To feel upset about sil not breastfeeding?

[wheelygirl]

hi, new here so pls be gentle!

My dh's brother and his wife had a baby boy four days ago. She said she had a lovely birth and was out of hospital the next day.

We visited them yesterday at home and sil was bottle feeding. Now, I don't give a shit how people feed their children, I don't have any kids (am pg)But I got quite upset because her ds kept trying to breastfeed from her. He was refusing the bottle and kept nuzzling into her chest. Her breasts were leaking as well and she told me she was hand expressing and chucking it away. I asked her why she didnt give it to her ds and she told me that she doesn't want him to get used to breast milk. He had the formula milk then vomited it back up five minutes later. He was really crying and it made me feel awful when he was turning his head to her breast and opening his mouth.

She then went on to tell me that he hasn't even had colostrum because it was too much of a faff to get him to latch on. Colostrum is the important stuff right?

Why do I feel so upset about this? I felt her ds was doing something so instinctive and she should at least have tried to breastfeed. I understand that some women have great difficulty breastfeeding and formula is a more than adequate alternative but at least try and do it.

Aibu?

Report all you like, thats how I feel about people who push their extremist views upon others as if its normal, it isnt.

YABU. None of your business. When it's your turn you can do it however you please!

Ok, perhaps I should have said that trying to persuade people to bf who clearly do not want to, despite having all the information, is a lost cause rather than saying that the people are a lost cause - I will admit that it was badly worded and I apologise if it caused offense.

and bubbley the thing is as you well know its an internet forum and people read into post, they dont necessarily twist posts but its very hard NOT to pick up on a tone in many of your posts which makes them come across as patronising.

promote bfeeding, thats great, i have supported many of my own friends to bfeed, but maybe look at your posting style if you want to come across in a less aggressive manner :)

I actually haven't gone on to much about bf on this thread - I've been defending myself against people who are twisting my words and trying to clarify what I mean.

thankyou for your apology bubbley :)

bimbo it is offensive to call them militant to compare them to religious extemists is hugely offenisve! and thankfully most muslims are not like that anyway! and its tantamount to bordering on racism and is inflamatory to suggest that they are.

Hmmmm - I suppose it depends what you mean by aggressive really. Personally I find swearing and hurling insults much more aggressive....

I disagree with bimbo's sentiment, but bubbly and others, surely you can see that if you cause that sort of reaction (and milder reactions from other posters) it possibly means you are coming on a bit strong. Fair enough, you have a right to your opinion, but you are doing a real disservice to BFing mothers everywhere, as it is then assumed we all have such extreme opinions.

I didnt say most muslims were like that- I pointed out they were in the minority if you actually read what I wrote rather than making a point of being offended for the sake of it....its not racist to mention extremists because thats what they are- okay if I compare militant breastfeeders banging on about everyone should breastfeed to the national front would I then be racist against white people? Or am I being racist against breastfeeders? Or breastist?

I'm not going to keep quoting what you said, your clearly going to just ignore the fact that you said it!

To the op maybe your sil was finding it difficult to comfort her baby with so many people in the room passing him around and if your post is anything to go by judging her every move

It's not always as simple as to say the baby was rooting and getting distressed even bf babies can become distressed to the point where breast feeding won't pacify them.

It can be difficult as a first time mum trying to do what you feel is best for your baby knowing that the people around you could be thinking your not doing it right my mil still insists on telling me I should hold my babies head even though he's perfectly capable of holding up his own head, she also insists on holding him like a newborn which he hates then when he screams at her she blames it on wind not that he wants to sit up like we keep telling her!

There will be times after your baby is born when it will cry and you will find it difficult to make it stop. My sis baby was a screamer she cryed, rooted and was inconsolable for hours every day , no amount of bf would stop her crying and none of us could get her to stop once she started

Many Muslim extremists believe Sharia law should be implemented in the UK. That Western women are lesser beings, that we as a society are corrupt and immoral. They are also entitled to their views but like a few of the pro bfeeders on here they are very narrow minded and hurtful views.

yes swearing and hurling insults is much more aggressive, but the way you do at times go on a bit can also seem aggressive, there are levels of aggressiveness, i agree with faverolles, you come on a bit strong on many occasions, i am simply saying its just something to bare in mind :)

Ok, can someone give me an example of my 'extreme' opinion here? Or does anyone who speaks up about bf immediately get bundled into the category of being 'militant' and 'extremist'.

having read back i realise you said the minority but it IS still offensive to compare anyone to religious extremists and its inflamatory.

lovesicecream - how can I deny it if you quote it? It's quite clear what I was saying if you read my posts together - you are just choosing to read them out of context and quote parts of them that make it look like I'm saying something different.

not anyone, and its not when you say the one thing bubbley its the continued repeating and arguing a point ie the mum whose baby needed the dairy free bmilk, you went on about that quite a bit. it wasnt necessary, the bmilk she could have used wasnt and istn available so quite simply going on that it would have been 'best' is tiring and seems aggressive simply because it wasnt a REALISTIC or viable alternative.

does that help? :)

by not anyone, i mean not any ONE post! its the culmination of your posts and the style of them :)

You just bang on and on and on Bubbley, in every single debate about this issue. It gives you the label of an obsessive to be fair, ive yet to see a bf thread where you have NOT given your twopennethworth and same old quotes time and time again

Bumbley - Tiktok on the BFing boards is a fine example of someone who has the right balance. She gives advice where it is needed/wanted and gives facts without coming across as patronising or critical to those who do not/cannot BFeed.
I imagine her approach is far more effective.
An extreme opinion is fine, but voicing it on a thread like this is usually a recipe for disaster.

exactly fave!! tiktok is a good example and i said as much to bubbley in an earlier post :)

Bubbly I have learned from long experience here on mn that continuing to defend the view that bf is worthwhile and important in response to repeated posts that it doesn't matter and makes no difference to babies, will ALWAYS earn you the label of 'fanatic' no matter how you express yourself. The simple act of continuing to argue is seen as evidence that you're a wrong'un.

I just think it's misleading to use the word 'best' about something when there are better alternatives - even if they are not available.

" studies contradict the idea that bf contributes to PND, why are you allowed to say it does contribute to it but I'm not aloud to say it doesn't incase I hurt your feelings"

This to me is you saying it doesn't contribute

Were am I reading it out of context

Just because you quoted earlier on that studies have shown that Women who bf are less likely to suffer PND doesn't take away from the fact that later on you posted the above rubbish

I think you're right spud - now I'm being accused of voicing extreme opinions and banging on about bf when I think I've actually said very little about bf itself and spent most of my time trying to defend myself against things I haven't even said! :)

well if something isnt actually available then its not best by virtue of NOT being available :)

and i wouldnt use the words militant or extremist etc in relation to bfeeding AT ALL ever, its not ok, ditto with the nazi crap that gets spouted.

having a strong view, offering support etc all GOOD, its just the tone and the way in which you present your arguments :)

tiktok is a GOOD example of how to go about doing it :)