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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off by the way my daughter's nursery worker just shouted at me....

118 replies

NotTooPissedOffButEnough · 11/07/2011 19:45

Ok, so I'm 3 months pregnant (which is no excuse), but I was reversing out of the front of the nursery and accidently scratched the side of her car. I know it's my fault. I know I did something wrong and bad and ruined her car. I 100% know that I made the mistake.

What I am pissed off about is the way she started shouting and swearing at me infront of my daughter and also infront of other people on the street. Then she started asking me for my insurance details, so I told her I don't have them to hand and I could go home and get them if she wanted them - to which she replied "You are not fucking leaving and goin home".....(Like I was really going to do a runner, and disappear off the face of the Earth, when I send my daughter to this nursery everyday Hmm)...All this infront of my daughter. All this infront of my daughter that she had spent the day looking after. She took my Licence plate number and phone number and I am sure my insurance will pay out to her. I am so shocked at the way this woman shouted at me infront of my daughter.
If it was out of nursery, I wouldn't have cared, but ON NURSERY GROUNDS, and she was still at work, and INFRONT OF MY DAUGHTER.

My daughter got scared and started crying on the way home asking me what happened and why X was shouting at me. Now she's telling me she doesn't like X. No one has ever shouted at me like this infront of her before. My husband and I never argue loudly infront of her, and she doesn't understand why the woman who cares for her during the day was shouting at me.

What should I do? I tried to phone the nursery to complain to the manager about her behaviour but no one was answering. What do you think? I know I made a mistake, but was she right to shout at me like this? I don't think she was seeing as she was still at work.

OP posts:
Original poster
NotTooPissedOffButEnough · 11/07/2011 19:47

I actually would really appreciate some advice about how to talk to the manager about her employee's ill behaviour on nursery grounds.

OP posts:
MummyTigger · 11/07/2011 19:50

I'd report her immediately. To use language like that in a place where she not only works but works with children?! And in front of your DD?! Absolutely incomprehensible. There's no call for it. I'd have her in front of her superiors first thing tomorrow.

Ditablue · 11/07/2011 19:50

Wow I can't believe she thought it was acceptable behaviour to yell and swear at you in front of your daughter that is entirely unprofessional and shocking. I would mke sure to have a word with her manager the next day about her behaviour and why she thinks it's acceptable to talk to a parent like that? Is she your daughter's key worker? Can you make sure she doesn't look after your DD? You are certainly withing your rights to ask and make sure to tell her boss she was swearing at you. shocked!!!

YellowDinosaur · 11/07/2011 19:51

Tell them exactly what you have said here. YANBU at all to be horrified at her behaviour. If I was her manager I would at the very least severly discipline her if not sack her.

She however is NBU to ensure that she has all your details. My dh recently has been totally stiffed by someone who reversed into him having stopped with no warning in the middle of an A road. They were very apologetic at the time but are now saying that it was his fault and he drove into them (no way is that possible when you see the damage). So if I were her, in that situation, even though I knew you and saw you every day, I would not be leaving the scene until I had photographic evidence, witness statements and the police had attended. But I would be polite about it which is the difference

hairfullofsnakes · 11/07/2011 19:52

That's disgusting of her. Ok so you had an accident but the way she spoke to you was unacceptable and unprofessional. I don't know how you can trust her with your daughter again tbh. You need to go there first thing tomorrow and speak to the manager and display your utter disgust at het behaviour - she nerds to apologise quick smart. Don't let this lie - she needs to be reprimanded for this.

cookcleanerchaufferetc · 11/07/2011 19:52

I would talk to the manager first thing in the morning. Explain what happened. Write down now what how the conversation went and try to inlcue as many specific words which she used and any actions, eg shouting, gesticulating, stepping in front of your face etc. What you did was wrong but it is not like you were in a position to drive off and never meet her again! She went ballastic in front of children which was wrong given her position. I would also point out to th emanager that the way she flared up so quickly despite having children in the close vicinity worries you when looking after your child.

I would take a photo of the scratch in the morning, if you haven't already, just to be on the safe side.

Original poster
NotTooPissedOffButEnough · 11/07/2011 19:53

Thank You....I knew I wasn't overreacting. She isn't her key worker, but she is in the same room helping. She scared my daughter and she was quiet all the way home. I am really worried about leaving my daughter there tomorrow.

OP posts:
Sparkletastic · 11/07/2011 19:53

Oh dear lord - since you obviously weren't trying to deny the accident (I had even worse spatial awareness - or lack of - when preggo if that's any comfort) then she was completely over-reacting. I would write the facts of the incident down and arrange a meeting with the nursery manager tomorrow.

