To feel upset about sil not breastfeeding?

[wheelygirl]

hi, new here so pls be gentle!

My dh's brother and his wife had a baby boy four days ago. She said she had a lovely birth and was out of hospital the next day.

We visited them yesterday at home and sil was bottle feeding. Now, I don't give a shit how people feed their children, I don't have any kids (am pg)But I got quite upset because her ds kept trying to breastfeed from her. He was refusing the bottle and kept nuzzling into her chest. Her breasts were leaking as well and she told me she was hand expressing and chucking it away. I asked her why she didnt give it to her ds and she told me that she doesn't want him to get used to breast milk. He had the formula milk then vomited it back up five minutes later. He was really crying and it made me feel awful when he was turning his head to her breast and opening his mouth.

She then went on to tell me that he hasn't even had colostrum because it was too much of a faff to get him to latch on. Colostrum is the important stuff right?

Why do I feel so upset about this? I felt her ds was doing something so instinctive and she should at least have tried to breastfeed. I understand that some women have great difficulty breastfeeding and formula is a more than adequate alternative but at least try and do it.

Aibu?

I thought dentists prefer dummies to thumb sucking. Mine certainly did. although I fail to see how thumb sucking or dummy use can affect adult teeth unless they still use a dummy at 5+

MilaMae - I try to be perfect and I love cooking - but children also need to learn that nobody is perfect

Still, dummy sucking and thumb sucking both come second best to not doing either...

Sovery - on an individual level it doesn't. On a national level it does.

Alouise - everything I have done has been in the best interests of my children also. With dd I decided that giving myself a break and sorting out my mh problems so my child had a mother (I was depressed to the point of suicide at the time) was of more benefit to them in the long term than breastmilk. Had I realised my hormones would leave me so depressed I may have chosen not to have kids but what was done was done. You don't know everyones reasons for ffing or that they are selfish reasons.

Scientific consensus is that sleeping babies on their backs, settling them to sleep with a dummy once bfing is established and having children young are all better for baby and in the case of having your kids young also better for the mother.

Did you have pain relief in your labour Alouise?

I'm fairly certain it doesn't Soverylucky.

Well gabid. Breastfeeding dd on the hour wasn't helping me much psychologically. I have also heard people say that when they have been sexually abused they can't bear to breastfeed.

Also, yes- i believe that both dummy sucking and thumb sucking have an effect on teeth alignment even before first teeth show.

On that basis, breastfeeding must be far better for the developing palate than a rubber teat.

But benefits cancelled out by dummy sucking

"Wheeeeelly girl.
Oh Wheeeeeellllly girl. ". < echo>

Nah she's not answering

I screamed for the first four weeks of my life until my nana told the very pushy hv that I was starving and was going to be given a bottle, I was like a different child on ff and it was apparent to everyone that I had been hungry

So no bf is not always best for babies

There has been no problem with my first two children's teeth both their milk and adult teeth have been perfectly straight and they both had dummy's

I fail to see how how, Joric. Like I said before, opinions on the benefits of dummies, sleeping positions, thumb sucking change like the wind. The benefits of breastfeeding are undeniable.

Fwiw, jaw shape and tooth alignment appears to be affected by genetics over and above anything else - bar a punch in the mouth of course.

The point is Alouise, people have no right to say one person's way is better than another's. I for one may think it terrible that you allowed your baby to suck a dummy instead of comforting him/ her in other ways- I may think that the damage you could potentially do to the palate shouldn't be something a mother should risk. I actually don't think these things as I think that the majority of mothers do what is best for both baby and themselves .

Well not strictly true Alouise as my mum was advised to bottlefeed because babies 'come along better on it' apparently. And my mum's not THAT old.

Did you see my question asking whether you had pain relief in labour?

What I can see here is a lot of defensiveness about the way some people feel about bf. Of course elouiseG and others including myself have a right to talk about bf and how we feel about it. We haven't asked anyone to do as we do or attacked anyone we have simply stated how we feel. This kind of debate is always the same on mn

Lovesicecream... Same happened to my SIL- both she and baby were desparate until a sensible HV told her that she needed to FF. The difference was really noticeable but the first few weeks really set them back emotionally and SIL has unhappy memories of that time.

What people getting defensive when called selfish and disgusting? Who'd have thought it.

"Babies come along better on it" they grow quicker and get fatter.

During my first premature labour I had gas and air and some kind of local while they did the episiotomy and ventouse. Second labour was a rather unexpected home delivery, so no, no pain relief.

Joric- the jury is still out on dummies, it's not on breastfeeding.

Hairful - what you see as defensiveness is infact annoyance at people who are so evangelical in their opinion that they make other people feel bad in the process. As I said before, I BF for 3 years and I would not ever describe FF as second best.

You misunderstand science if you think there are ever definitive answers to anything. Do you think they will just stop conducting research into bfing now?I'm sure scientific reasearch will continue in the areas of both dummy usage and bfing.

OP - I would feel sad to witness that too.