To feel upset about sil not breastfeeding?

[wheelygirl]

hi, new here so pls be gentle!

My dh's brother and his wife had a baby boy four days ago. She said she had a lovely birth and was out of hospital the next day.

We visited them yesterday at home and sil was bottle feeding. Now, I don't give a shit how people feed their children, I don't have any kids (am pg)But I got quite upset because her ds kept trying to breastfeed from her. He was refusing the bottle and kept nuzzling into her chest. Her breasts were leaking as well and she told me she was hand expressing and chucking it away. I asked her why she didnt give it to her ds and she told me that she doesn't want him to get used to breast milk. He had the formula milk then vomited it back up five minutes later. He was really crying and it made me feel awful when he was turning his head to her breast and opening his mouth.

She then went on to tell me that he hasn't even had colostrum because it was too much of a faff to get him to latch on. Colostrum is the important stuff right?

Why do I feel so upset about this? I felt her ds was doing something so instinctive and she should at least have tried to breastfeed. I understand that some women have great difficulty breastfeeding and formula is a more than adequate alternative but at least try and do it.

Aibu?

oh gawd, here comes the passive aggressive

great for who sovery?

Yes over the past 6 months Ive read them all, as a matter of fact all 3 of my boys are healthy - why is this undermining people who bf? Unlike some on this thread I dont really care how other Mums feed their children and would never be rude to someone who has chosen to bf. Again unlike some who have called people like me - selfish, stupid, less maternal making a bad decision etc etc.

Haven't finished the whole thread yet sovery - so you could be right. It would be a first though!

I think it's funny! The most defensive posts I've ever read are from bf mothers! They feel they have to justifiy how wonderful bf is by slating ff, ive seen it all on posts, not bf = selfish mother, bm is better what ever the circumstances, you don't bond as well if not bf, you are denying your baby what is rightfully theirs, you think more of yourself than the baby etc etc, I have only heard ff mothers retaliating for being called bad mothers!

As I've already said I've done both and can't say that the benefits of one out weigh the other! All babies are different as are all mothers!

To look at my children now you wouldn't even be able to tell who was bf and who wasn't, bf and ff count for such a small part of a child's life it's ridiculous to think your choice was better than someone else's ! Much better to worry about getting a healthy balanced diet down them after the ff/ bf months as this can be where slot of problems start!

Sovery you must have missed MilaMae's post at 19:33:10. If that isn't bf bashing then what is it?

so stating a fact that your child is healthy from formula is now undermining breast feeding?

oh gosh, people are harsh! - i say very YANBU for having a heart! Its hard to be a witness to a difficult situation but there isn't much you can do in the way of other peoples children. All you can do is make sure your LO when he/she comes along has the best that YOU can do for him/her.

I would have felt the same as you.

Great post Loves.

Couldn't have put it better myself(a mummy who has also done both).

bumbleymummy

"also a ridiculous comment about husbands who don't bottlefeed being workaholics who take no interest in their babies... I suppose you've just proved my previous point thoug"

Haha - well guess you havent read the thread then - its you who looks ridiculous now, not my quote..........I was quoting alouseg - it was she that actually said that about her husband - I was just quoting her

No bubbley I think duck was referring to this:

Add message | Report | Message poster Al0uiseG Sun 17-Jul-11 18:59:56

Mine are teenagers now and they were only 17 months apart, it was hard and i was tired, I also had a workaholic husband building a business who did very little domestically or with the babies. Its relentless but its not brain surgery, how hard can it be to love and care for your own child and be happy about it.

sovery - was your baby unable to drink bm or were you unable to feed? That may sound like a horrible question but if it was a case of you not being able to feed then it wasn't that ff was best for the baby it was just that there was no alternative.

duckdodgers :o

Thank you jazzie.

well I did actually say that I hadn't finished it duckdog...apologies if I offended you. Perhaps if you are quoting someone you could use these: "" It might save a bit of confusion :)

The only benifit i know of is that is cheep and makes mums body back to normal quicker. :)
I was terrible sick throughout my pg so when i gave birth i lost alot of weight as the little food i could keep down my little girl stole lol :)

Apology accepted, but I do know how to quote, I just didnt want to at that point - I think it would have diluted the post and would ahve made sense to anyone who had read alousieg original post.

Again I will say I am not in the slightest bit defensive about my decision to ff but I do get a bit irked at getting called weird, not maternal, less intelligent - those type of things really.

Well I haven't called you any of those things so I'm not really sure why you're calling me ridiculous but hey, if it helps you feel better.... :)

And that comment was in retaliation to the post re my obviously jiggling my babies and making no eye contact because I don't enjoy the early days.

I was simply pointing out that being obsessed with newborns aint always a good thing. The assumption being that if you don't enjoy the first few weeks you're a bad parent.That only good parents adore newborns.

To be frank that was the post that upset me the most.I've lost count of the friends I know who found the first weeks shite. Bullying women into pretending they're having a non stop babymoon during the first few days is a surefire route to PND.Women are under enough pressure as it is.

Women should be able to discuss what they find tough during motherhood particularly during the first few weeks.That is after all what Mumsnet is for.

I haven't read the whole thread, but OP I think YANBU to feel sad for the baby - I would have felt the same.

But I also think it is totally a mother's choice as to how she feeds her baby. Not everyone will do things the way I do them.

Sovery - In your case formula was the best thing for your baby.