To feel upset about sil not breastfeeding?

[wheelygirl]

hi, new here so pls be gentle!

My dh's brother and his wife had a baby boy four days ago. She said she had a lovely birth and was out of hospital the next day.

We visited them yesterday at home and sil was bottle feeding. Now, I don't give a shit how people feed their children, I don't have any kids (am pg)But I got quite upset because her ds kept trying to breastfeed from her. He was refusing the bottle and kept nuzzling into her chest. Her breasts were leaking as well and she told me she was hand expressing and chucking it away. I asked her why she didnt give it to her ds and she told me that she doesn't want him to get used to breast milk. He had the formula milk then vomited it back up five minutes later. He was really crying and it made me feel awful when he was turning his head to her breast and opening his mouth.

She then went on to tell me that he hasn't even had colostrum because it was too much of a faff to get him to latch on. Colostrum is the important stuff right?

Why do I feel so upset about this? I felt her ds was doing something so instinctive and she should at least have tried to breastfeed. I understand that some women have great difficulty breastfeeding and formula is a more than adequate alternative but at least try and do it.

Aibu?

Hairfullofsnakes have a and lighten up :)

YABU but I would have felt sad seeing the baby try to latch on too.

"I didn't find that at all, quite the opposite in fact."

paperbank, you were lucky to get good care then I think :)

But small babies try to nibble on everyone's jumper, I think that is just a reflex. However, I am amazed that this threat is still going on and so many try to defend bottlefeeding. I think it should be the other way round, bf being the normal way of feeding a baby and then there are some who don't for whatever reason.

What is this book people keep mentioning, surly people don't need to read a book to beable to tell everyone they will bf for as long as they like?

I've never come across any judgement in rl either with my decision to bf or to ff and noone tried telling me when to stop or to change to formula or looked down on me for bf/ ff do I live in another universe?

I think you live in the same universe as me, lovesicecream

Its called RL

Actually that's not quite true I did come across some judgyness last time when I expressed to bottle feed I got it's making your life more difficult why not do one or the other and just try the breast again, mw

It does annoy me that people seem to think that because they've never experienced criticism of BF that it doesn't happen or that those who have aren't living in 'RL'.

I've experienced it a number of times and DS is only 6 months. A friend who isn't even a mother told me it was pointless & disgusting. Numerous family members told me not to bother from the start as I'd just tire myself out & what was wrong with formula. My own mother constantly asks me if I'm sure my milk is enough, am I sure I shouldn't be topping him up with formula. I've even had professional people i.e. GPs & nurses tell me that now DS is 6 months I should give him follow on formula.

People are quick to believe that FF are judged all the time why not BF?

I've never seen a ff judged either

klad i think it is you who needs to lighten up after all im not the one making silly, insecure and defensive jokes and statements about bf

never mind, up to you anyhow

all this defensiveness is rather amusing in a way

Me neither but that doesn't mean I don't believe people when they say it's happened to them.

smilingandwaving - i know what you mean, i have had some really ignorant comments from some people about the fact i still bf my dc who is nearly two. reeling off the benefits to my child and asking them if they really think that cow's milk is better for her than my milk usually shuts them up!

How you feed your child is the first in a long line of decisions you will make for them that will be judged by others, you have to develope a thick skin! After all who cares what others think of your choices as long as your happy with them

that is very true loveicecream - i may have passionate views on bf but i don't expect others to agree if they have other views - but it is almost as if on here it is not allowed - to be passionate about bf and state that it is great etc

but hey ho, each to their own, i still feel women should bf if they can and give their babies the benefits of breast milk where possible

Hairfullofsnakes Have another one, the first didn't work.

you really are insecure aren't you?

Yep. Have another

It's an individual Women's choice whether she Breast Feeds or not.
Breast or Bottle. Neither is right.
It's the choice that works for both the mother and child.
The minute that women stop bashing each other over their individual choices is the day we get out of the playground; and the mentality that accompanies it.

Of course I know people are going to judge me on how I parent & it doesn't bother me what people say now (although it's hard to be thick skinned when you're a first time mum with a 2 week old).

My post was more in response to people like eurochick & razzelbathbone who seem to be suggesting that it doesn't happen to those who BF.

lmao

off to bf my child

and then off to buy some biscuits

ha ha ha ha

me too smilingand waving, bf is one of the best things i have ever done

I also experienced pressure to give formula. Not from HCPs, but from friends and family.

"How do you know he's getting enough?"
"So how many bottles a day is he having now? What? You're still feeding him at TWO MONTHS OLD? Ugh"
"He can't exsist on nothing but breastmilk for six months"
"You won't make enough for him, he's a big boy and there's nothing of you"

It does happen.

I Bf'd my DD exclusively for 20 months. A lot of my friends from NCT couldn't do it. Not through lack of help or support.
It's support it isn't about a bashing and shoving your nose in it.
Sometimes it just doesn't happen.
Saying you're disappointed won't help. Keep you're judgements to yourself.

I'm autistic (like my son) with sensory issues and yes it does feel massively unpleasant having anyone touch my breasts or nipples. During the later parts of the three, almost four years that DS has been BF I have frequently wished that I could have had a double mastectomy.

I would have welcomed it. As well as the wish for a minor car-accident which necessitated a short stay in hospital, because he has never slept through the night in four years. He sleeps like a newborn. Four years of that. Imagine.

I can hardly bear to put a bra on and when DH touches them I have to bite back a scream unless I have had something to drink.

I am still convinced about the normality of BF and I would try to do it again, but I just wanted to put forward the opinion of someone who has persevered beyond six months, though every tooth my son has had, scrape, scrape, scrape for EVERY TOOTH but who can see that sometimes it isn't the best thing.

Its the best way to keep Mil's out.