To think this type of helicoptering is OTT at kids parties?

[minxofmancunia]

I'm prepared to be flamed about this, I know a lot of parents like to hyper supervise every single calorie and morsel that passes their childs lips otherwise....oh i don't know hell might freeze over or something but surely you can back off at a party??

One of the reasons I send dh with dd to parties rather than go myself is because I find the anxious, hectic, hyper controlling helicoptering of other parents too much to bear esp at the mealtime. So what of they just eat a handful of doritos 3 breadsticks and a piece of cake? It's ONE MEAL. It's a PARTY.



Dh went to a party at a play centre recently, one that's renowed for having healthy good food, carrot sticks proper baker chips, pitta bread, hummus etc. It was for a 5 year old. every parent bar him stood "OVER" their child monitoring and co-ercing every, single, mouthful and flapping if they didn't take adequate intake of grapes/veg etc. Above anything else i actually think it's embarrassing. get a grip people.

At my dds 5th party I'll be asking that they're left. No staying and special GENUINE dietry requirements aside I ain't monitoring them all at food time.

AIBU, I'm I a terrible mummy, benign neglectful harridan?

Oh and BTW I work in child health and am fully aware of opinions amongst my colleagues and myself who think that this kind of parenting can actually contribute to food issues in adolescence which i believe to be true.

[iceandsliceplease]

I'm about to out myself as a party failure here...

DS had his 6th birthday earlier this year and because we're broke oldfashioned, we decided to have his party at home, with seven of his mates around for fun & games. Our house is tiny so I was quite insistent with the other parents that there really is no need for you to stay and luckily they took the hint.
DP & I were quite excited about doing the food, gleefully remembering the birthday party food of our childhoods. We had mini hamburgers, hot dogs, 5 different types of sandwiches, crisps, party rings, twiglets, quiche, veg sticks, dips, pineapple & cheese hedgehogs, sausage rolls, prawns...a heaving, groaning table of food which delighted us wholeheartedly.
After an hour or so of thunderously excited children, we called them in to eat. They took their Star Wars themed paper plates, gathered round the table and we exhorted them to take as much food as they wanted. My least favourite of DS's friends One boy took one look, said 'Yuk! I'm not eating any of that' and threw his plate onto the table. All other children followed suit (including DS whose ability to fill his face is renowned amongst all who know him). The party food fed the four of us as breakfast, lunch and dinner for the next four days.

Re: leaving your kids at parties, if it's in a public place (ie a soft play area), then I usually stay as a) I think it's too much to expect that other parents will be able to keep an eye on all of the kids and b) they're usually so far away that by the time I've got home I'd have to leave to pick DC up again. If it's at someones home or in a village hall, I won't stay (although I check what the other parents are doing first)

[hester]

at kiddy guests turning their noses up at a retro feast of prawns, party rings and pineapple & cheese hedgehogs. Perhaps they were just waiting for you to crack open the Watneys Party7?

[Astrophe]

alemci - I live in Australia. We lived in the UK for 3 years and I was always baffled by the Britich approach to partries whilst there - I remember that now.

With small kids here (under 5 or 6, say), the parties generally seem to be family/community affairs, with aunties and uncles, lots of food, wine etc..and so of course parents of kids stay too, and its no bother. Most kids we'd have at these parties we would know their families anyway (but if the parents couldn't stay, they would probably say "I'm so sorry we wont be able to stay - would you mind if I dropped off DC and collected him late? Is that ok?") , but there would usually be a couple of school or preschool kids whos parents we didn;t know.

From age 6 or 7 there have been more parties where there aren't lots of family about, but parents still stay. I took DS (5) to one at a bowling centre on Saturday, there were 12 kids all together, all parents stayed (about 6 of us, as there were some invited siblings in the 12). We bought our own coffees from the cafe and sat and chatted/helped the kids bowl if they needed help. The host Mum bought a big platter of nibbles for the parents, which we ate whilst the kids ate their lunch.

This saturday DS has another party, this one at a MacDonalds. I have never even seen the other parents before, and am not sure who else is going. DH will take him, and will take DD (7) along too (I am 40 weeks pg, so will be at home sleeping while DD2 naps!). He and DD will either a) sit elsewhere in Maccas and have lunch, probably with the other parents and siblings or b) sit in the KFC next door, depending on how many kids/how many adults/whether DS knows enough people to feel happy being left.

[iceandsliceplease]

hester perhaps the Watneys would have got them eating? I was a little bit furious because we'd laid out loads of olives too and DS scoffs them like nothing else on earth on a normal day.

[bumbleymummy]

I thimble sounds lovely iceandslice. I really want to know how to make a cheese and pineapple hedgehog now....

[bumbleymummy]

I think*. Silly autocorrect!

[ragged]

...your child would have been at school for 2-3 years (in the UK) so Im sure you would have gotten to know the other parents to trust them to look after a child for a hour or so, at a children's birthday party.

Er, I barely know who any of the parents are for DC3's yr2! I'm moderately fuzzy on which name goes with which child's face, too.

I would now probably leave 7yo DS at a party (assuming he ever gets invited to one :)), but depends if I believe party host can deal with such a boisterous child. I really don't want him to antagonise adults.

[BumperlicicusTotalus]

There are extremes either way and I certainly don't agree with this sentiment 'well i have 5 children and they eat and drink whatever they want and always have done i think keeping sweets and crisps as treats is pathetic my children even have coke when they want it'

My dd1 would live on a diet of crisps given the opportunity. The only vegetable she will (knowingly) eat is cucumber so I tend to serve it at every meal!

