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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I just don't want their dog here

450 replies

WinkyWinkola · 17/07/2011 11:18

Pil are coming to visit this weekend. They stay in a hotel as our house is too small to accommodate them.

Mil has this ancient dog that is blind and well, imo, ready to be put down. She wants to bring it with them. It will have to stay with us whilst they are in the hotel.

I don't want the dog here, especially not a disabled one that will probably poo and wee every where. We don't have a garden as it's currently a building site.

If I wanted a dog, I'd get one. I don't so I won't. I've got 3 dcs and that's really enough for me. Plus all the cooking and hospitality for pil this weekend - which of course I don't mind but I think bringing the dog is an imposition.

Aibu?

OP posts:
DogsBestFriend · 17/07/2011 12:22

You have every right not to have a dog in your home.

If your MIL is any decent type of dog owner she wouldn't leave him where he is unwanted anyway, poor creature. You do seem to be making a lot of judgement and assumptions about the dog - that he's going to soil the home, that he's "ready to be put down". Hmm

I'm a dog owner. I wouldn't bring my dogs to your house if you didn't want me to.

I wouldn't visit you at all, actually, because I think your comments about the dog are shitty.

chibi · 17/07/2011 12:22

weimy i was using bonkers in its colloquial sense, but, well, it is a bit narcissistic to expect to impose on people's hospitality, weimy, and then completely lacking in empathy to fail to see their point of view, particularly when they have offered viable alternatives

Kladdkaka · 17/07/2011 12:23

I'd tell your parents-in-law what you've said here. If I were them, I'd want to know because I wouldn't want to leave my elderly pet with someone with so little compassion.

HairyFrotter · 17/07/2011 12:24

I must admit I have seen some very ill dogs that have left me wondering whose needs are being met by the owners not having them pts. No evidence that the dog in this thread is that bad but keeping them going til the bitter end isn't always the kindest thing for the dog imo. And is more to do with the attachment of the owner.

Al0uiseG · 17/07/2011 12:24

Poor little dog :( if you're in North Essex I'll have him for the weekend. Blind dogs aren't a terrible problem, their first and most important sense is smell.

HairyFrotter · 17/07/2011 12:26

The OP has clarified that the dog has urinary incontinence - just so you know.

DogsBestFriend · 17/07/2011 12:26

lachesis, the RSPCA do not take in dogs from the public. Generally this is a bad thing.

In your case it's a godsend.

Even they have some morals.

triskaidekaphile · 17/07/2011 12:27

Agree with Domedon. If the dog comes your husband will be the one looking after it surely as it's his mum's dog, so why don't you let him sort it all out?

Signet2012 · 17/07/2011 12:28

why dont you say that although you would love to have their little dog, you worried that your not very good with animals and it may be unsettled and frightened without them being blind an alll, so seen as they have booked a hotel you and your DP will stay at the hotel they have booked and they can stay at your house over night oh and they have to keep the kids too but thats fine, cos they can get some lovely 1:1 time!

:)

DogsBestFriend · 17/07/2011 12:28

HairyFrotter, incontinent or not, the dog would be - and indeed is - welcome in this rescuer and fosterer's home.

weimy · 17/07/2011 12:30

I at no point said that that she should take the dog. In fact I said she should tell the mil she didn't want it there and have pointed out that I never expect people to take in me and my dogs as guests. So how do I fit into that narcissistic description?

As a dog owner I would never expect other people to look after my dogs and would never allow them to stay anywhere where they would be seen as an inconvenience.

FakePlasticTrees · 17/07/2011 12:32

If you don't want the dog to stay, then say no, tell your DH you don't want a dog in the house, if he can't tell his mother to make alternative arrangements, then you are going away for that weekend, you expect him to deal with it and if there is so much as one dog hair in your house when you get back, it's understood you'll be hiring a professional cleaner for the following day, and expect him to forward the bill to his parents.

