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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off by the way my daughter's nursery worker just shouted at me....

118 replies

NotTooPissedOffButEnough · 11/07/2011 19:45

Ok, so I'm 3 months pregnant (which is no excuse), but I was reversing out of the front of the nursery and accidently scratched the side of her car. I know it's my fault. I know I did something wrong and bad and ruined her car. I 100% know that I made the mistake.

What I am pissed off about is the way she started shouting and swearing at me infront of my daughter and also infront of other people on the street. Then she started asking me for my insurance details, so I told her I don't have them to hand and I could go home and get them if she wanted them - to which she replied "You are not fucking leaving and goin home".....(Like I was really going to do a runner, and disappear off the face of the Earth, when I send my daughter to this nursery everyday Hmm)...All this infront of my daughter. All this infront of my daughter that she had spent the day looking after. She took my Licence plate number and phone number and I am sure my insurance will pay out to her. I am so shocked at the way this woman shouted at me infront of my daughter.
If it was out of nursery, I wouldn't have cared, but ON NURSERY GROUNDS, and she was still at work, and INFRONT OF MY DAUGHTER.

My daughter got scared and started crying on the way home asking me what happened and why X was shouting at me. Now she's telling me she doesn't like X. No one has ever shouted at me like this infront of her before. My husband and I never argue loudly infront of her, and she doesn't understand why the woman who cares for her during the day was shouting at me.

What should I do? I tried to phone the nursery to complain to the manager about her behaviour but no one was answering. What do you think? I know I made a mistake, but was she right to shout at me like this? I don't think she was seeing as she was still at work.

OP posts:
TheOriginalFAB · 12/07/2011 11:03

If you decided to take your dd in to nursery today I hope she is okay.

Original poster
NotTooPissedOffButEnough · 12/07/2011 13:54

Hi everyone, thanks for the support. Thanks to izzy's advice, I wrote a letter and my version of events and took it along to nursery this morning. DH stayed at home this morning to lookafter DD.

Went and spoke to the manager, and she was shocked. She completely understood that the girl (well woman actually, as she is 24 years old) should not have spoken to me like that, and scared my DD. She agreed with everything I said.
The manager told me that apparantly her car had been hit last week aswell, and the person who hit it ran off - so she didn't understand why she was overreacting like that over a scrape.

I think during parts of the 30 minute conversation she was trying to smooth things over, naturally, as she didn't want her business to get into disrepute but I kept emphasizing the fact that she scared my DD.

The manager said that she will be showing her the letter and talking to her about her actions. I don't think this woman will be fired though. If she doesn't get fired, I won't send DD to nursery on the days she works. I wrote in the letter that I trust the manager and I trust the people who lookafter DD, that is why I send her to nursery. If I don't trust someone I can't leave DD in their care.

Overall, the meeting went well. I have known the manager for a long time, and she knows what kind of person I am. She is quite a strong minded woman, and I have seen her when she is annoyed with staff, so hopefully she will give this woman a piece of her mind and a clear warning "not to talk to her parents like that"; that is how she says she refers to all her children's parents.

OP posts:
elphabadefiesgravity · 12/07/2011 13:57

Glad it went well.

The manager will have to follow proper disciplinary procesdings, she can;t just fire someone or she could be taken to tribunal but it sounds like you are going to be taken seriously.

FourThousandHoles · 12/07/2011 14:02

elphaba I disagree slightly

if the manager decided that speaking to a parent (ie customer) in that manner constituted gross misconduct then she could be sacked immediately having still followed proper disiplinary procedures

I suppose it rests on what gross misconduct is

OP are you happy with the outcome? How easy will it be for you to keep your dc away from the woman in question?

pearlym · 12/07/2011 14:05

She however is NBU to ensure that she has all your details. My dh recently has been totally stiffed by someone who reversed into him having stopped with no warning in the middle of an A road. They were very apologetic at the time but are now saying that it was his fault and he drove into them (no way is that possible when you see the damage). So if I were her, in that situation, even though I knew you and saw you every day, I would not be leaving the scene until I had photographic evidence, witness statements and the police had attended. But I would be polite about it which is the difference

Get a life, whoever posted here, call the police re a scape? What a waste of time. The worker showed her true colours here , nasty piece of work who should be sacked. Of ocurse yuo were not going to run away and not provide detaisl

TartyMcFarty · 12/07/2011 14:07

I think you need to stick to your guns on not sending DD to nursery on the days she's there, but do you have a contingency plan?

mozette · 12/07/2011 14:37

Can the nursery worker not be moved to another room? Then you wouldn't have to keep your child off and pay for days that she won't be there

knittedbreast · 12/07/2011 15:00

she should not be sacked, you scratched her car up albeit accidently. of course shes going to shout at you!
i think you are taking it to heart too much, if you press ahead and start complaning to her manager about a knee jerk reaction to having her property damaged and she gets sacked- dont be surprised if she dousnt knock you out.

