DS wants to sleep with his girlfriend

[Fairenuff]

DS is 12 and has had the same girlfriend for 3 years (also 12yo). They were friends before they became 'an item'.

The thing is, they have always had sleepovers at each others houses, where they share a room. Last time they slept here was about 3 months ago. She had a separate bed in his room, as usual, but when I checked on them, they were in the same bed with their arms around each other.

I have spoken to DS about it and told him they can't share a bed, but now I'm thinking that actually, they should not have sleepovers because I can't 'police' them all night.

I know they are very young, they have both said they're not going to 'do anything' but they do kiss on the lips and say they love each other. DS's girlfriend has told me that he 'dared' her to 'snog' him

AIBU to say 'no' to sleepovers?

I am completely shocked that your children know about sex at such a young age!

Again, thank God schools DO cover sex ed!

Valium my thoughts exactly! I'm 33 and remember doing basic sex ed in the last year of junior school, it covered periods, how thebody changes through puberty and basic how baby's are made, we then had more sex ed at 12 and 14

DH lost his virginity aged 12 - to his 15 year old babysitter. :(

Personally I don't even like the 'innocent' pairing up as couples in the under tens, never mind in those dc going through puberty.

I'd rather do what I can to avoide the situation arising. And same sex sleep overs would be a definite no no.

Fairenuff-come on...there's a big difference between the love a child has for its parents and two kids saying they're 'in love'.....

I'm not saying that I think they are in love. You actually brought that suggestion into this. They say 'love you' like you would say to a grandparent, or aunt.

Nevertheless, they are capable of feeling love - strong affection for another important person in their life.

Kids can love their pets. May not mean the same to you but it still a very powerful and genuine emotion.

YANBU to say no to sleepovers, whether they are in love or not. Personally i think sleepovers at this age whether they are boyfriend, girlfriend or just friends is a bad idea.

when i said - 'I am completely shocked that your children know about sex at such a young age!'... I meant 9years old, not 12years old.

lolli

I found this from a quick google. Plenty of information out there if you would like to look for yourself.

Where reproduction is taught as part of the Science curriculum in England, children will be expected to understand the following areas:

5-7 years old
how animals and humans reproduce, and how their offspring grow into adults
how to recognize external parts of both the male and female human body
how to recognise similarities and differences, and to treat others with sensitivity

7-11 years old
learning about the growth and reproduction processes common to humans and other animals
stages of the human life cycle

11-14 years old
learning how the fusion of a male and a female cell causes fertilisation
the physical and emotional changes that take place during puberty
the menstrual cycle and how it relates to human reproduction
how a foetus develops in the uterus

14-16 years old
how hormonal control occurs, and how sex hormones affect the body
how hormones are used medically, including both how they control and aid fertility.
how sex is determined in humans

lolli I know you did - at 9 they should be WELL aware of the facts of life. AT what age do you think it's appropriate?

exactly vallium! i would be worried by a 9 yr old that didnt know the facts tbh, she could be starting her periods anytime!

and they WILL hear about it in the playground, better that an adult talks to them honeslty and openly before then!

It still needs to be talked about at home, though, because children don't always 'take in' everything they are being told. My friends DS had sex ed in year 7 (but it was about 10 years ago now). All the parents were informed in advance and he came home with a letter advising what had been covered. His Mum said to him 'Do you have any questions you'd like to ask me?' and he said, 'Well, there is one thing I'm not sure about. What's puberty?'

So a lot of that had gone 'over his head' and she needed to talk it through with him a lot more over the following years.

This is going to be on the Wright Stuff tmw btw.

Lazy buggers have been poaching off here again it seems.

really?!! i guess thats what happens if you post on the internet, but i really think its a bit cheeky of them have they even sent a message to the op to let her know?

and you can just imagine how they will spin it out

No they haven't.

But how do you know it's on, could just be a rumour.

fairenuff they wouldnt be sharing a bed with your grandparent or aunt though would they? So I really don't get that the "I love you" is that innocent. Sorry but I think you are being very naive. When I saw the title I thought your would have been at least 15 but omg 12!! I promised my parents that I would not sleep with my boyfriend when I was 15 but I did (and yes looking back it was way too young) Just because he is telling you he won't have sex doesn't mean he won't. Girls have become pregnant at that age. What in gods name are you or her parents doing in letting them share a bedroom?

Whorulestheroost

So, you agree with me then? I am not being unreasonable?

I think ALL posters have answered YANBU. Although some have said it would be OK in groups, but I'm not convinced of that yet.

Some have misread the posts, or taken other posts as MY opinion and there have been a lot of knee-jerk reactions but if you read what I wrote I think you will agree.

Remember I am talking about ALL mixed sex sleepovers, my house, friends houses, parties, camping etc.

whorulestheroost...good to see you have read the whole thread very carefully

It is, not that I have The Wright Stuff on my bookface or nuffin

at Apocalypse

Well, good. It is something that needs to be discussed at some point if you've got kids in a similar position.

btw the 'love you' is a jaunty little end of conversation on the telephone. I say it all time time to friends and family. I even said it to the plumber once by mistake

It is not the I love you dying declaration some might be thinking of

Ah, I think I am the only naive innocent fool who thinks they sound quite sweet and I would probably even still allow sleepovers - but in separate rooms.

I would give them both "the talk" and keep an eye on it but all this talk of a baby appearing next year and calling SS is a bit loopy I reckon.

Some 12 year olds have sex. Most don't!

Blimy I would have never allowed the sleepovers in the first place, you are enabling this. You should stop it now!!!! Yes 12 year olds are capable of having sex, some are very well developed. i used to work as a TA in a school, and some year 8 boys were 6ft tall and looked like 20 year old men, I say that these were physcially able to have sex.

piglet have you read the WHOLE thread, they have been having sleep overs since age 5!! they are friends!!