To be very sad and angry when I see a child getting smacked

[ohnoudidnt]

Was shopping today and have never seen a child get hit so hard ...he was about 3 ...It really upset me.I do not agree with hurting a child in any way and wish it could be banned.

ohnoudidn't... As I said in a previous post, I've been smacked maybe five times in my whole life. The school was strict though - 1980-85 - Catholic. There was one teacher there who was absolutely hated and not respected by the pupils. He used to call boys in and cane them for no reason. I can absolutely understand the point about 'respect' in that instance because the punishment was unjust.

I think that children in school don't treat teachers or themselves or each other with respect. Rights for children doesn't mean that they can - or should - be allowed to run amok. But they do, a large percentage of them anyway.

If I saw a child being smacked I'd call the police. No need for violence towards a child and I wouldn't stand by and allow it.

yanbu, i hate to see people smacking.

i also feel this way about shouting, i find it abusive for parents to shout at their children. esp the way some do, right into their faces etc
and i do not think teachers should be allowed to shout at children

don't agree with shouting or smacking

Night Jo :) Probably a bit late to post for sensible suggestions now anyway, everyone will be too drunk tired Best time to get replies is during the day, avoiding school run times.

Honestly I sometimes think a little tap, which I haven't done, is far less painful for parent and child than endless NO.

Would you really Fabbychic?

It is illegal to smack a child under 3 in Scotland.

I was 'smacked' when I was a child.

At age 6 I was hit round the head with a hairbrush when I was fidgeting having my hair tied up.

At age 8 I had my trousers and underwear pulled down in front of family and had my arse slapped for answering back.

At age 11 I had my face slapped for hurting my sister. It was so hard that it left a swollen hand print.

At age 15 I was pushed into a wall by my throat for defending my younger sisters.

At age 16 I watched my dad and sister head to head arguing and she told him his breath stank and he head-butted her.

My mum threw a dinner plate at my sisters head once. I watched my mum grab my sister by her hair and push her face into the floor.

My sister was hit so hard around her head that her earring got lodged into her ear.

It might sound extreme, but things can escalate quickly. There is a very fine line between discipline and abuse and it is easy for those lines to get blurred.
At one point the police were called by neighbours and the police did precisely jack shit. We ended up having a meeting with family mediation. They denied they were violent. End of meeting.

They hit us because they were angry, because they were frustrated or because they just didn't know what else to do. It started as a slap on the bum as toddlers and the force and frequency increased as they lost control, as we got older. I don't consider that we had an abusive childhood,we were loved and I honestly believe my parents did what they thought was best, but it was certainly filled with bullying and violence. I was scared of them until I realised the worst they could do was whack me. I toughened up.

Even now, (we have an ok relationship) but they laugh when I suggest they were violent. They insist that we were mouthy teenagers and they just 'smacked' us. They used to say, "wait 'til you have kids and you'll understand."

I have 4 kids and I've never felt the need to use physical or verbal abuse to convince them to behave in an acceptable way. I would not assault my DH or any other adult or child, so I treat my DC with the same respect.

Ooops, sorry for the essay.

i see nothing wrong with chastising a child in the right circumstances.
i was smacked plenty as a child when i was naughty, its normal and how kids learn not to do dangerous or out of order things, usually after they've been told several times .

One of the reasons so many kids run riot today and can't behave, especially in public, is that they haven't been smacked or disciplined enough by their parents.

A good "clatter" never did any harm.

Theinet you say you were smacked plenty as a child surely that is telling you that it wasn?t the right punishment as it didn?t work did it?

Happy2 that sounds awful. :(

happy2bhomely thats vile, my mother often said, 'the odd slap did you know harm' well actually the psychological damage is there. Your litany of abuses is horrific though. I'm sorry for you

i also had my pants pulled down and my bare bottom smacked in public. i soon learnt to behave.

theinet I think you must be joking/sarcastic? What a vicious and vile thing to do to a child I'm so sorry for you. Talk about taking away their dignity. How far away from public lashing is that? People always complain(and very rightly so) about public lashings in some countries for things like adultery, what about kids who suffer the same for what? A lot of the time nothing, just the anger and frustraion of a bully parent or else for being naughty.

The pants down thing - i was 15 the last time My dad did that to me, I was mortified because I was on my period too, I think he shocked himself that day!

When I was taking to partner about it (even though we dont actually have kids yet!) I get quite annoyed if he cant see my way of thinking, Im hoping we will have sorted it by time we get there or its going to me messy!
I informed him calmly that i didnt agree with smacking and IF i ever saw him or had reason to think he had lifted his hand to me or our children he would need to sleep with one eye open for the rest of his days! :) think i have him onboard.

Do you know what.......it wasn't awful.....it was normal. I never considered that it wasn't until I started college. We were well fed, had a nice home, my parents worked, they were fun and kind and taught us manners. We were generally very well behaved and home was generally happy, but when they got mad-they were bloody scary. I remember my little sister was caught bunking off school and my mum spoke to the school so calmly, and then put down the phone and hit my sister so hard and called her a "cunting cunt."

