DS wants to sleep with his girlfriend

[Fairenuff]

DS is 12 and has had the same girlfriend for 3 years (also 12yo). They were friends before they became 'an item'.

The thing is, they have always had sleepovers at each others houses, where they share a room. Last time they slept here was about 3 months ago. She had a separate bed in his room, as usual, but when I checked on them, they were in the same bed with their arms around each other.

I have spoken to DS about it and told him they can't share a bed, but now I'm thinking that actually, they should not have sleepovers because I can't 'police' them all night.

I know they are very young, they have both said they're not going to 'do anything' but they do kiss on the lips and say they love each other. DS's girlfriend has told me that he 'dared' her to 'snog' him

AIBU to say 'no' to sleepovers?

Thank you Maryz for being 'the voice of reason' and those others who have offered constructive advice/opinions.

I have ignored the 'bad mother'/'social services' comments because I do believe that's a load of nonsense from a few people who can't be bothered to read the posts properly, or think for themselves.

I will speak to the girl's parents again to make sure they fully understand how this relationship is developing. I have already told them DS won't be sleeping at theirs, but will ask that they supervise the rest of the time more than they might have thought necessary before.

The biggest confusion has been half of the critics screaming

let them be kids ffs

The other half yelling at me

*make sure he knows how to put a condom on"

and

don't make them think they are expected to have sex

or

you HAVE to talk to them about sex or you will have a baby in 12 months

Lots and lots of extreme and different opinions

OTOH lots of useful advice and support, so thank you.

piglet

You just proved my point above

pigletmania I totally agree, op is enabling this developing/changing relationship. Sounds like an urban "Blue Lagoon" Problem is, babies come from this. Not rocket science to come to that conclusion, only a matter of time.

Driftwood

How am I enabling it. Care to elaboborate?

Yes I do care enough to elaborate. At 12 years of age, children go into a phase called puberty. It is incumbent on adults to provide guidence,supervision. This is universal world wide, but sadly lacking in the western culture.

OP, are you intimitated by your children?

Driftwood

Come back when you're read the thread.

OP, YANBU to say no to sleepovers. For many of the above reasons, but surely you knew that?

Driftwood

Fairenuff Tue 26-Jul-11 15:48:34
Filibear

TBH you really dont need to ask if you should put a stop to this, I think you know the answer at their age it is not appropriate

Yes, the reason I ask AIBU is because when I say the sleepovers have to stop, I don't just mean at our house.

This means that DS cannot go to any house for a party (as in the upcoming tent sleepover party) unless I can be sure it's single a single sex party.

DS thinks I AM being unreasonable, but that's OK, I would expect him to say that as he has no ulterior motives, no sexual intentions, etc. he just wants to share in the fun with his friends.

However, I was hoping for other MNers who have been in this or a similar position to give me their unbiased answers, hence AIBU.

Maryz "You ask, "Would you like to give an exact time (to the day) at which we should decide our children are no longer children but adults who are looking for opportunities to have sex?"

How about when you find them asleep, in the same bed with their arms around each other? tbh, there is nothing more natural in the world than this. However, I do suspect that you have aspirations for your children, beyond what nature intends? Good luck.

By the way Maryz I do feel you over use the Smileys, or is it just for me?

Maryz year 8 (11-12 year old. Comparing this situation is totally different to a 5, or 8 year old having a sleepover. We are talking about adolescents, not young kids.

Yes 4madboys I have read the thread, now they are getting older and engaing in sexual behaviour, there is noway I would allow this under my roof.

Driftwood

I get what you mean. I understand that we are now in agreement on this issue, I think? But what you actually write doesn't always make sense.

^"Would you like to give an exact time (to the day) at which we should decide our children are no longer children but adults who are looking for opportunities to have sex?"

How about when you find them asleep, in the same bed with their arms around each other?^

What, if they are 5 years old? Or 7? Maybe 9? 11?

As you say, it is the most natural thing in the world. Maryz was making the point that you cannot pinpoint when they stop being children and start being adult sexual beings. It's a gradual process and when parents observe it starting to happen, they need to act accordingly. Which is what I have done.

The smileys etc. have nothing to do with it btw

There's always an excuse!

piglet Good. Then we are in agreement yes?

Driftwood an excuse for what?

You found them in bed together, you said they kiss on the lips, then next they will probably like to have sex like a lot of teenagers. Yes it is possible for 12 year olds to have kids, I have read of a few in the horror DM. Britain's youngest mum/dad etc. So yes I would definitely put a stop to these sleepovers before they become sleep withs

And the fact you said that they have been boyfriend/girlfriend since 9 years, I would definitely have not allowed any sleepovers at all!

Fairenuff For the explanation that Maryz gave.

My goodness it does not feel that long ago that I was in your children's position, and wanting to go out with boys, all 22 years ago. Doesen't feel like that long though