To think this type of helicoptering is OTT at kids parties?

[minxofmancunia]

I'm prepared to be flamed about this, I know a lot of parents like to hyper supervise every single calorie and morsel that passes their childs lips otherwise....oh i don't know hell might freeze over or something but surely you can back off at a party??

One of the reasons I send dh with dd to parties rather than go myself is because I find the anxious, hectic, hyper controlling helicoptering of other parents too much to bear esp at the mealtime. So what of they just eat a handful of doritos 3 breadsticks and a piece of cake? It's ONE MEAL. It's a PARTY.

Dh went to a party at a play centre recently, one that's renowed for having healthy good food, carrot sticks proper baker chips, pitta bread, hummus etc. It was for a 5 year old. every parent bar him stood "OVER" their child monitoring and co-ercing every, single, mouthful and flapping if they didn't take adequate intake of grapes/veg etc. Above anything else i actually think it's embarrassing. get a grip people.

At my dds 5th party I'll be asking that they're left. No staying and special GENUINE dietry requirements aside I ain't monitoring them all at food time.

AIBU, I'm I a terrible mummy, benign neglectful harridan?

Oh and BTW I work in child health and am fully aware of opinions amongst my colleagues and myself who think that this kind of parenting can actually contribute to food issues in adolescence which i believe to be true.

I always take that sugar icing off my own cake. Yucky stuff. Cream cheese frosting though......mmmmmmmm :)

altinkum - I've already said, I would generally let them go to the home of aquaintences (- depending on situation/whether they were known to other friends etc). But lots of DC's classmates attend after school care, and I pick DC up at end of school, so I have never spoken to many of the parents. This is DD's first year of school.

I'm amazed that the parents were even at the party - maybe it is because DD is the youngest child (as is most of her friends) but even at 4, most of the parents now do a runner as soon as they get there. I think a lot of parents round here would consider even staying at the party of a 5 year old (given it's summer, so most reception children will be 5 going on 6 now) helicopter parenting!

I think it all depends on your area really. I live in an area where a very large amount of the families are under SS supervision. I would want to suss this out first as I work in this sector and know what goes on.

altinkum - you must have a better school community vibe than we do. About half of DD's classmates parents I wouldn't rknow if I saw them, although I do know the kids themselves from helping in the class.

Those who insist on close control are going to have to let go eventually. At secondary school they will get invited to all sorts of things and you will not even have the parent as an aquaintance.

altinkum, no, shes 7 :)

fair enough exotic, but thats not a great arguement. At secondary school they'll be 11 or 12+, not 6 or 7 or 8. Thats like saying saying we should let 10 year olds drive cars because they are going to do it eventually.

Exotic - there's a big difference between a 7 yo and a 12 yo. Although tbh I don't think any parents I know would have been happy with their children going to stay overnight with someone they didn't know even at that age. Maybe it's just where you live...

I helicoptered over dd at her party in playcentre - mostly as she clearly had too many chips and I could help her eat them! Also I was pg with twins so needed any food I could get.

DD can be a bit naughty eating so I do love seeing her at parties but leave her to it and watch from a distance as she seems to behave better with other kids to eat with. I only step in if she looks lost - which happened at her first party as she'd never dealt with helping herself to food before and was waiting to be passed some, and one other time because the kids were 2 years older than her and a bit rougher so she was a bit scared (3 at the time).

anyhoo - I'm off to bed. Glad to see people can disagree (at length!) on MN and not become rude or nasty - I think its a bit of a rarity here TBH - so thanks ladies :)

When you yours get to 11 or 12 you won't think the same! It is far more worrying!

yes bubbleymummy - I'm sure a lot depends on where you live/what you're school community is like/how long you've been at the school/how many parents are 'known' because they do pick-ups and drop offs/whether you know the other families and children attending etc etc. Lots of context which you can't really get from an internet post :)

You will look back and realise how easy it was when all you had to worry about was leaving them at a friend's house for a party with an aquaintance!

I will still want to have some knowledge of the parents when my children ae at secondary school as what if the parents are giving the children fags or letting them drink lots. I think its always best to know

gargh, exotic don't! You are being frustrating, as I have said about 3 times now that I WOULD leave them with an aquaintence, but not people I don't know at all. Of which there are many at the DC's school. (also the "you'll look back and realise..." is a bit annoying too - just so you know :o )

All I am saying is that when they get the invitiation- at 5yrs or above- decline it if you are not happy. Don't go and hover.

But then I wouldn't get any icing!

Honestly though, party culture here is very sociable - you can rest assured that its not strange or out of order that I go along.

Really going to bed now. :)

I agree everyone would think you were weird if you left here to and didnt stay for a drink/bit of food.

Funnily enough I've just been chatting to the mother of one of dd's friends, to whose party she's going to on Sunday. They are German and the mother said to me: 'why do parents stay at parties? - it's all very strange'

Strange indeed

Hi Astrophe, just meant what do you do with the other younger ones if you are staying at the party. If your partner is at work or you have no partner it makes it more difficult.

Do you live in the Far East? Just curious as you seem to have a very different take on the party issue. Mine are all teenagers now so it seems like a vague memory.