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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel upset about sil not breastfeeding?

1003 replies

wheelygirl · 17/07/2011 12:39

hi, new here so pls be gentle!

My dh's brother and his wife had a baby boy four days ago. She said she had a lovely birth and was out of hospital the next day.

We visited them yesterday at home and sil was bottle feeding. Now, I don't give a shit how people feed their children, I don't have any kids (am pg)But I got quite upset because her ds kept trying to breastfeed from her. He was refusing the bottle and kept nuzzling into her chest. Her breasts were leaking as well and she told me she was hand expressing and chucking it away. I asked her why she didnt give it to her ds and she told me that she doesn't want him to get used to breast milk. He had the formula milk then vomited it back up five minutes later. He was really crying and it made me feel awful when he was turning his head to her breast and opening his mouth.

She then went on to tell me that he hasn't even had colostrum because it was too much of a faff to get him to latch on. Colostrum is the important stuff right?

Why do I feel so upset about this? I felt her ds was doing something so instinctive and she should at least have tried to breastfeed. I understand that some women have great difficulty breastfeeding and formula is a more than adequate alternative but at least try and do it.

Aibu?

OP posts:
lovesicecream · 18/07/2011 16:43

See mine were both desperate for food, the oldest one couldn't get enough formula the middle one couldn't get enough breast, he was nearer 6 months though, they were def ready to start weaning, I didn't feel any pressure back then but def feel the pressure not to wean till 6 months this time around

soverylucky · 18/07/2011 16:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

razzlebathbone · 18/07/2011 16:45

So it's ok to judge women who don't even attempt it?

Mrsxstitch · 18/07/2011 16:46

'The judging is reserved for people who make a decision not to even attempt it.'

From both personal experience and reading MN threads it is not the case for everyone. There are many who see a woman with a a bottle and think, and even worse say vile things.

soverylucky · 18/07/2011 16:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BumWiper · 18/07/2011 16:52

At the end of the day every mother is different.Some use formula,some reusable nappies,some buy veg from shops,some grow their own,some homeschool,some don't discipline.

I reserve my judgment for those who neglect and abuse children.

Al0uiseG · 18/07/2011 16:53

"So it's ok to judge women who don't even attempt it?" Or Won't even attempt it.

Shall we stop using "judge" its such a lazy, all encompassing word.

I definitely query why a woman wont even attempt to breast feed when all the evidence points to Breast Milk being the best nutrition a baby can receive.

lovesicecream · 18/07/2011 16:54

Bumwiper you are totally right we spent time with the last baby in nicu though not long, he was born at 32 weeks had to be intubated, tube feed on heat matt and under lamps due to juandice, how they're fed isn't even an issue to you the thing that was the hardest was not being able to pick him up whenever we liked or when he was upset, we were their 3 weeks but some of the women I met had been in the hospital hotel for 3 months and still had no idea when or if their baby's would come home, one women was only 17 and had no family support at all

Kladdkaka · 18/07/2011 16:54

'The judging is reserved for people who make a decision not to even attempt it.'

That'll be people like me then. Thank you very much. Nice to know people who haven't walked so much as a foot in my shoes are judging me.

tiktok · 18/07/2011 17:09

No one needs judge anyone for not bf, whatever the reason - it's tiresome saying this.

Some people judge; they should not.

The end.

lovesicecream · 18/07/2011 17:16

Klad that would be me too, I didn't even attempt to bf my first

microfight · 18/07/2011 17:29

soverylucky Sun 17-Jul-11 13:50:34

This post of yours was deleted and I am fairly sure you didn't say anything horrible. I didn't think I did either and one of mine has been deleted along with loads of others??

JamieAgain · 18/07/2011 17:37

ALoiuse - so - do I get to be not judged because I tried it for one and not for the other? Or just judged a bit less?

JamieAgain · 18/07/2011 17:38

Sorry Xposted - - so it's OK to query me? A lot? Or about 50%?

Al0uiseG · 18/07/2011 18:02

I question and i query. I don't use 'judge' as a verb in rl and i don't intend to get trapped into using it here.

Fifis25StottieCakes · 18/07/2011 18:02

Judge away, ive never attempted it or have any desire to try it. Thank god my 3 are up, eat food and guzzle cows milk

MigGril · 18/07/2011 18:05

'I'm passionate about bfing my chidren, and also helping people who want to bf their children. those who choose not to? I'm passionate about their right to choose what to do with their bodies.'

I agree with this statement but part of me really struggle's to reconcile a women's right's to choose not to. Nothing to do with health benefits but I'm a bit of an environmentalist and feel we all have a responsibility to do as little damage to the planet as possible. Formula feeding is one of those things that a lot could do without if given the right support to BF. Producing bottle's and formula including the cow's milk needed all have a huge impact on the environment. So do a lot of other's things we choose to do in our society (believe me I know I'm not the best at this but we do probably consume less than the average in our house it's a concuss decision). But that is the cost for living in a democracy. I know it's a good thing but also see it sometimes as the way we're destroying our planet. If everyone chose to FF there just wouldn't be enough room for all the cows to feed all the human babies.

hairfullofsnakes · 18/07/2011 18:08

If that is how you feel that is great - for me I want to tell my children I Breastfed them because of the benefits they gained from it not only as babies but for life. I would personally have felt ashamed to have not tried if I could and for my kids to know I didn't try to do something that gave them so so much. But that's just how I feel for me.

pommedechocolat · 18/07/2011 18:17

hair - how bothered do you think they'll be? I reckon they're more likely to remember something insignificant you did wrong that had a bigger impact on them. That's the way the cookie crumbles in parenting...
Which is why it is important never to forget your own needs whilst parenting.

Fifis25StottieCakes · 18/07/2011 18:18

This is what i dont get though, what have i not gave them? What is the difference between my DC and yours

BumWiper · 18/07/2011 18:23

I BF The Tween for almost two years and the ungrateful little brat just told me I'm mean because I won't allow her go to the shops by herself.

All those nightfeeds,expressing,parenting I did by myself for the first 5 years and I'm fucking mean?I give up.

RitaMorgan · 18/07/2011 18:24

I think I would feel a bit weird if I knew my mother had chosen not to breastfeed me, but maybe that's because everyone in my family breastfeeds. If I'd come from the kind of family where formula was the norm then it probably wouldn't be such an issue.

Especially now I have breastfed my own child, it would make me wonder why my mother didn't do that for me.

RedHotPokers · 18/07/2011 18:26

"BobblyGussets Sun 17-Jul-11 22:47:16
I was in a two bed day ward after having my second DS and never saw the woman in the bed next to me due to curtain dividers. We did, however hear plenty through the curtains and she was giving her new born a bottle and then exclaiming, "oh he's been sick". Well I did silently wonder "why not Bf just a few days, what a shame etc".."

Slightly off point, but I feel obliged to mention that my bf DD (bf for 12m) was very sick after every bf. We both got through many outfits each a day, muslins in the double figures, and thank god for leather sofas and wooden floors.

Bizzarely she was less sick on the very few occasions she had a bottle.

BumWiper · 18/07/2011 18:30

RedHot The Baby pukes after every single feed.I have given up changing and now just smell like sour milk.

shortround · 18/07/2011 18:32

My mother didnt breastfeed me but she did my brother - aah you know what ..... I forgive her, it realy has no relevance on me now.

Im healthy, he was a sickly little bugger, asthmatic and plastered in excema.

Im going to ring her later and have it out with her!

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