To feel upset about sil not breastfeeding?

[wheelygirl]

hi, new here so pls be gentle!

My dh's brother and his wife had a baby boy four days ago. She said she had a lovely birth and was out of hospital the next day.

We visited them yesterday at home and sil was bottle feeding. Now, I don't give a shit how people feed their children, I don't have any kids (am pg)But I got quite upset because her ds kept trying to breastfeed from her. He was refusing the bottle and kept nuzzling into her chest. Her breasts were leaking as well and she told me she was hand expressing and chucking it away. I asked her why she didnt give it to her ds and she told me that she doesn't want him to get used to breast milk. He had the formula milk then vomited it back up five minutes later. He was really crying and it made me feel awful when he was turning his head to her breast and opening his mouth.

She then went on to tell me that he hasn't even had colostrum because it was too much of a faff to get him to latch on. Colostrum is the important stuff right?

Why do I feel so upset about this? I felt her ds was doing something so instinctive and she should at least have tried to breastfeed. I understand that some women have great difficulty breastfeeding and formula is a more than adequate alternative but at least try and do it.

Aibu?

What an ignorant, narrow-minded and insulting comment, yoodle. Do you feel the same about adoptive parents, who may not have known their children until they were older?

yoodle - stop using inflammatory word like "not maternal"

It gets right on my tits

I FF 2 of mine on my tod with no help from anyone during the night.
DD3 dad done all the night feeds as i was ill, i havent got any less of a bond with her than the other 2. I have also never suffered from PND with any of them.

[rolly eyes emoticon] bf my son sent me crazy, i had terrible PND and we had zero bond for a very long time and stopping BF made a vast improvement to both of us. i chose to stop BF dd because i could feel the same feelings coming and i shat myself. i wasnt prepared to sacrifice our relationship and my sanity to the 'breast is best' mantra. i did regret that decision and tried to reintroduce bf for many weeks, but she wasnt interested. ultimately i made the right choice though as i didnt want to feel that way and i stomped on it. bf can be lovely and bonding and close etc but there's more than one way to skin a cat. telling other people they arent as maternal or close to their children as you is rude. how do you know? because they arent glued to their children? you dont have to be to prove you love them.

I think it's a good thing for others to feed the baby. The baby will surely then share thr bonding experiences with father, grandparents etc as well as the mother. A good thing! And also good for the mum who went away for a week - although it wouldn't have been my choice - the baby was cared for, that's the main thing.

OP yanbu, id Feel the same tbh

Wheely, I can't be arsed to read all of the other posts but I bet you got it in the neck

The situation which you have described would have upset me too. I find it weird to see new babies drinking cows milk from a bottle, particularily if the mum is chucking perfectly good species specific milk down the drain .
It seems that it is fine to defend FF, but when you defend the right of a baby to BM you are seen as smug and judgey...
Well, this is me right now --->

So flame me.

yoodle - out of interest - how many children do you have and how old?

I read that the more judgemental the mother in regards to others not breast feeding the more likely that her children will turn out to be nightmare teenagers

"I loath the newborn stage with it's mewling,non stop hollering and devouring of boobs.It was pretty much the most hideous thing I've experienced of motherhood to date."

I made that comment in response to the above, I found that shocking and upsetting.

I am not judging mothers on their choice of feeding, I've already made that clear. Bf does encourage bonding - fact! But only of course if you are enjoying feeding your child.

This is nothing to do with adopting I am talking here about the early weeks, you can bond with a child at any age with just your love. I hate it when peopel on here start stretching your comments and referring to something you were not even talking about.

Why can someone on here not talk positively about bf without being attacked. I will say what I want and if you feel upset by it then it is your issue. I have not swore at anyone. I only made one dig MilaMae because of her nasty comment about newborns.

Just so you know how annoying it is when your statements are taken out of context, ho do you think women who are desperate to have a baby would feek after reading her comment?

wheelygirl yanbu although i am not suprised that you have got a pasting!
actually i would have felt the same as you but would not have said anything about feeding at all.

Yoodle- I'm irritated by mums who think that without them ( and them alone) the baby will not be cared for properly. This kind of control freakishness pushes dads and extended family away. NOT a good thing IMO.

I would feel the same OP (haven't read all the thread digressions)
Don't care how U it is of me.
I'd have to avoid her for a while to get over it.

i do not judge you about your feeding choices, i could not feed twins. i am not talking about anything in your life, i dont even know you, i am commenting on your nasty comment so get a grip all of you!

You're talking out of your arse Yoodle.

It's not mandatory to love newborns.For many of it's a shock and simply not that enjoyable-even those of us that have longed for a baby and all but given up hope.

Sorry but really non stop pooing,screaming,boob mincing,sleep deprivation-I'm amazed anybody can hand on heart say they love it.I certainly didn't and I'm not ashamed to admit it.