To think this type of helicoptering is OTT at kids parties?

[minxofmancunia]

I'm prepared to be flamed about this, I know a lot of parents like to hyper supervise every single calorie and morsel that passes their childs lips otherwise....oh i don't know hell might freeze over or something but surely you can back off at a party??

One of the reasons I send dh with dd to parties rather than go myself is because I find the anxious, hectic, hyper controlling helicoptering of other parents too much to bear esp at the mealtime. So what of they just eat a handful of doritos 3 breadsticks and a piece of cake? It's ONE MEAL. It's a PARTY.

Dh went to a party at a play centre recently, one that's renowed for having healthy good food, carrot sticks proper baker chips, pitta bread, hummus etc. It was for a 5 year old. every parent bar him stood "OVER" their child monitoring and co-ercing every, single, mouthful and flapping if they didn't take adequate intake of grapes/veg etc. Above anything else i actually think it's embarrassing. get a grip people.

At my dds 5th party I'll be asking that they're left. No staying and special GENUINE dietry requirements aside I ain't monitoring them all at food time.

AIBU, I'm I a terrible mummy, benign neglectful harridan?

Oh and BTW I work in child health and am fully aware of opinions amongst my colleagues and myself who think that this kind of parenting can actually contribute to food issues in adolescence which i believe to be true.

I am sure most kids did get left at parties when they were 5. afterall they were in school all day. I remember doing a nursery school party at McDonalds and the mums didn't stay.

I think it is more unusual for parents to want to stay when they get to that age. I suppose if they have to travel some distance and it is not worth going home.

TBH I had 3 kids under 4 so when the ED had a party I was grateful for one less child to worry about.

CheerfulYank, I had a friend's dcs who kept grabbing my dd's presents out of her hands and ripping them open, "to help her". Mother did nothing, I intervened and asked them to let dd open her own presents.

I got called away. On my return, they had taken over all the presents again, under their mother's fond eye.

These were not toddlers: they were 6 and 8 FGS.

(And this was AFTER the party, for anyone who's thinking I forced 30 children to watch dd opening her presents.)

I like parties, I like children- like staying and seeing the DC have fun, like chatting to the other parents, scarfing cake, games, helping out the harrassed parents doing the party etc.

As the harrassed parent I would have sorted out the childcare and not wanted 'helpful' parents cluttering the place up. At 5yrs any DC should be OK at being left, it is generally a school friend and they are left at school all day.

I wouldn't stay if I wasn't wanted but I would happily stay - there's a difference. the question was, why would anyone want to stay

I'm really surprised people would leave their 4 or 5 year old DC in a stranger's home! Surely not!?

I happily leave them with people I know well, and probably with someone who I say hello to regularly in the playground, or a friend of a friend, but there are many parents of the DC's classmates who I have never even laid eyes on (as their DC go to before/after school care, so we don't meet in the playground), and I wouldn't leave the DC with them, just as I wouldn;t a random stranger.

At one party I took DD to, the parents (who seemed quite nice and were very kind to the DC, but obviously had very different ideas about parenting from me), let about 15 5-7 year olds go and jump on the parents bed for an hour (door shut, unsupervised...many injured children resulted), and then brought them out to feed them some cake and watch a totally unsuitable (scary) movie...at which point I took DD home. Glad I was there!

And as it happens I don't mind childrens parties anyway, and the party culture around here is that parents often stay and have a chat and cuppa anyway.

I can't think why people have parties and invite DCs that are not particular friends. If you don't think you can trust the parents refuse the invitation. I think it very rude to say (not out loud of course!) my DC would like to come but I have to stay because you are a random stranger and I don't trust you!!

You will have to let go soon, after 6yrs -definitely 7yrs -you have to leave-without having inspected the kitchen, viewed the menu and found out the parent's philosophy on parenting!

Why would anyone actually want to stay at a kids party????I may be jaded having been through 21 years of motherhood with a 5 year old left...so to speak, but honestly, give the child some freedom! [shuddering at the thought of staying at 5 year old's parties and monitoring child...]

sorry LeQueen didn't see that you are equally bad mother

We went to a friends recently for a garden picnic, 5 adults, 8 under 3's, 7 of the DC's ate the picnic food ( with assistance as required, some of them are under a year), had a mix of the veg, pasta, sandwiches, cake etc. One mum kept taking stuff off her DD, wanting her to eat veg but not white bread, apple but not sliced strawberry, breadsticks but not seeded ones, etc and then had a fit at the thought of her having any chocolate cake. And then complained at the end that the child doesnt eat very much! I'm not surprised, I think she just got fed up and gave up trying :(

DD is 7. I still go, as do most parents from our school. As I said, I'd leave them with someone known by friends, even if not someone I know well personally. But I wouldn't leave them in the home of someone I know absolutely nothing about. I'm really surprised anyone would do it, tbh. In what other context would it be ok? Just because someone has a DC doesn't make them...well, it doesn't mean you know anything about them. Obviously there will come a time - not sure when.

I'm not bothered about DC getting a 'bump', and not at all bothered what they eat either. (I don't hover at all - although occasionally need to remind DS to slow down as he has a very big appetite for sausages!)

But don't want them injured because they are not being at all supervised, or terrified by some weird movie - or, extremely unlikely but unfortunately something DH and I feel compelled to consider - abused or frightened by a strange adult (and yes I do know that family members are most likely to abuse. We do what we can to keep our DC safe when and where possible though, don't we?).

Anyway, as I said (a few times now!), its not at all uncommon for parents to stay at 7 year olds parties around here, and so fortunately for us there has never been an issue of us having to 'insist' on staying. Thinking about it, many of the Mums and Dads I am most friendly with now are those I've sat and had a chat with at one of the DC's parties.

It's ridiculous and sad really. People need to lighten up.

altinkum - at the other mum requesting your DH to make their child a fruit salad! As if they were at a restaurant! The cheek!

Oops x-post.

But still, really? At 7? When would you you consider it anappropriate age to go to a party alone?

I don't mind them going alone, just not with perfect strangers!

I wouldn't let them over the door step if the DC was 7yrs old! A cheery 'good bye see you later' should be enough for all but the thick skinned-who would need 'I really don't need any help-it is all sorted, thank you'. (unless SN and then of course I would be understanding)

How odd that you would expect and insist that anyone would leave their child with you if you were a perfect stranger to them!

You may think it odd. I don't. If they don't trust a 7yr old with me for 3 hours then I don't want to ask them!