To think this type of helicoptering is OTT at kids parties?

[minxofmancunia]

I'm prepared to be flamed about this, I know a lot of parents like to hyper supervise every single calorie and morsel that passes their childs lips otherwise....oh i don't know hell might freeze over or something but surely you can back off at a party??

One of the reasons I send dh with dd to parties rather than go myself is because I find the anxious, hectic, hyper controlling helicoptering of other parents too much to bear esp at the mealtime. So what of they just eat a handful of doritos 3 breadsticks and a piece of cake? It's ONE MEAL. It's a PARTY.

Dh went to a party at a play centre recently, one that's renowed for having healthy good food, carrot sticks proper baker chips, pitta bread, hummus etc. It was for a 5 year old. every parent bar him stood "OVER" their child monitoring and co-ercing every, single, mouthful and flapping if they didn't take adequate intake of grapes/veg etc. Above anything else i actually think it's embarrassing. get a grip people.

At my dds 5th party I'll be asking that they're left. No staying and special GENUINE dietry requirements aside I ain't monitoring them all at food time.

AIBU, I'm I a terrible mummy, benign neglectful harridan?

Oh and BTW I work in child health and am fully aware of opinions amongst my colleagues and myself who think that this kind of parenting can actually contribute to food issues in adolescence which i believe to be true.

Whatever would you do if I invited your 7yr old for a birthday sleepover? Stay the night?

I know LeQueen stupid isn't it. DD ate a reasonable amount of decent food, discovered she liked melon and then ate/smeared chocolate cake around. She had a great time, a good scrub in the bath and a slightly late dinner. The other child arrived in a pale green frilly dress, didnt eat much and went home as clean as she arrived :( Apparently she's 'delicate'

In the last year (y2 at school) birthday parties have included trips to the cinema/theatre etc. where the hosts have arranged transport for the children to and from the venue.

I'm guessing that those parents with 7yo who are not left alone at parties would feel compelled to decline these invites.

It amuses me that these threads criticizing over-attentive parents of parenting too loudly, presumably seeking recognition of their superior parenting .... quickly become threads of self-congratulation, seeking recognition within the group for 'common-sense, relaxed, and firm-but-fair parenting'.

Both positions as equally needy and insecure as the other.

I'm with you astrophe! Would you ever leave your child with a random stranger on any other occasion? Why is it different at a party? Very strange.

Very true otcha. :)

I had one parent who stayed once at a 5yr old party-I was fine as the DC didn't want to be left. The same DC was fine a year later. By 7yrs they tend to be sports halls, trips out, sleepovers etc and parents do not stay -unless they have been asked to help.

I don't agree with the needy and insecure-just stupid for getting drawn into this type of thread!

exotic - why would it offend you that a stranger didn't trust you with their DC though? I mean chances are you're perfectly normal and kind and lovely, as of course am I , but I woudn't expect a stranger to know that. I wouldn't leave my car keys with a stranger - lovely though they may appear. Would you?

I wouldn't let my 7 year old stay overnight with strangers - absolutely not!

Re the party with a cinema trip - well yes, I may decline. TBH we have never had to decline any party for either of the 2 DC of party-going age though, because we have either:

known the family reasonably well or,
the family are known to another close friend or,
a friend has accomanied their DC and mine or,
I have accompanied DC (and never once have I been the only parent accompanying their DC, and never once have I felt unwelcome, and never once has there not been a cuppa and a plate of nibbles for the parents! ...but I do recall that the party culture in the uk is very different from where we currently live).

Bumblymummy - glad I am not the sole voice of reason here :o

Astrophe: we had a 5th birthday party at home for DS1, and almost ALL the parents stayed (all with apologies, mind, and many brought an extra sibling or 2); DS had been at the school just 2 months so pretty obviously we were barely known factors & no way did I blame the parents for claiming their child wouldn't stay without them wanting to stay. Even the few parents we already knew best tended to stay.

I certainly didn't mind!!

I was at a kids party once (venue was miles from home so stayed due to it being silly to drive 35 miles back just to return almost immediately) and I helped put out tables and things as I was there, anyway when the cake came out there was this big sort of "swoosh" noise as the mothers swooped in and ripped the icing off while their child was lifting the cake to their lips. About half the parents did this and the ones who ate the icing had the envious stares of those who were denied.

And, of course, the same parents weeded the party bags before their child could get to them and took out the sinful packet of chocolate buttons...I redistributed the despised buttons to those children without insane parents and DH ate most of the icing that had been left on the plates while he was clearing the tables.

Parties are the only time DD gets chocolate finger biscuits and crisps and iced cake and she looks forward to them immensely.

Imagine this thread:

AIBU? I took my DC (age 7) to the park. DC was playing with another child of similar age, they got on well, child seemed nice. Parent of other child came out of their house (accross the road) and said "why doesn't your DC come and stay the night with us? - you can collect them in the morning". Parent seemed very nice. AIBU to let DC go?

:) Astrophe. I've had pretty much the same experiences as you wrt parties too.

Astrophe - no way would i let my child go.What if they are taking drugs, drinking very excessively, having random people round etc. I would have to know them all properly first

regged - yes, meant to say that DD age 7 has never been invited to a sleepover party - doesn't seem to happen until much later 'round here thankfully (although she has been to the cinema for a birthday - with her best friend who's parents I know well and 3 other children. Fine - we had no issues with that at all).

ilovedora - but of course you wouldn't, thats my point. In any other context apart from a party, it would be unthinkable to let a DC go and stay with strangers!

Well, my dd5 has been to several sleepovers with her 'best friend' and said friend has also stayed here on several occasions. In fact, they were both 4 when it started. They have been friends since nursery and although I 'know' the parents, they are by no means friends...I don't find this at all odd - I totally trust them and they presumably trust us!

miggsie - are you sure the parents weren't scoffing the icing and choc buttons themselves ? I love having a little rummage in the kids party bags...just to check the contents are...er...safe, mind.

It would seem sensible to me to invite real friends to a birthday, ones who had been to your house for tea in the past and where they had been to the other DCs house. If you suddenly invite hoards ,merely because they happen to be in the same class, then it may well cause anxiety.
I would understand someone not wanting to do a sleepover-I hate them anyway-but they are not likely to be asked unless they are a very close friend.

I would be offended if the parent of a 7yr old wasn't prepared to leave them with me at a party-what am I going to do with them in 3 hrs?!

Alas, no the parents were ot scoffing the stuff they were discarding it with utter contempt upon the tables. Hence, I was able to redistribute. I thought it a bit rude really but the mum of the birthday boy says these parents do it at every party.

Not always what if you dont do school pick ups or drop offs?

Astrophe do you have other younger children though?

yes exotic, and I guess thats probably why we haven't run into any problems with parties (despite our 'rule' of not letting them go to houses of strangers). Generally speaking, they are invited to parties of children/families we know, and generally speaking the children we invite are from families we know - at least a little.

Not always the case though - lots of kids from DD's class this year go to before and after care, and we are new at the school this year too, so some parents I have literally never clapped eyes on, let alone spoken to.

What could happen to a DC in 3 hours? Consider yourself blessed not to know :( I really do realise that most people are very kind and upright though, and it is not really with the intention of guarding against horrors that I attend parties with my DC. I think the more likely 'bad thing' would be for a DC to be injured/unsupervised/frightened/see unsuitable movie etc etc, rather than anything more sinister.

alemci - yes I do, why do you ask?

If you're wondering whether I bring them, the answer is no :) I wouldn't bring an uninvited sibling (except a baby).