CherylWillBounceBack · 12/07/2011 15:15

knittedbreast - no one can deny it's fair enough that she was pissed off the OP hit the car, but her way of expressing it sounds complete unreasonable. Swearing in front of children she's supposed to be caring for is simply not cricket.

knittedbreast · 12/07/2011 15:18

no, but i doubt she calmly thought, hmm how can i make things worse? it was obv a gut reaction and i dont think you can blame peoples tempers when their action are based on instinct

Ormirian · 12/07/2011 15:18

No you are not being unreasonable.

You have insurance and she had no grounds to doubt that and it wasn't as if they didn't know who you were or where you lived!

There was absolutely no excuse for her behaviour. I would be very cross indeed and ask for her to be reprimanded.

AbigailS · 12/07/2011 15:20

Not saying the nursery worker was right, infact the opposite. But ... you won't believe how many parents swear in front of orat their children in the playground in front of school staff. It's amazing how many parents see nothing wrong with it. [hshock]

Ormirian · 12/07/2011 15:20

x-post

Good!

elphabadefiesgravity · 12/07/2011 15:24

I run children's classes. if the teacher of my early years session swore like that on the school car park in front of a parent or child they would be suspended pending disciplinary .

There are no circumstances I can think of where it would be acceptable to swear like that on front of a child you are paid to look after.

Original poster
NotTooPissedOffButEnough · 12/07/2011 15:25

I will have have to see what the manager does. Luckily we can work around the woman's work days so it shouldn't be a problem. My husband doesnt want the woman anywhere near DD, as he says the shouting was totally uncalled for. He witnessed a couple's brand new mercedes getting scratched by another man last week, and the driver calmly came out and got the insurance details from the offender and went on his way. Shouting does not get you anywhere in life. If she does knock me out, she will be committing GBH to a pregnant woman; and that means jail. I don't think anyone would be stupid enough to even think up something like that knittedbreastHmm

The room that DD is in, is directly connected to the room she supervises, and she is also outside supervising when children are playing in the garden, so it would be impossible to keep her away from DD.

I am happy that I spoke to the manager and aired my feelings. I feel better for it and she completely understood my point of view. Whether she fires her or not is up to her, but I definitely will keep DD away from the offending woman.

OP posts:
CherylWillBounceBack · 12/07/2011 15:27

knittedbreast - fair enough if the first thing she said was 'You fucking hit my car'. That's excusable - it's just a gut reaction. To continue to shout and scream though is completely repugnant behaviour considering her role and the location.

knittedbreast · 12/07/2011 15:30

i think you are being over dramatic, she shouted at you because you scratched her car, she was obviously angry, people swear when angry. men driving jags may not see a little scratch as such a big deal as those dont have as much.

its not like she swears at the parents and children ordinarily, and this was a once off.

i just think shel be mighly cross (and rightly so) if she is sacked or reprimanded for being angry with the woman that scratched her car in the first place, bit of a slap in the face no?
If your child was upset about the shouting could you not just say that everyone gets cross and sometimes people say things they shouldnt or that they dont mean? the world isnt fluffy fluffy nicey nicey

knittedbreast · 12/07/2011 15:31

i know what you mean, but she wasnt born a nursery nurse, shes just human and that was her gut reaction.

Ormirian · 12/07/2011 15:34

Hmmm... nope don't buy the 'only human' argument. That allows all sorts of appalling behaviour to go unchallenged. Adults need to be able to control themselves no matter if provoked. No-one was hurt, car was scratched not written off.

foxylady123 · 12/07/2011 15:36

YANBU That's awful. I work in a nursery and have seen cars dented by parents and yes of course its a bit annoying but it could happen to anyone. You can't talk to people like that, That's disgusting how she spoke to you. I would complain without a doubt, Threaten to take DC out of nursery if they don't do anything. The nursery will have a complaints policy. If me or anyone who i work with shouted like that we'd be sacked on the spot.
Good luck, don't let it go though.

HellonHeels · 12/07/2011 15:38

Well in that case what happens if a child really annoys her as sometimes a child might? If she cannot control her temper would it be OK to lash out verbally at a child? NO!

If her gut reaction is to lash out and swear she is not in the right job IMO.

JanMorrow · 12/07/2011 15:39

some people can control themselves when they're angry knitted.

fanjobanjowanjo · 12/07/2011 15:41

"she should not be sacked, you scratched her car up albeit accidently. of course shes going to shout at you!
i think you are taking it to heart too much, if you press ahead and start complaning to her manager about a knee jerk reaction to having her property damaged and she gets sacked- dont be surprised if she dousnt knock you out."

knitted breast It would be far enough if the OP had refused to admit fault and sort things out, but they held their hands up from the off, so there is NO reasonable excuse to eff and blind, especially in front of the kids. It's COMPLETELY out of order and unprofessional. The OP is entirely justified in complaining.

littletreesmum · 12/07/2011 15:42

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Insomnia11 · 12/07/2011 15:43

I wouldn't go off on one at a stranger like that for a silly mistake, let alone someone I knew. Hope it is all resolved to your satisfaction, OP.

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