't escalate and get worse, either.
I can see a sort of positive thing here: The threat of violence helped me, as a child, to distinguish between something where there was space for misbehaving and negotiating and options, and something where there was not. However, I do believe that there are other ways to achieve this, without resorting to physical disciplining (or the threat of). I intend to avoid any physical disciplining with my own DS. Though it is easy to say now (he's 11m, - and already I'm finding it hard to deal with when the only way to change his nappy/get him dressed and such involves physically restraining him (he's so strong!) against loud protests and much wriggling. I'd prefer not to physically restrain him but don't see any other way at the moment.)
One thing that strikes me in these threads is often how people compare treating children with treating adults. Like, you can't/wouldn't smack an adult, so why should you be allowed to smack a child. I agree insofar as I wouldn't smack a child either. But I think the reasoning is a bit wrong. I think we can't expect children to think and behave like adults. Ergo, sometimes we need to 'be the adult' and treat them like children, which can be different to treating them like adults; set boundaries/tell children what to do, without 'convincing' them, reasoning with them. Sometimes 'because I say so' needs to be enough. Respecting a child, I think, means to respect the fact that they cannot make independent decisions about everything, but rather want to be just a child sometimes too; trusting you to keep them safe, means trusting you to save them from themselves sometimes.
Of course you would disagree with a husband treating his wife like that (telling her to do something 'because I say so' for instance). Why would you disagree? Because it would mean he is treating her like a child. But children do need to be treated like children sometimes. They shouldn't be made to bear responsibility for every thing they do; they shouldn't be required to keep themselves safe.
I just hope I will find a way of letting my child know when there is a boundary that is not to be crossed (like for instance, no running out onto the road) vs. when there is room for whims and negotiations, in a healthy, constructive way without resorting to physical violence or the threat of it.