To think this type of helicoptering is OTT at kids parties?

[minxofmancunia]

I'm prepared to be flamed about this, I know a lot of parents like to hyper supervise every single calorie and morsel that passes their childs lips otherwise....oh i don't know hell might freeze over or something but surely you can back off at a party??

One of the reasons I send dh with dd to parties rather than go myself is because I find the anxious, hectic, hyper controlling helicoptering of other parents too much to bear esp at the mealtime. So what of they just eat a handful of doritos 3 breadsticks and a piece of cake? It's ONE MEAL. It's a PARTY.



Dh went to a party at a play centre recently, one that's renowed for having healthy good food, carrot sticks proper baker chips, pitta bread, hummus etc. It was for a 5 year old. every parent bar him stood "OVER" their child monitoring and co-ercing every, single, mouthful and flapping if they didn't take adequate intake of grapes/veg etc. Above anything else i actually think it's embarrassing. get a grip people.

At my dds 5th party I'll be asking that they're left. No staying and special GENUINE dietry requirements aside I ain't monitoring them all at food time.

AIBU, I'm I a terrible mummy, benign neglectful harridan?

Oh and BTW I work in child health and am fully aware of opinions amongst my colleagues and myself who think that this kind of parenting can actually contribute to food issues in adolescence which i believe to be true.

[sassyminder]

I am glad I didn't go to my friend's DD's party (2 and 4) when I heard that she gave the children sweeties and than took them away when she decided they had had enough..making everybody cry especially the B'day girls.

[rookiemater]

Really OP I have never come across this in the parties that DS goes to. I do get annoyed though as I leave him to his own devices to eat as much rubbish as he wants at the party, and then I get a party bag stuffed with more sweeties and cake and then I am mean mummy if I say no because if I don't he then will get a sugar high and have a major strop later.

[diggingintheribs]

this is why i do food boxes at parties, veg sticks, cheese sandwich, crisps, little cake and a piece of fruit and a small pack of sweets. Do with it as you will.

On past form DS eats the veg sticks, the fruit, the sweets, the icing off the cake, the crisps and a nibble of the sandwich - in that order.

I must go to different parties though! DS embarrassed me by yelling 'i don't want the pizza, I want some more carrots!'.

He starts school this september and I won't be happy leaving him at parties until I get to know the parents a bit better

[IvyAndGold]

YANBU, I took DD to a playgroup where every other mother was like this. Only once. And then I got The Glares because I just let DD get on with it, bad mummy Ivy!

I love 'helicoptering parents', I might have to steal that

[Mobly]

This thread made me laugh! My DS (3.5ys) started pre-school in feb and he had his first party the other day and at the food time ALL the parents kind of hovered behind their kids putting food on their plates etc. Would have left DS to it but thought I'd better do same as others so chucked a few tomatoes on his plate which he immediately threw back. Oops.

He eats really well but given the choice of chocolate fingers or cherry tomatoes and cucumber- come on!?

[KoolAidKid]

Oh god we was on holiday last week and went to a pub with a soft play area. I let 4 yo DD run off to play, and me and DH sat down with a drink nearby as you do.

Then some wierdo dad came over and asked if we were the parents of the blonde girl, and told us we shouldn't let her play on her own in the soft play area as there was another dad in there, and "you can't be too careful nowadays can you".

We assured him she was ok and we were keeping an eye on her, but he wouldn't let it go FFS. Proper ruined my first beer he did

[TakeMeDrunkImHome]

I am sure it is said all the time but it baffles me that children were pretty much OK before, and will be after, these ahole terms for "parenting".

[pink4ever]

diggin-well you are clearly a superior parent to the rest of us when your dc prefers veg to cake?.
My dcs have a very good diet(love fruit and veg) but when they go to parties I fully expect them to eat rubbish-its a party!.

[YellowDinosaur]

In principle I agree with the OP and tend to have a more relaxed attitude to the boys (5 and 3) food intake at parties.

However, there are some weekends when they have 2 or even 3 parties. So I am not actually going to let either of them just eat sweets cake and crisps and nothing else at all 3 of these parties. Apart from anything else it will turn them into irritable hyper nightmares who I then have to look after for the rest of the time which is not fun. So in these situations I give them a couple of sandwiches and say they have to eat those and then can have whatever else they like. This doesn't seem to affect their enjoyment of the party.

