to hate people using family/school/university connections to get things others can't

[moikla]

My sister has got my brother an internship with her for the next few weeks as he's on holiday from university. I know its my brother but I hate this sort of thing and this type of priveledge. DH says its the way of the world and that you need to take advantage of whatever connections you've got.

It's wrong, unfair and shouldn't happen. But it does. Could you honestly say you'd turn something amazing down, because the manner in which it was offered was unfairly biased towards you?

I don't think being introduced to someone by a contact where the contact thinks you and the party you are introduced to will (potentially) both benefit from it.

Also telling someone you know about a position opening up where you work whether that is unpaid/paid or temporary/permanent is also fine.

Hiring a person you know without an open process, however, to my mind crosses a line where contacts become a toxic thing for society at large.

I don't think you can stop the former but you can stop the latter using employment law, though I think unpaid internships which the OP referred to are exempt. Correct me if I'm wrong.

I don't know one person in RL this has happened too- each has worked hard and gained on their own merit.

Of course you get people like children of famous people who get opportunities that they dont actualy seem qualified or talented enough for but those are exceptions.

You begrudge your sister getting your brother an internship which may help him get on in life? Who needs enemies if they've got family like you OP.

Wow, you're weird. It's your brother. And your sister. Why don't you want your family to do well and get ahead? We're genetically programmed to implement the survival of our own gene pool... it's Darwinism. Would you hold your own children back in the name of some doctrine of fairness, or deny them advantages? I doubt it, we are designed to FIGHT for our offspring to survive and be the best. If the way to do that in this world today is to get them internships at fancy pants firms, then I bet almost any parent would do it. Same for siblings. You should be happy for him. I'm thinking there is some other jealousy issue at work here....

Also am not sure what the internship is but surely your brother must have proven himself worthy of it in someway -so it's not just luck.

I would be surprised if someone would take someone on who would jepordise their professional repuatation or credit in any way, no matter what the connection.

YABU, jealous much?
Unfortunately that's the way things are.

onmythirdglass- I agree I wonder if the OP is worried that her sister has a got a good job (by the sounds of it) and her brother may get a good job leaving her behind.

This is why people pay large sums of money to have their children educated at public schools - for the connections they will make.

YANBU

YANBU

Who got your sister HER job? Did she get it off her own merit, and is now trying to help a family member, get on the career ladder? You do sound very jealous.

And supposing in the future, your own child gets offered an opportunity from an aunt or uncle.. will you say they are not allowed to take advantage of it?

YABU.

YABU you should use what you've got, he's got a sister who can get him an internship in a swanky sounding firm, only a fool would turn that down.

YABU and you sound very jealous. She helped her brother out, good on her most families look out for and help each other where they can.

I don't think it's unfair to extend an opportunity to get a foot in the door, providing that the person recieving the opportunity has potential; it means that any job offer that comes to your brother would be based on his own merit in the position.
Far more unfair are laws that allow incompetent people to stay in positions that could be given to people who could actually do the job.

So you'll be absolutely fine when your own kids are applying for jobs - jobs for which they are fully qualified and they just need that one foot on the ladder - and the chair of trustees' lad nips in ahead of them?

You'll be fine at knowing that if you yourself go for a job, it's already ringfenced for the person who got an internship at their last job because their uncle worked there?

You won't mind if your own family earnings remain substantially below the earnings of the family next door, because they've got posh family and you haven't?

YANBU

It's life. No, it's not really fair, but it happens at all levels. If your sister were a hairdresser and your brother had wanted work experience I'm sure she would have had a word and gotten him a few Saturdays sweeping. The future financial benefits of the favour rise exponentially as you go up the pay scale. If you go to a school with very high fees then the other children's parents are likely to be very high earners and offer very high value favours when it comes to work experience. Which is why DH currently has the Chairman's son's best friend traipsing around his office. And to do the Chaiman a favour, the head of legal has offered the boy 2 weeks work experience at his wife's office.

What MI says. I had an interview for a job once and was told by a mate in HR who was going to get it - the person who had been the hiring manager's previous assistant. I had a better CV, and more experience (and was a higher grade - the assistant was going on promotion), but didn't get the job.

YABU. They've still got to prove themselves worthy etc. My very first professional acting job was through a friends recommendation, wouldn't have got the part otherwise. It was a foot in the door but if I hadn't have been any good then sure as hell the director would have kicked my ass out of the door.

My cousin is on the board of governors for a very fine school. She is in the process of getting my ds a place. I certainly won't be turning that down any time soon. And if I can return a favour in the future, I'll not hesitate.

And don't get me started on the recruitment practices of international organisations (who don't seem to be answerable to any law).

No entrance exam for the school, then, shakey? Or is that fixed by your cousin too?

So what you're saying, broadly, is that it's OK as long as the person who gets the favour is broadly up to the job?

Rather than someone who might be really, really good at the job but isn't in with the right people?

Open recruitment and equal opps policies are not solely for the benefit of the applicant, you know. They're for the benefit of the organisation. There may be an ideal, fabulous candidate out there, but because her parents are poor immigrants and she's never mixed with the Right Sort, even her first-class degree, her energy and her innovative thinking will go unnoticed. To the company's detriment.

YABU - helping out your friends and family is natural and happens in all walks of life. It is natural to use any advantage you have in life. It is also natural and admirable to help people you care about.

Not for his age group MrsS

Nobody's saying how they feel if they're the ones being overlooked...