I do pretty much let her eat what she wants at parties though. Though I probably sound really wanky as she doesn't really like sweets or cake but will think she does and will take them when offered. I tend to point out that she doesn't like them as I don't want her to take them and waste them. But it probably just sounds like I am being wanky and showing off about how healthily she eats. I'm not. She will eat crisps chocolate and biscuits till the cows come home. But just doesn't like cake or sweets. Or ice cream. She's a weirdo! Must have swapped her at birth!

[PaulaMummyKnowsBest]

i hover over my youngest at parties so ensure that he eats. He is tiny (about to go into yr 3 at schools and I was asked if he was starting nursery or reception ) and whilst I am trying to get him to eat crap "party food" he nibbles carrot sticks and grapes.

[alemci]

Sounds good Astrophe. Do you think the climate, distances and the size of housing affect the way parties are in Os. Are people more community and family orientated.

I think it depends when your childs birthday is. It is so much easier if your child is born in the Summer as everyone can go in the garden. Not so easy when your house was a 3 bed semi and it was winter.

[Laquitar]

LeQueen some hosts can be careless tbh.
Astrophe is in oz so i can see her point if pools are very common. I've been to birthday parties in Cyprus and some of them ended up in tragedy . The combination of several kids, pools, heat, alcohol, and a very laid back and fun loving attitude is not always ideal. Call me paranoid but i always stay there.

[MrsKravitz]

How are we supposed to know parents of the kids in our children's schools? Mine has just finished year 1 and I dont know them.

[bumbleymummy]

I can definitely say that I would not let my children be driven anywhere by someone I didn't know. How do you know if they are a safe driver? What about proper seats etc? Not worth the risk imo. I would much rather drop them off myself and if I had room for another seat in the car I woudl bring another child but would not think it was weird at all of their parents refused to let me drive them because they didn't know me.

[TartyDoris]

Someone came to my DDs 6th birthday party in a Chinhook, I thought it was totally OTT helicoptering, all the other guests arrived in normal single-rotored helicopters.

[ragged]

psssssssst Kravitz: your DC is supposed to have been invited to 1-2 parties every weekend since reception; Many at soft play centres so it would have made sense to stop and chat to the others. Then you'd be nattering with them at the gates every day to keep up to date with the latest gossip about your child's year group.

Oh, what, you mean you didn't do all that? Tsk tsk... What? You had a life? Honestly, these modern parents...

[MrsKravitz]

Oh bugger. Stuffed up.

Doesnt help that he catches a school bus and I work. I know one or two from the bus stop though. Been in to the school twice this year.

[desertgirl]

Mrs Kravitz, I know the other parents in my DS's class from going to various kids' parties with them..... :)

this year they have been turning 5, and usually most of the mums (and the odd dad) have stayed (and often been fed rather nicely... sadly no alcohol, wouldn't be appropriate). Again not in the UK though (middle east, hence the alcohol thing)

[Bugmum]

I stay when it's my older child (6) because he has ASD; I stay even though it's embarrassing to do so where I live, and barely tolerated. I also appear to hover, simply because he needs me to be close, and I encourage him to put ANYTHING on his plate (don't give a toss what) simply so he looks as though he's eaten something. Helicoptering isn't always what it seems; trust me, I'd love not to Mind you, with my 4 year old, he's happy for me to be off and I wouldn't dream of monitoring him At my own house parties, I always provide booze for the adults and cheese and biscuits etc, so they become sort of family affairs. Oddly enough, many parents want to stay then

[rebl]

It drives me mad and thats coming from a parent with a child with multiple food allegies. He's 5. I check his plate (I always call the venue ahead of time) and then just leave him too it. Then there's always the parents who want them to eat the food in order, i.e. the sandwiches and carrots or whatever 1st. That really annoys me. Just leave the child to it. I'm sure they'll eat it all if they're hungry. I have to say my dd learnt early on by eating so much crap she made herself sick. She's never done it since!

[TheRealMBJ]

Bumper I think that was meant to be a joke (or at least I hope so).

I can see the point of there are pools involved. My brother almost drowned at my cousins birthday party when he was 2 (I was 5 so remember it quite clearly) and that was with my mother standing right next to him. I can remember very vividly her jumping in straight after him fully clothed, her dress billowing around her. Very, very scary.

[Astrophe]

alemci - maybe the weather and house sizes make it easier. But tbh, (how to put this tactfully!?), British people are generally quite... reserved. Don't get me wrong, I have some beautiful British friends who I love dearly and miss a lot, but the ability to chat easily with 'new' people, and feel comfortable with being in people's homes, or having people in your own home who you don't know very well, seems to be less developed in Britain th here, than here.

Having said that, I always found the checkout chics and other shop staff most friendly in England, and often very surly here. So there are pros and cons. But it certainly took me longer to make friends/be invited to homes/for a coffee etc in the UK than it did here.

[ArmchairFeminist]

I dump n run.

Parties are times when normal food rules do not apply and they can eat what they want.

And when I am host I can't stand parents I don't know hanging around my kitchen . I don't bite, you can leave.

[ilovedora27]

I live down south in england and parties I know of are like astrophes. I have never been to a kids party in the home unless they are bbq/drinking type of events. I couldnt care less what food my DD eats and have never met anyone that does, if anything its way more the other way here (think kids eating sausage rolls for breakfast!)