As for whoever it was who says that the helicoper food police parents are doing a bit of the 'look at me aren't I a wonderful parent this' I also find those who are very blase about it could also be described in the same way - 'look aren't I so liberal and fun'.

The examples in the OP are clearly extreme examples and I think these parents are unreasonable and over controlling. However I personally don't see the issue with expecting your children to consume at least something with some nutitional value at a party along with cake crisps and sweets. Or that taking this approach will give your child issues with food in later life.

[Kewcumber]

"often wonder why I am the only parent who goes to the children's parties just to chat to the other parents" - ooh yes I DS had a lovely party last week where myself and another mother sat and ate cake and drank coffee and chatted because it as too far to drive home and come back again.

Lovely it was

[hester]

I thought I lived at the epicentre of M&S parenting, but even here the parents generally don't give a toss what their children are eating at parties.

[diggingintheribs]

I didn't mean to sound superior - I get looks at parties because he isn't scoffing enough junk! I fully expect this to change though as he's only 4 and he is developing a taste for frosting on the cupcakes!

The whole point of parties is that they should be able to eat what they want so agreeing with OP

[Mobly]

Pink4ever, I don't think Digginintheribs came across like that at all. Not all DCs are the same.

[OriginalPoster]

I think i live in a 1980s time warp. There are no parents like op described, and the kids merrily eat crap at parties.

[TheCrackFox]

I've learnt to spot helicopter parents at 50 paces (they always seem to do loud parenting too) - funnily enough because I am such a lazy arse my children have never really gelled with the children of over anxious idiots.

YANBU

[TakeMeDrunkImHome]

OriginalPoster - I think we must live in the same timewarp.

[minxofmancunia]

My dds bestest mate has the worse helicopters ever, although they do a good pretence at blase when they come round here. you can tell they are ITCHING to intervene. i'm "sit down have a brew/wine!" etc etc. the friend who's a proper little character gives them a look sometimes as if to say "will you 2 just DO one and leave me alone will ya" she's so nonchalont it's highly amusing.

[sungirltan]

yanbu at all. BUT - you aint seen nothing! i used to work in maercian summer camps. lovely kids but lots of them were sent with strict dietary rules - to the point where they had their own organic/blah ketchup in the kitchen - parents owuld cover every eventuality lest thier little darlings eat some ordinary food. its crazy.

imo you shouldnt demonise any food groups - i think there is ideal that your kid doesnt eat any junk food and dreams of piles of celery or whatever but in reality i think the healthiest approach is to be honest and say that some food is for nutrition but other things are just to be enjoyed.

[DogsBestFriend]

"As for whoever it was who says that the helicoper food police parents are doing a bit of the 'look at me aren't I a wonderful parent this' I also find those who are very blase about it could also be described in the same way - 'look aren't I so liberal and fun'."

That was me. :o

Liberal is not something I have ever been accused of before and I reckon it'll be another 46 years before I get that levelled at me again! :o

My DC have been raised as vegetarians so I did have my moments of "DDs can't eat that, sorry!". I otherwise took the middle ground - sweets/chips etc have never been banned in our house but neither do they make the bulk of our diet. It works for us. :)

[NellieForbush]

I just don't know any parents like this. I almost want to meet some for a laugh.

[ChristinedePizan]

This is the point where I like to trot out the fact that it has been proved that children with a normal tolerance to sugar (ie not diabetic) do not become 'hyper' because of too much sugar, but because parties are very exciting. So you can feed them houmous on brown bread and they will still be over-excited and find it difficult to sleep afterwards.

And I am very much looking forward to DS's next party when I will be swanning off into the sunset and he can stuff his face with as many swiss rolls as he can eat :o

[pigletmania]

I agree with you minx its really bad. My dd is 4.5 and I have been known to hover over her when she is eating so that she stays sitting down, and eats something, anything edible instead of running about when all other kids are sitting down. Disclaimer: dd has possible ASD, social communication difficulties and emotional delays dx on Monday yay.

[pigletmania]

I want her to learn that she cannot just run about and about social norms, easier said than done.

[mercibucket]

coke however is the drink of the devil - sugar might not have an effect but caffeine sure as hell does