To be pissed off by the way my daughter's nursery worker just shouted at me....

[NotTooPissedOffButEnough]

Ok, so I'm 3 months pregnant (which is no excuse), but I was reversing out of the front of the nursery and accidently scratched the side of her car. I know it's my fault. I know I did something wrong and bad and ruined her car. I 100% know that I made the mistake.

What I am pissed off about is the way she started shouting and swearing at me infront of my daughter and also infront of other people on the street. Then she started asking me for my insurance details, so I told her I don't have them to hand and I could go home and get them if she wanted them - to which she replied "You are not fucking leaving and goin home".....(Like I was really going to do a runner, and disappear off the face of the Earth, when I send my daughter to this nursery everyday )...All this infront of my daughter. All this infront of my daughter that she had spent the day looking after. She took my Licence plate number and phone number and I am sure my insurance will pay out to her. I am so shocked at the way this woman shouted at me infront of my daughter.
If it was out of nursery, I wouldn't have cared, but ON NURSERY GROUNDS, and she was still at work, and INFRONT OF MY DAUGHTER.

My daughter got scared and started crying on the way home asking me what happened and why X was shouting at me. Now she's telling me she doesn't like X. No one has ever shouted at me like this infront of her before. My husband and I never argue loudly infront of her, and she doesn't understand why the woman who cares for her during the day was shouting at me.

What should I do? I tried to phone the nursery to complain to the manager about her behaviour but no one was answering. What do you think? I know I made a mistake, but was she right to shout at me like this? I don't think she was seeing as she was still at work.

YANBU -sorry if I repeat advice but definitely talk her manager and say everything you have said here. Also write it all down as you have written it here and hand it to the manager after your meeting.
Hope it goes well.

Definitely speak to the manager. But do not be fobbed off with the excuse that it was "out of nursery time and therefore a private matter". You were still on the grounds, she was in uniform and therefore was representing the nursery in her manner and conduct.

YAdefNBU! I would be appalled if any of the staff I work with spoke to a parent like that, whether in front of the child or not. You say that one of the Manager's relatives was there - hopefully they will have contacted the Manager already to tell her what happened.

Good luck and let us know what happens.

You also need to think about some sort of warning re this woman ever approaching you for anything but insurance purposes in the future. She sounds very aggressive and needs to understand that you will not respond to thus with anything but legal action.

Similar thing happened to me, only I wasn't pregnant, just backed into a nursery worker's. car for reasons I've never quite fathomed.

In my case the woman was fine, accepted my apology stating "these things happen" and has been perfectly pleasant ever since. Which is what you would hope for. Im sure she was pissed off underneath but was too polite and professional to show it.

Deffo complain. Good luck

YADNBU.

Its a scratch, superficial. You have insurance and it will be fixed.

But for her to shout and swear like that in front of a charge of hers is truely beyond belief. You chose to send your DD to that nursery and she is letting it down which is unprofessional.

Complain to the manager about her conduct and report her to the police. You don't deserve this treatment for an accident.

Izzie's advice fantastic, write it down state you were on nursery premisis and she was still working. Disgusting behaviour - huge overreaction!

Thanks for the comments and advice everyone. It's making me feel so much better. My husband thinks I should just relax and see what the manager says in the morning.
I am so scared. My daughter has grown up with the children in her class, and they're her best friends. I don't want to take her out of there. I really hope the manager does something about this, because I don't want to unsettle DD just because of a crazy woman.

bringinghomethebacon The first thing I said to her was "Oh my God, I am so sorry. I don't know what happened. I am so sorry". That's all I could say. There was no reason for me to say anything untoward, because it was my fault. The whole time I kept my voice level down and repeatedly apologised and told her that I would pay for the damage. Everything I did or said to her, she retaliated with a rude shouty comment. There was absolutely no reason for me to shout. She just sounded very precious about her car.

thefirstMrsDeVere From what I remember from those old Always sanitary pad liners, that used to have random period facts on them (!) a woman parks better during her period due to hormones. Maybe pregnancy has the opposite effect?

YANBU and I look forward to hearing what happens tomorrow.

Wholly unacceptable behaviour from her whether at work or not.

I would ask the nursery to investigate and act accordingly and notify you of the outcome. I would also ask for temporary adjustments to ensure that your daughter feels safe there, maybe keep her off nursery until this is done?

If she was still at work, working... then why was she outside with her car? Or had you gone back into the nursery to ask whose car it was?