I honestly don't know what they found so hard. Maybe my kids are unusual, they can be naughty, but I can stop them in their tracks with a look! Sometimes they need a time out, or a treat is taken away but I don't need to scare them. I don't want to scare them. I want them to trust that I will always protect them and I will never abuse their trust. Never.

theinet I disagree. I think a good clatter does do harm. What are you teaching a child by hurting and humiliating it?

Surely as a parent (and forgive me if Im being precious because i dont have a child yet altho very close to nieces and nephews) your role and RESPONSIBILITY is to protect that child, to love, nurture and TEACH the child right from wrong.

I remember my mum screaming at me wait til your father gets home, I used to sit and wait upstairs praying he would be killed in a car crash on the way home!!!! I love my dad and I loved him then but i knew he would come in tired, mum would get on his case and he would give me a backhander for essentially being a child, for fking up and being cheeky. I loved my dad but right there and then that fear made me think like that!

My dad couldnt hold his temper and if i was getting a smack he used to hurt me or frighten me so id flail my arms and fight back resulting in a even harder smack, to the point where it was beyond what it should be.

I was by no means a "battered child" i was a cheeky madam who needed bringing down a peg or two and I have a fantastic relationship with my dad but I was a child, and he was the adult. He should have had more control to deal wit the situation and punish me in a more effective way.

MY punishment was never a punishment because as soon as it was over, i knew he would want to be my friend again and that he would be sorry, so in essence i ended up with the upperhand if you like because then he was the one wrong and sorry.

And that was a simple clatter... a back hander when i got too big for my boots.

Signet2012 :( My dad smacked me on the bottom when I was 15 or 16, this was in the 90s so not really that much in the past. I was stunned at the time, because I hadn't even done anything wrong (I was often smacked if they didn't know whether it was me or my brother who had done something, and it was usually my bro. Hitting me made them feel better about having to hit him).

Even now I feel sickened by that incident in particular, but all of it really, and I cringe when he tries to hug me or be 'physical' because he still hurts me - he's a big guy.

But oh my god your story is so much worse :(

I used to get the "wait til your father gets home" as well, even after being already disciplined by mother. It's a terrible, fearful way to live, and I was even scared when my brother had been naughty because I knew I'd end up getting blamed and hit.

Yanbu. I personally could not find any justification for hitting my child, no matter how naughty they had been. The thought of teaching them a lesson by physically hurting them just doesn't weigh up for me. There are far better forms of punishment that doesn't involve me losing it

Maybe it was easier for me because I was a teacher before I had children.
I didn't hit, swear at or yell at the children I taught, so when I had children, I didn't do those things to them either.
They are late teens now, I still don't hit or swear at them, although I do raise my voice. They do not hit or swear at me.
I was a child of the 60s, hitting with hands and implements was the standard way of controlling and disciplining your child. slippers and shoes, hairbrushes, Dr Scholl footwear were all routinely used on me and my siblings.
Not swearing though, that was seen as common.

How can people justify hitting a child? It's a total abuse of power. And it doesn't work. There have been numerous studies done that show it doesn't work. Otherwise no-one would need to smack again would they! And what is it teaching a child? That it's ok to hit someone smaller than you if they are not doing what you want? It's how playground bullies are made. Anecdotes don't wash either 'i was smacked and it did me no harm'. Well it did if you are now going to hit your own kids! You only have to read the responses from the poor posters on this thread who were smacked/abused, total confusion, still saying they 'have a fantastic relationship' with their parents, 'but...' - it's an oxymoron, the people who are meant to love and accept you are physically hurting you. Talk about damaging self esteem and giving a warped view of 'love'. Ok, the odd smack when the parent is at the end of their tether and later spologises to the child and regrets it - not ideal, but not likely to cause lasting psychological damage. But when parents choose to hit their kids, there's something wrong.

I was 'smacked' as a child. It terrified me and I absolutely hated my father because of it. Our relationship is good now, but as a small child I hated him more than anything in the world. I can't remember what I was hit about, but I clearly remember the fear and the pain.

I hope I never, ever hurt my child like that. The word 'smacking' is misleading, as is 'tapping'. It's physical violence, full stop.

My father never hit us, it was always my mother.

It really does sicken me, that there are people on this thread who are trying to justify smacking. Those of you who are doing that, are clearly just trying to justify it to yourselves. As somebody just said, there is no dressing it up, it is physical violence, you are putting your hands on your child with the intention of hurting them enough that they would be scared of misbehaving again. How can you not see that it's wrong? There are plenty of beautifully behaved children who aren't smacked. Your child will grow up in fear of you hurting them, how is that ok? Poor children. No, I wouldn't hesitate in calling the police/social services if I saw a child being hit.