Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off by the way my daughter's nursery worker just shouted at me....

118 replies

NotTooPissedOffButEnough · 11/07/2011 19:45

Ok, so I'm 3 months pregnant (which is no excuse), but I was reversing out of the front of the nursery and accidently scratched the side of her car. I know it's my fault. I know I did something wrong and bad and ruined her car. I 100% know that I made the mistake.

What I am pissed off about is the way she started shouting and swearing at me infront of my daughter and also infront of other people on the street. Then she started asking me for my insurance details, so I told her I don't have them to hand and I could go home and get them if she wanted them - to which she replied "You are not fucking leaving and goin home".....(Like I was really going to do a runner, and disappear off the face of the Earth, when I send my daughter to this nursery everyday Hmm)...All this infront of my daughter. All this infront of my daughter that she had spent the day looking after. She took my Licence plate number and phone number and I am sure my insurance will pay out to her. I am so shocked at the way this woman shouted at me infront of my daughter.
If it was out of nursery, I wouldn't have cared, but ON NURSERY GROUNDS, and she was still at work, and INFRONT OF MY DAUGHTER.

My daughter got scared and started crying on the way home asking me what happened and why X was shouting at me. Now she's telling me she doesn't like X. No one has ever shouted at me like this infront of her before. My husband and I never argue loudly infront of her, and she doesn't understand why the woman who cares for her during the day was shouting at me.

What should I do? I tried to phone the nursery to complain to the manager about her behaviour but no one was answering. What do you think? I know I made a mistake, but was she right to shout at me like this? I don't think she was seeing as she was still at work.

OP posts:
ENormaSnob · 11/07/2011 20:17

I would want her sacked.

Am pretty sure such threatening behaviour can be reported to the police.

Original poster
NotTooPissedOffButEnough · 11/07/2011 20:18

Thanks for the replies everyone, I am feeling a little more confident about speaking to the manager about this now.

OP posts:
thederkinsdame · 11/07/2011 20:20

Take charge of the situation by going in tomorrow am with your insurance details (to show her you are being calm an reasonable as the employee may have already said something).

Speak to the manager and explain that you did not have them to hand so are bringing them in at the earliest available opportunity. I would then go on to say that you were absolutely horrified at the way you were spoken to and question whether the employee should be working with children. I would also point out that she has terrified your daughter and, if you can make alternative arrangements, I would withdraw her until it is sorted. At the very least, the worker should apologise to you in front of your daughter so your daughter can understand that it was out of character, but personally I wouldn't want someone so aggressive round my kids.

YellowDinosaur · 11/07/2011 20:21

Good luck - you are TOTALLY in the right to speak to her manager.

Let us know how you get on...

ilovemydogandMrObama · 11/07/2011 20:23

Wow. The fact that she lost her temper is really of concern.

You need to discuss it with the manager, who really should try and ensure that you are given an apology for her behavior, but also some sort of plan as to how to repair the relationship with your DD. Maybe she needs to apologize to your DD also, or rather for scaring her? What about a meeting with all of you to discuss the way forward? She may still be on probation so will want to be cooperative.

There may be something behind this though. Could it be that she isn't insured? Did you ask her for her insurance details as it would be dealt with by your insurance company to hers and you should also report it.

LRDTheFeministNutcase · 11/07/2011 20:24

Yes, you are entirely in teh right! It was an accident ffs. You didn't hurt anyone, you just scraped a car. I'm sure it'll be expensive to fix but it's not as if you intended to do it!

If she has such poor control over her temper I wonder why she would be working with children?

eurycantha · 11/07/2011 20:31

I`ve had a parent hit my car when I was working in a nursery ,she came in and told me v sorry she had hit me and gave me her details ,but the idea of shouting at her is just totally wrong.I also would not want someone working in my nursery or caring for my child [if I had one]who could not control her temper.I always think that one of the most important traits you need when caring for children is patience ,It sounds like this woman has none.Complain tomorrow.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 11/07/2011 20:33

How badly is the other car scratched? If you have an excess on your policy, or if you haven't got a protected no-claims bonus, it may be worth paying to have the necessary work done without making any claim on your insurers.

While the incident is fresh in your mind write out a factual account of what occurred and at what time and what verbal exchanges took place and in what tone of voice, without making any subjective comment as to whether what was said was appropriate.

Write a separate letter of complaint to the Manager of the nursery outlining your concern at a) the manner in which you were spoken to by a member of staff, b) at the unnecessary use of abusive language, and c) the effect this staff member's behaviour has had on your dd.

Ask to see the Manager when you drop your dd off tomorrow, give them your letter of complaint with your account of the incident attached, and ask if they have time to discuss your concerns immediately. If not, don't leave the nursery until you have spoken to your dd's key worker.

