To think this type of helicoptering is OTT at kids parties?

[minxofmancunia]

I'm prepared to be flamed about this, I know a lot of parents like to hyper supervise every single calorie and morsel that passes their childs lips otherwise....oh i don't know hell might freeze over or something but surely you can back off at a party??

One of the reasons I send dh with dd to parties rather than go myself is because I find the anxious, hectic, hyper controlling helicoptering of other parents too much to bear esp at the mealtime. So what of they just eat a handful of doritos 3 breadsticks and a piece of cake? It's ONE MEAL. It's a PARTY.



Dh went to a party at a play centre recently, one that's renowed for having healthy good food, carrot sticks proper baker chips, pitta bread, hummus etc. It was for a 5 year old. every parent bar him stood "OVER" their child monitoring and co-ercing every, single, mouthful and flapping if they didn't take adequate intake of grapes/veg etc. Above anything else i actually think it's embarrassing. get a grip people.

At my dds 5th party I'll be asking that they're left. No staying and special GENUINE dietry requirements aside I ain't monitoring them all at food time.

AIBU, I'm I a terrible mummy, benign neglectful harridan?

Oh and BTW I work in child health and am fully aware of opinions amongst my colleagues and myself who think that this kind of parenting can actually contribute to food issues in adolescence which i believe to be true.

[MrsKravitz]

Not food related but I had one horrible incident at the school fayre with one of these nutters. Ds had a few stuffed toys from the toy tomobola, there were obviously poking up from the plastic bag I was holding. The nutter and her husbad were talking to me and she suddenly went into hysterics at her husband making sure he had told the children (twins) NO stuffed toys, because they were FULL OF GERMS! This went on for an uncomfortable length of time as I stood wide-eyed, clutching my germ ridden panda and monkey.

[exoticfruits]

They are not going to be happy because as the DC gets to 5yrs it becomes increasingly impossible to control everything. (and a good thing too)

[minouminou]

See, this is it....it makes you feel bad. No matter how irrational or unfounded this nonsense can be, when you're on the receiving end of it, there's a few seconds of your life that you'll never get back, in which you feel like you're doing something wrong.

I've developed more of a thick skin now....and I've cut a few high-maintenance people out, because I can't be arsed. I also don't let new high-maintenance people in.

[ScarlettIsWalking]

I once went to a party where there was the most delicious spread. Pitta with goats cheese and sun dried tomatoe spread, celery, pulses, hoummous, bundles of veg and no meat.

The children didn't eat more that a bite of it, all this beautiful food it was a shame but I felt the parents got that one really wrong. I ate a huge platter though...

[alemci]

yes there is alot of look at me and people like the sound of their own voices. I was never bothered about what they ate at parties and just let them get on with it.

I do understand if people's dc have allergies, obviously this has to be monitored. Also when they were 5 I think they got left at parties anyway.

[ilovedora27]

Ragged - Yeah we have 2 soft play places and both serve alcohol. One of them used to do adults only nights where you got drunk and went on all the equipment. I went to one once when I was 17 and nearly knocked myself out they banned it in the end because of insurance purposes.

I live by the sea in a coastal town and its quite a laid back lifestyle everyone seems to drink at most things! I would think everyone would think I had bad manners if I held a kids party and didnt offer the adult who stayed some beer/wine/cider or something.

[zorgmoid]

YABU in one respect. Some parents insist on presenting small children with plates of whole grapes at parties. I don't care how much junk my child eats at a party, but I won't let them have whole grapes. So I hover when they're small.

[MrsKravitz]

How old is your child? zorgmoid

[berylmuspratt]

I agree with dogsbestfriend and think these parents are trying to impress others with their ace parenting skills !

Personally I expect ds to run around like a loon, have a sugar rush and eat too many crisps- it's a party for goodnesss sake :)

[diggingintheribs]

I believe that whole grapes should be avoided for the under 3's and agree with zorgmoid

my dr friend has seen a few deaths due to choking on grapes and it is the only thing she isn't chilled out about.

DS is 4 now so not so relevant but I do keep an eye on DD (1)

[minxofmancunia]

Me too digging I'm reasonable laid back but paranoid about Grapes, also make dcs eat lollies sitting down etc.

Am paranoid about choking

[corriefan]

I'm fine with kids eating a load of crap at parties but I do thinks their parents should ensure that their child doesn't take the entire serving of wotsits or whatever. It is irritating when kids grab huge handfuls of stuff and their parents say nothing

[exoticfruits]

The ones grabbing handfuls are generally the ones whose parents hover-they do it as soon as their backs are turned!
OP was talking about 5 yr olds-they can manage grapes! There is no excuse by that age to not just let them get on with it.

[ragged]

Maybe those parents hover because they know that child is a greedy grabber & they are trying to prevent it?

I have 1 grabber and 3 who would never be so bolsy (except maybe eldest trying to show off ).

[hairfullofsnakes]

This thread all sounds a bit 'oh look at me! I just leave them to it!' but like sole others have said, a bit of monitoring is needed sometimes as kids can take and take without consideration for others. I let my eldest child of nearly four eat most things at parties although not sweets (yet) as he doesnt have them at all and I am not a fan of nasty chewy sweets etc but he is fine with this and has some other things although he would Hoover all the crisps up if I left him to it!

[mummyosaurus]

YANBU I did helicoper over PFB DD for a year or so, but once DS arrived (19 mths after DD) got fed up, and follow the it's a party it won't hurt approach, limiting myself to maybe chucking a few cucumber sticks on her plate.

However;

Pumpkin - I sympathise! DS, now 4.6, is prone to being a bit chunky and I have to keep half an eye on him as I suspect he would eat chocolate biscuits until he made himself sick. So I do a sweep on what he's got on his pate to make sure it's not a whole packet of biscuits.

[exoticfruits]

By 5yrs they ought to have got past the grabbing stage and they should certainly be able to be left at a party.

[CheerfulYank]

My DS had a birthday party last weekend and had pizza, cake, ice cream, and crisps. I brought a fruit plate to semi-appease everyone, plus I like fruit. :o I went around the table asking kids what they wanted and most took fruit. Luckily none of the parents freaked out, I think I would have laughed and deeply offended someone. :)

Now, the parent who let her son hover thisclose to my DS while he was opening his gifts and did nothing while her son snatched the presents out of DS's hands because "I wanna LOOK at them" the second they were opened...that's another story. Bloody SIL

[ragged]

By 5yrs they ought to have got past the grabbing stage and they should certainly be able to be left at a party.

But what if they aren't...? Should they not go at all if they're not confident enough to stay alone, don't have self-control yet? If you want to blame the parent for these faults then carry on, but do you expect the parent to invent a time machine as well to fix the past?

[ragged]

... Or just dump the poor-self-control child there anyway and run, allowing the mite to antagonise hosts & maybe other kids. Coz that's a great solution, that one.

[exoticfruits]

No one is for a minute suggesting that we are talking about a DC with allergies.
When mine were 5 yrs, as the party hostess, I was fully capable of stopping a DC grabbing too much! They will never learn if mother hovers continually, and it is no wonder they then grab when she isn't there!

[DoMeDon]

Everything Otch said.

Also about the text book discipline and joyless worthy parenting

People are out there doing their best - if you're happy in your approach why would it bug you so much!?!