I agree that this is a bit like the OP going to visit friends without DCs, staying in a Warner hotel/other 'adults only' hotel and expecting the people they are visiting to look after their DCs overnight. It's PIL's dog, their job to look after it.

HairyFrotter · 17/07/2011 12:32

But DBF. You are obviously a doggy person. The OP has no dogs - she doesn't want dogs and she shouldn't feel obliged to house other people's dogs. Having a no pet household filled with the aroma of dog, piss and dog hairs isn't an inviting prospect for most people. The PIL can have the dog stay with them in a hotel - surely this would be better for the dog as well - to be with people it knows and loves.

FakePlasticTrees · 17/07/2011 12:33

oh, and I like dogs, I just wouldn't be prepared to look after someone else's one.

summerfruitsalad · 17/07/2011 12:33

Winky, is there a pet hotel near you that the dog could go into so PIL could visit it when they want?

It's your house, your rules, if you don't want it there then tell them so and ask DH his reasons for letting it stay, if he has any. You will have to look after the dog in the evenings and mornings before PIL get to yours, have they asked you to do this as well or just asked to bring it? If you allow this visit, you'll never be able to decline another.

Will your MIL be willing to clean your carpets and furniture if it has any accidents? If not, then that is not on. I don't think you need to give them any more reasons than I don't want the dog in my house.

DogsBestFriend · 17/07/2011 12:33

I've only just spotted lachesis's suggestion that the "mangy old dog" should be killed.

How utterly vile. Surely only a very damaged, unpleasant person of the lowest morals and sickest mind could think of such a thing?

DogsBestFriend · 17/07/2011 12:36

HairyFrotter, I totally agree with you. I don't think that anyone should feel obliged to accommodate anyone else's dog (or children, come to that). If you don't like and/or want a creature there, canine or otherwise, that's your perogative. I'd feel like that if someone wanted to leave their small child in my care so I can see the OPs POV in that.

That doesn't mean that I like her attitude.

I wouldn't want to spend a moment of my time with someone who spoke of my dogs the way the OP speaks of MILs.

intelligenceitself · 17/07/2011 12:44

Shock at some of the responses here! Would anyone leave a child in a car if they were visiting someone who didn't like children? Er, no. Lots of "it's just a dog" mentality here. Dogs feel stress, confusion and fear just like humans do, as anyone who has owned a dog should know

FairhairedandFrustrated · 17/07/2011 13:11

I am a dog owner (we have two).

But I still wouldn't be happy if someone left their ill dog here with us, it's way too much responsibility and I wouldn't feel I had enough experience to deal with it.

DrGruntFotter · 17/07/2011 13:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

lachesis · 17/07/2011 13:38

Oh, yes, I'm right up there with Ian Huntly. Hmm

FFS.

Just say 'no', OP. 'I don't like dogs. Your dog is not welcome in my home.' Repeat until the message is received.

DorcasBouvier · 17/07/2011 13:40

I do think you should tell your MIL exactly how you feel. Then she probably won't want to leave the poor dog with you anyway. I know I wouldn't.

DogsBestFriend · 17/07/2011 13:40

lachesis, you're - no, I won't give you the pleasure of having anything I say deleted. You know what you are, I know it and the other posters know it too.

And it isn't nice.

As for the Huntley remark, speaking as someone who knew one of the girls' parents, that's disgraceful.

Sickening.

TidyDancer · 17/07/2011 13:43

DBF, if lachesis hasn't 'got it' by now, it won't ever be understood. There are some sick people in the world unfortunately.

lachesis · 17/07/2011 13:43

Get over yourself, Dogs. LOL. I love it when folk go all sanctimonious and self-righteous. OP, another thought, if she insists on leaving it with you. You could always take it walkies and relocate it. Just say something startled it and it legged it, that you tripped and when you looked up again it was away. Treat yourself to a film or a bit of a shop and pretend you were looking for it during that time.