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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to hate people using family/school/university connections to get things others can't

163 replies

moikla · 20/07/2011 17:20

My sister has got my brother an internship with her for the next few weeks as he's on holiday from university. I know its my brother but I hate this sort of thing and this type of priveledge. DH says its the way of the world and that you need to take advantage of whatever connections you've got.

OP posts:
StrandedBear · 20/07/2011 17:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ajandjjmum · 20/07/2011 17:22

So you wouldn't help one of your family if you were able?

lawnimp · 20/07/2011 17:23

the whole world is run that way, it's unfair but true

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 20/07/2011 17:23

YABU - its not what you know it's who you know.....and why not!!! If your sis cant help your bro then its a bit shit isnt it!

Original poster
moikla · 20/07/2011 17:25

I know its the way it works but it just seems wrong and unfair

OP posts:
coccyx · 20/07/2011 17:25

You are being ridiculous. happens all the time, my sister gets mates rates from her friend the electrician, good for her i say

piloi · 20/07/2011 17:28

Who cares if its fair? She can help him and she is choosing to, fairness is irrelevant

motherinferior · 20/07/2011 17:28

YANBU.

motherinferior · 20/07/2011 17:31

I am appalled by 'who cares if it's fair'.

Pulling strings for family members...well, yes, it happens in lots of societies and cultures but frankly this is why things like open applications and equal opportunities policies exist. So that people who don't have family connections get a chance too.

Original poster
moikla · 20/07/2011 17:39

motherinferior- That where I'm coming from

OP posts:
VirtualWitch · 20/07/2011 17:44

YANBU. Its a bit archaic to run things like this, rather than on merit. As a country, we want the best people in the best jobs, not the best connected. Look at Rebekkah Brookes...

udupper · 20/07/2011 17:44

YABU, why shouldn't she help her family that what familys do.

Andrewofgg · 20/07/2011 17:45

Do you want to abolish inheritance too?

MillyR · 20/07/2011 17:52

It depends on how serious the impact is on other people. Is it the case that this is now a serious issue within medicine, so that medical students without connections can't get the experience they need in order to complete their training and get jobs? That seems unjust. If it is the case, I would advise DS not to pursue medicine as a career.

likale · 20/07/2011 17:53

YABU you should use what you've got to get on in life. He's using his sister to get him something that will advantage him over others in the employment market when he graduates. Well done him I say

MsPlaced · 20/07/2011 17:53

It's human nature, we are programmed to care for and fight for our family above those we are unrelated to. You aren't going to change that stamping your feet and whining "s'not fair!".

Thats life, thats people.

wordfactory · 20/07/2011 17:57

It is perfectly possible to be successful without any connections. DH and I have both doen in it in a number of sectors that are supposedly impossible to break into. Difficult yes. Impossible no.

That said, I don't really see a problem with using connections if you have them. Usually all this will give you is an introduction. You still have to be good at what you do. Or helping you has to in some way advantage the favour giver.

For example, writers ask me all the time to introduce them to my agent. This I will happily do if they seem a nice enough sort. But their work will still have to be saleable for them to be taken on. If it's not, they won't be, no matter who made the introduction.

pjani · 20/07/2011 18:04

It's this kind of thing that entrenches inequality. So YANBU!

But I hang my head due to blatant hypocrisy - I have got tens of jobs on my own, and wouldn't think of myself as 'well connected' really, but got two through my brother (one was my first job - scoring football on Saturday mornings - wage included a pie and coke) and one aided by my mum who sent my cv out to her colleagues.

That one in particular I couldn't have got without my experience and degrees but would never have known about without her. It was a step up in terms of pay and responsibility as well. Guilty!

MillyR · 20/07/2011 18:06

It is human nature, which is why there should be checks within the system, so there are things like a highly sought after internship, people are not given that position based on nepotism.

inappa · 20/07/2011 18:08

Which sector is it in OP?

Itsjustafleshwound · 20/07/2011 18:09

I suppose the issue for me is not so much that the places are 'unfairly' obtained, but some sort of acknowledgement that they are 'lucky' and use the opportunity to the full...

YANBU but unfortunately it is just the way.

Original poster
moikla · 20/07/2011 18:11

Inappa- She's some sort of currency trader

OP posts:
valiumredhead · 20/07/2011 18:17

It's how the world works!

Hulababy · 20/07/2011 18:19

You may not like it but it is the way things are. Always has been and always will be. Life isn't fair and equal.

Would you honestly not make any advantage of any connections you had if you could?

WorkingItOutAsIGo · 20/07/2011 18:23

Our company chauffeur's father was the previous company chauffeur. It happens in all strata of society.

But we are busy ensuring we have open and equal opportunities for all now. Its the only way to win the war for talent.

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