Not that it matters though the manager might want to know as the women may have left other children unattended or not in ratio.

With luck her mum will have calmed her down a bit. Maybe it's her first car and she's not yet done anything like bumping someone else's car.

I work in a nursery so I'm usually quite quick to defend nursery workers. But this girl deserves to lose her job, not only for being as unproffessional as she was towards you, but she scared your child. There is no excuse for that at all, and I would worry how she coped with her temper when children are annoying her. It's a certainty that they will!

She needs to lose her job, and I would be asking the manager how she plans on dealing with this. If you are not satisfied with the answer from her, you need to go to OFSTED. Really, she can't get away with behaving like that in front of children.

Then put a written complaint in to the Nursery concerned.
If she is that volatile and unable to control herself she shouldn't be working with kids!

Omg I can't believe somebody who works with children could behave like this on site and in front of your poor DD. She should not be allowed to work with children, I would feel really concerned about sending my DD back without knowing how the manager would deal with this situation.

Even if it is her first car, it shows a really bad side of how she deals with anger and just completely wrong for working with young and essentially vulnerable people.

You poor thing, you must be really shaken up. I'm 4 months pregnant and I'm doing the most stupid things all the time. But to have been spoken to like that in front of your DD would make me feel really upset right now.

Please let us know what happens tomorrow. Good luck, you are completely in the right.

Wow, what an over-reaction, you scratched the car not wrote it off! YANBU!

I would complain to the manager and want a formal apology made to both you and your daughter so that your daughter is reassured that the woman is not evil and frightening. I would want her to spend time talking very gently and nicely to your daughter (in you rpresence) about how she lost her temper, was very sorry and wouldn't be making a mistake like that again.

I wouldn't want her sacked though. Not unless it's not a first offence of this kind. Jobs are very hard to get and teachers aren't superhuman. Everybody's child is going to be scared by a shouting teacher at some point in their lives. It shoudn't happen at 3-4 years old but I don't think the fact that it has should ruin somebody's career forever. It could have been an isolated incident and there could be a background story to explain (though not excuse) her behaviour.

Good luck this morning :) Yanbu I can't believe anyone would think it was acceptable to act like this.

And I agree its a real worry that she works with children and can lose her temper as badly as this.

I'm sat here open mouthed at your post! In fact I'm finding it hard to believe this actually happened - not that I think you're lying - just that this is soooo unacceptable that I find it hard to believe that anyone would behave in this way. I would want her head on a stick whether it was on nursery grounds or not tbh - she has scared your daughter. And I would be wanting assurances from the manager before your dd returns that she will have no contact with this woman. She sounds completely unsuited to be working with children.

Wow that's awful! Everybody makes mistakes, no need to go on like that! Good luck with the manager this morning.
Incedentally, I remember a collegue telling me he had noticed women seemed to crash their cars lot more when they were pregnant, from his hugely scientific study sample of his wife/mother/sister! I rushed out and got one of those things that keep the seatbelt below the bump, gave me huge peace of mind. Although it turns out I onlycrash/scrape the car after my child is born!

good luck today

Marking place

What did manager say?

I would not expect be shouted at or sworn at by anyone, even if I had just scratched their car. Her being in the nursery and in front of your daughter is just extra bad! I reversed into a very senior person's car at work when I was tired, I left a note confessing my crime, they were charming about it and the insurance paid out. No big deal.

I wouldn't want to be friends, live near or have anything to do with someone who went ballistic if you scratched their car, let alone have her care for my daughter. She sounds horrible. See how remorseful she is, if she genuinely seems very upset by her actions, or there was some reason (e.g. death in the family) why she was closer to the edge than usual, I would be sympathetic. Otherwise horrid shouty people who can't contain their temper shouldn't be working in nurseries.

I hope your complaint today is taken very seriously. What a nasty vile person. If she had treated you with some respect in the first place the issue could have been resolved and her car fixed, easy.

Now she risks loosing her job. Then she won't be able to afford to keep her car and she can wave goodbye to getting another job working in a nursery. She really has shot herself in the foot!!!

Good riddance, i hate to think people like her are allowed to look after the little ones.

Good luck for today.
Huge overreaction on the nursery workers part there. I would certainly not be comfortable leaving my DD's in her care. The manager should take this very seriously. How can someone with such a short temper be working with children. She needs a big wake up call over her attitude and and anger issues.