To feel upset about sil not breastfeeding?

[wheelygirl]

hi, new here so pls be gentle!

My dh's brother and his wife had a baby boy four days ago. She said she had a lovely birth and was out of hospital the next day.

We visited them yesterday at home and sil was bottle feeding. Now, I don't give a shit how people feed their children, I don't have any kids (am pg)But I got quite upset because her ds kept trying to breastfeed from her. He was refusing the bottle and kept nuzzling into her chest. Her breasts were leaking as well and she told me she was hand expressing and chucking it away. I asked her why she didnt give it to her ds and she told me that she doesn't want him to get used to breast milk. He had the formula milk then vomited it back up five minutes later. He was really crying and it made me feel awful when he was turning his head to her breast and opening his mouth.

She then went on to tell me that he hasn't even had colostrum because it was too much of a faff to get him to latch on. Colostrum is the important stuff right?

Why do I feel so upset about this? I felt her ds was doing something so instinctive and she should at least have tried to breastfeed. I understand that some women have great difficulty breastfeeding and formula is a more than adequate alternative but at least try and do it.

Aibu?

Hahahaha @ Milamae.

Riven if you read back, my questions are directed at people who "choose" ff

Unbelievable. Fucking unbelievable. A woman talks honestly and clearly emotionally about her serious PND; a condition that hospitalised her and made her suicidal - and says the difficulty with BF contributed to that and people do the 'rolly eye' thing, implying they disbelieve her and call her aggressive.

A bad bad day on MN.

Toddlerwranger - fucking ignor them.

This has made me properly angry.

I chose to ff so thats me then alouiseg, Ive been told this is a "bad decision" - apologies if it wasnt you but it has been said.

Wow razzle - why so angry? I'd be very interested in reading your studies that fm is equivalent to bm. I've certainly never seen any and I'm pretty sure if they did actually show that then formula companies would have them published anywhere. I'm glad your children are healthy but on an epidemiological level, ff babies are more likely to suffer from certain illnesses etc. This does not mean that ALL ff babies will suffer from them or that NO bf babies will suffer from them which I think is what you are trying to say your anecdotes disprove.

toddlerwrangler - absolutely!

The pressure to breastfeed and guilt forced upon me for not wanting to -Yes! - hating it and just not wanting to, was instrumental in the PND which saw me sectioned and admitted to a psychiatric unit. Idiotic midwives with myopic delusions, snide comments. You name it.

Perhaps it was a self-fulfilling prophecy - being a 'lost cause' and all. I mean if I was that lost maybe they should have left me to fucking die.

But I'm so glad I got to have my second baby. Nobody bonded with a baby better than I did with him. I ff him from the start and we are still thriving and bonded to the hilt, two years on.

"ifancyashandy
Unbelievable. Fucking unbelievable. A woman talks honestly and clearly emotionally about her serious PND; a condition that hospitalised her and made her suicidal - and says the difficulty with BF contributed to that and people do the 'rolly eye' thing, implying they disbelieve her and call her aggressive."

Yes for all the fights debates Ive seen here about bf/ff this has hit a new low eh. Thats what people should feel sad about, rather than being "sad" about a woman feeding her baby formula.

DuckDodgers, yes I'd love to know why. I'd love an honest straightforward answer rather the reams of excuses that I always get on here.

salad - can you not see the difference between 'the best' and the 'only thing available'? I realise that supplies are limited but I do know women who were given donated milk for their non -premmie babies because they were having problems establishing bf - it's always worth asking. Many people don't even realise that it's an option.

Yes Toddler ignore them and comfort yourself with the thought that bf loons generally just hangout online as they can spout their shite and bully behind a computer screen.

We all know if any mother was to come out with half the shite I've seen on here re any area of parenting down at the local toddler group they'd get short thrift.

Thank god for RL.

bubblemummy - see my above post about why I'm so fucking angry!

Calling me a lost cause. After what I've been through. You have no idea what my kind of angry feels like. I almost lost my life and my baby because of pressure to breastfeed.

Epidemiological level! Fuck off.

You sound very empathetic OP and it's good you'll be in this little fellow's life - maybe your and her little baby will grow up to be bestie friends cousins?

It's not the end of the world to be bottlefed - you will have a choice about that: maybe you SIL needs a little help to get restarted? Maybe suggest she feeds her baby the expressed stuff she's chucking away? Maybe suggest the baby will have fewer colds and will sleep better if he's fed breastmilk and is well?

good luck with your pregnancy and you own journey

Absolutely. I've been reading the thread from the beginning and really dint see any BF bashing. But plenty of FF bashing. But those two posts reached a real low.

Way to go the Sisterhood and, you know, just supporting the choices of others.

"I don't have any kids (am pg)"

come back here when you have just given birth, feel like you have been in a carcrash (happens despite a lovely birth- and she will have kindly told you that it was lovely to offer you a degree of compassion and not to scare you) and have ten visitors around and let us into your valuable insights and expertise about babies then.

Sigh..twisting of words. If you were't interested in bf then no, you shouldn't have been forced. Where have I said you should be? In fact, my 'lost cause' comment means that you should be left alone because you have made your decision and resources would be better spent on people who actually do want to bf and are struggling.

Sorry if I have dragged up bad memories for anyone who had an experience like mine.

ifancyashandy - honestly, the eye rolling attitudes got me to where I was. I just laugh at people like that now, and fight to support mums to feed however they see fit, as long as that desision is based on a fully informed choice.

Happy mum = happy baby? Not always.
Miserable mum = happy baby? Ask yourselves with the judgy pants on that question.

i couldnt breast feed to start of with because i was on duiretics, was advised against it, then he was very very ill, the last thing on my mind was donated breast milk. he also was a poor feeder even on the bottle, and he has digestive problems so unless the donater is dairy free then formula is best for ds

I cant speak for anyone else alouiseg only for myself - Ive never gave an excuse, Ive always stated that I never wanted to bf - dont know why, Im intelligent (despite opinions here to the contrary ) enough to make an informed chocie with all 3 of my boys. I dont expect someone who is very passionate about bf to understand but thats honestly ok, I wish I could explain it better than I just didnt fancy doing it. Fortunately formula exists so there was an alternative to nourish my babies in the early days.

Ive never claimed its as good nutrionally as bm but to me it was just a small part of being a Mum. All my boys were weaned onto healthy nutritious food and to varying degrees still eat healthy, I just did what I thought best for my boys, rather than being miserable forced to try something I didnt want to do.

YANBU to feel sad. I also feel sad for babies who don't get put to the breast.

But try to not show it to your SIL. Ever..... Be kind.

salad - the only thing we are disagreeing on is the word 'best'. The 'best' thing for your son would be donated dairy free bm, the only option is dairy free formula - that does not make it the best.

Thank you DuckDodgers. I appreciate the lack of excuses.

It's not twisting of words bumbleymummy - it's you using a very, very poor choice of words.

Shameful thread this. A real new low.

bumbleymummy, your obsession with proving that Salad has not done the best for her baby is quite bizarre. yes, it would be wonderful if there was a 6month+ supply of dairy free donated breast milk available to people in such a position, but since it isnt then the best thing to be done was to give her formula, it cant be worse than the only actual alternative, which would be to not feed the baby.

but you are placing your opinion on the product, im placing mine on the logical option best option is for something that is obtainable. donated dairy free bm is something that just isnt available

''Thank you DuckDodgers. I appreciate the lack of excuses.''

Al0uiseG why do you think people have 'excuses'? do you believe that there are ever simply 'reasons' why people have ff?