RollingInTheAisles · 11/07/2011 19:54

Yanbu, I would leave a message with the nursery saying you want to speak to the manager. Make a list of your points that you want to make ( that you don't dispute the accident, that she swore at you, shouted, on nursery grounds and in front of your daughter and she's now scared of her etc).

Decide what you want to happen and clearly request it. Personally unless they could guarantee my child would never come in contact with her again I would remove my child.

Sparkletastic · 11/07/2011 19:54

How is nursery otherwise? If you are happy is there an option for your daughter to move rooms? Can't imagine you'll ever have a comfortable relationship with this person again...

dribbleface · 11/07/2011 19:54

erm as a nursery manager i would sack her! had my car damaged by a parent on a couple of occasions, would not dream of responding like that!

andiexpectopatronum · 11/07/2011 19:54

She was unprofessional but probably very pissed off. I had a vaguely similar incident where when heavily pregnant I parked in the school car park very early in the morning to drop ds1 off at breakfast club. A teacher drove in and started shouting at me to move my car as I wsn't allowed to park there etc. I e mailed the head saying that whilst I fully appreciated I shoudn't have been there I did not like the way she had spoken to me infront of ds as I had tried to bring him up to be polite and courteous at all times! The teacher e mailed me an apology.
She was wrong to speak to you in that manner especially in front of your daughter but if someone had scratched my car i would be pretty pissed off. I would ring the mager tomorrow and tell her what happened. Accept your part in it but explain how unhappy you were by her reaction and what your daughter is now saying.

SkivingAgain · 11/07/2011 19:55

I don't think she was right to shout at you, YANBU. I can understand that she might be upset at her car being damaged, but she sounds very unreasonable and arguably overreacted by shouting and swearing. The whole situation could and should have been handled with more dignity, it frightened your daughter and sounds like it really shook you up.

suzikettles · 11/07/2011 19:55

Wow. She's going to be in big trouble. That is totally unacceptable - what was she thinking?? It's not as if she wouldn't know where to find you if you didn't give her the insurance details.

Sounds like she's got a real problem controlling her temper, which isn't good in her line of work.

BumperlicicusTotalus · 11/07/2011 19:55

I really don't thing YABU at all. Your poor DD.

Dozer · 11/07/2011 19:58

That's gross misconduct and she should be sacked. if the nursery is part of a chain I would complain to the head office as well as the manager.

Were there any witnesses to her behaviour?

thefirstmrsrochester · 11/07/2011 19:59

Good lord!
She did this when she was still 'at work' in so far as it's was on nursery ground!
I have sympathy for those having an off day, busting a fuse etc but she is out of order!
She should expect to be disciplined for this.

superjobeespecs · 11/07/2011 20:00

i'd want her sacked and bugger an over-reaction that woman shouted and swore at you in her place of work in front of one of the children she is paid to look after and make feel safe. i'd be demanding her job and if they wont do that seriously consider an official complaint im angry on your behalf :(

Original poster
NotTooPissedOffButEnough · 11/07/2011 20:01

Thanks everyone. I was shocked that I was being shouted at like that by a woman who I meet almost everyday. Luckily I have another mother who witnessed this, and one of the managers relative was there aswell.

During this, she went running inside to her mother (who works there as a cleaner) and shouted "she's hit my car and now is trying to go home"......when her mother came out she could see the woman was overreacting and started apologising on her behalf, because all I could say was I was sorry and that she should calm down a bit.

OP posts:
unfitmother · 11/07/2011 20:03

YANBU, I can see why she'd be pissed off but she should be able to keep her temper.

Original poster
NotTooPissedOffButEnough · 11/07/2011 20:05

The nursery is privately owned and my DD has been going there since she was a baby. This woman has only started in the last 4 months or so. My daughter loves it there. She has loads of friends and all the carers treat her nicely. I am really worried about her now. The way the woman flipped was just not something I would not expect from someone who works with children.

OP posts:
TheOriginalFAB · 11/07/2011 20:05

YANBU at all.

This woman has totally over reacted. I thought you were going to say you had hit a child. It is a piece of metal ffs.

Feenie · 11/07/2011 20:08

This happened to me at work - I am a teacher, and someone's Grandma hit my car (hard) in the morning and then drove off! Another parent got her license plate and told me about it. When she came to pick her granddaughter up, she denied hitting me at all at first, until I pointed out the red paint and smashed rear light on her car Hmm. I was very firm, and made sure she gave me her details eventually, but even in that situation I knew I couldn't possibly shout and swear at her, even if I'd wanted to - it was in my place of work, and her gd was in my care.

Complain - she is completely out of order.

ensure · 11/07/2011 20:09

Totally unprofessional. She should be sacked really I think.

TidyDancer · 11/07/2011 20:12

YANBU. She was entitled to be annoyed with you and express that, of course, but she went over the top. I would complain in your shoes.