To feel upset about sil not breastfeeding?

[wheelygirl]

hi, new here so pls be gentle!

My dh's brother and his wife had a baby boy four days ago. She said she had a lovely birth and was out of hospital the next day.

We visited them yesterday at home and sil was bottle feeding. Now, I don't give a shit how people feed their children, I don't have any kids (am pg)But I got quite upset because her ds kept trying to breastfeed from her. He was refusing the bottle and kept nuzzling into her chest. Her breasts were leaking as well and she told me she was hand expressing and chucking it away. I asked her why she didnt give it to her ds and she told me that she doesn't want him to get used to breast milk. He had the formula milk then vomited it back up five minutes later. He was really crying and it made me feel awful when he was turning his head to her breast and opening his mouth.

She then went on to tell me that he hasn't even had colostrum because it was too much of a faff to get him to latch on. Colostrum is the important stuff right?

Why do I feel so upset about this? I felt her ds was doing something so instinctive and she should at least have tried to breastfeed. I understand that some women have great difficulty breastfeeding and formula is a more than adequate alternative but at least try and do it.

Aibu?

Breastfeeding your kids until they're 20 for all I care, but don't try to pretend it's doing them any good. We are the only species on the planet that bothers giving mother's milk to its young once they are weaned.

Last I heard the rest of the animal kingdom wasn't being heavily influenced by advertising and interfering health visitors.

Razzle How exactly would a 6 month old survive on what probably amounts to a couple of spoons of mashed carrot & half a banana a day?

but razzle the WHO said till they're TWO. TWO do you hear me? And if you don't then you are a BAD mother (although there are scales of this based on illness, need to work, whether you TRIED HARD ENOUGH, whether you got THE RIGHT SUPPORT or not etc etc).

infestationoflannisters - what an amazing woman you are

a truly humbling post x

We're also the only species that has to care for our offspring for an extended period of time - like 18 years plus!

Gosh I didn't expect that hairfulofsnakes, thank you

really razzle? you think that there are no benefits to giving a baby beyond six months breastmilk????

do you give your children milk? if formula more beneficial than breastmilk then is that why you would choose that over breastmilk after weaning even though there is information and research out there that states how beneficial bm is - i can certainly see how it is for my toddler - much better than any formula or cows milk

that one of the most ignorant things i have read on here if that is what you think and you obviously haven't read about all the benefits it continues to give into toddlerhood

and pomme - its not about stating it to make people feel bad, it is just amazing how ignorant some people are and how desparate some are to dispute the goodness of breastmilk

infestation - are you a fan of game of thrones?!!!!

I really think your story is amazing - my son is awful at sleeping but it sounds very hard going in your house with the lack of sleep

x

FULLY weaned. I don't know any two year olds who eat only half a mashed carrot a day.

Snakehair - where did I mention 6 months?

if there are people out there who dont know about the importance of breastmilk after six months that is up to them. i bothered to find out and it can and does make a lot of difference - when it comes to protecting against gastroenteritis, helps with teething, eczema, asthma, giving antibodies, protection against diabetes and even certain cancers is increased

and the enjoyment and bond for the child

health benefits for mum

and on and on

there is a lof of benefits to extended bf which is why i carry on

ok razzle - sorry i thought you meant six months, my mistake

sorry

Yes hairfullofsnakes it is my new obsession. Watched the television adaptation, and have just started the second book.

You're welcome to PM or add me on Google+

Having DS diagnosed as autistic helped because we had tried everything, even everything on the extensive MN threads. After dx, looking at the SN boards wesuddenly realised that it wasn't our fault and that the sleeplessness was very common.

Personal choice, I haven't bf after the age of one the same as I didn't give my ff baby a bottle after one that's just my choice, dome people choose to do both for longer

I have however commuted the sin of all sins and weened my baby's before 6 months ( when I had the first the recommended age to wean was 4 months tho! )

Some people and committed even, bloody iPhone!

My babies began to be weaned at 4 months :( it was what was recommended during the war back then. I wish, wish, wish that i'd stuck to my guns and not bothered til 6 months.

Infestationof Lannisters. You really are a superstar, i admire your dedication immensely.

Why do you wish you'd waited till 6 months?

I actually realised after posing you probably meant fully weaned (meant to be working so not fully thinking). I'm still confused about why you think it doesn't do any good. Surely it still contains vitamins, calcium, iron, fats etc. It's still good for them.

why have so many of the earlier messages on here been deleted? I read the thread yesterday and there din't seem to be anything deletable?

Lovesicecream Because they were growing beautifully and thriving, they didn't need sodding babyrice, carrots or broccoli. As soon as i started weaning they both developed eczema.

I ff dd, I had no choice she was slowly starving as my milk didn't come in. It was not a relaxing bonding experience. Trying for hours at a time to get her to latch on only for her to pull away screaming in distress and frustration at not getting anything out of me. Watching her suffer from clinical signs of dehydration was not a relaxing or comforting experience for either of us. Do I feel guilty, of course I do. Still get suicidal thoughts from the guilt 6 years later.

I plan to try a bf this baby but you know what I can promise to try very hard,to put everything into it. What I can't promise is that I I or my body won't fuck up again because my failure last time wasn't for lack of trying. It really distresses me to think I was and would be judged so harshly if were to end up ff again.

razzle I read your post way back and its comments to it and it made me feel for you so badly.As some of you may know I volunteer with families of premature babies,for support and back up when they get home.

I was at a home this afternoon of a 19 year old woman who has just brought her DS home on oxegen and tube fed.I was dropping over a buggy oxegan clip bag.He was born at 25 weeks and has been left with a degree of brain damage after several bleeds.The extent of which will become apparent as he grows.
Here we are sniping about breasts and bottles and there is a mother just happy her baby is alive.A mother who will finally put her baby to bed tonight,after waiting for seven months.Its a harsh lesson in perspective.

I dont think anyone judges people who try and give it a go. The judging is reserved for people who make a decision not to even attempt it.