If this incident occurred on nursery premises and during nursery hours the worker should be disciplined, and you should receive an apology.

superjobeespecs · 11/07/2011 20:36

as your LO has been there for a long time and this worker only a few months i'd hope that your custom as it were was more important to the manager than this womans employment, the manager wouldnt be breaching contract as the worker behaved innapropriately (awful sp!!) in the workplace good luck for tomorrow i hope its resolved quickly and easily for you and your poor wee DDs sake :)

Original poster
NotTooPissedOffButEnough · 11/07/2011 20:37

Thanks izzy, that is really good advice; I appreciate it alot. I will put DD to bed and do just that.

OP posts:
AbigailS · 11/07/2011 20:37

Poor you. I think the worker behaved badly. Having seen some of the parents attempting to park at my school, my DC's school and the nursery, with their mind soley on their DC or being late for work and not on the fact it is a place that has many very young children who are not always adequately supervised by their parents I would be grateful it was just a car you hit and not a child.

DirtyMartini · 11/07/2011 20:38

Just adding to all the other messages saying YANBU (& marking place to see the outcome!). I'd be horrified if any of the staff at our kids' nursery were to lose it this way.

FFS at "now she's trying to go home".

It sounds like she has a barely-controlled resentment thing going on and it doesn't take much to make her lose control. I'd be seriously concerned about any child being potentially in the firing line of someone with anger management issues all day long in a nursery environment - would really worry me.

Hope your DD is OK and not too troubled.

MoonGirl1981 · 11/07/2011 20:42

Ewwwww!! They let some bawling swearing witch look after children?

Crumbs!!

Yup, manager tomorrow no doubt about it. Possibly the police too as it is an offence to swear at people and you can end up with an £80 fine.

The manager needs to know that this woman's actions frightened your daughter.

Yes, you scratched her car, stuff like that happens on a day to day basis, these things happen. She sounds unhinged!!

:(

LisaD1 · 11/07/2011 20:44

OMG, what a headcase she sounds! I would want her sacked, there is absolutely NO excuse for such behaviour, least of all whilst in her nursery uniform in front of nursery children.

I think in your position I would do as Izzy suggests but I would also email a copy of the letter to the manager this evening so it is in her inbox when she logs in tomorrow.

I understand people react when in shock but you scratched her car, you didn't murder her cat! and you were trying to deal with it.

Lunatic.

Hope your DD is ok, poor little thing.

AuntiePickleBottom · 11/07/2011 20:45

she went ott, i tbh i don't think she is suited to looking after children with such a short fuse.

i hope something get done.

hopw you are ok, what a stressful thing for anyone to go through, but even more as you are pregnant

Original poster
NotTooPissedOffButEnough · 11/07/2011 20:45

Yes dirtymartini when she made that comment I nearly burst out crying - I was NOT trying to go home. Where the hell would I have hidden? The nursery have my address and phone numbers, my bank details, the address and phone numbers of my relatives.....I could not have hidden. I was just sat in the car because I wanted to stay with my daughter because she was obviously getting worried by her shouting.

OP posts:
VelveteenRabbit · 11/07/2011 20:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Strawberrysorbet · 11/07/2011 20:48

I would call a meeting with the manager, and threaten to call OFSTED (not sure whether you can do that) but I would do my best to get her sacked. She shouldn't work with kids if she has such a temper. And it wouldn't be fair on your DD to move nurseries, it's not her fault.

MogandMe · 11/07/2011 20:49

YANBU and as someone who has worked in a nursery - the manager should take this extremely seriously.

Let us know what happens :)

beatofthedrum · 11/07/2011 20:49

That is appalling, I agree with everyone else, she is definitely under obligation to behave in a professional manner at work and the fact that your dd witnessed her being aggressive and extremely rude makes her entirely unsuitable to be anywhere near your child at nursery again. I think a sackable offence.

razzlebathbone · 11/07/2011 20:54

I would not want someone like that looking after my children. Swearing and shouting at their mother in full view?? No way. She needs to go.

thefirstMrsDeVere · 11/07/2011 21:00

YANBU to be furious and upset. I hope you do complain.

Sorry to hijack but I cannot park properly when pg. I am good usually because I use my car for work and do home visits in London so am always parking in tiny spots.

But I am utterly rubbish when pg.

Is there a scientific explaination for this?

I am genuinely sorry you were upset like this OP, it must have been awful for you and your DD.

bristol10 · 11/07/2011 21:11

YANBU. Marking spot.

EllieG · 11/07/2011 21:16

lord, if that was me I'd want her very, very reprimanded, if not sacked. I would not want someone like that caring for my daughter. You are completely right to be so upset.

elphabadefiesgravity · 11/07/2011 21:21

YANBU

Accidents happen - thats what we have car insurance for. Mycar is a company car so I don't have the details to hand and I bet there are loads of people who don;t off the top of their head know the name o their insurance company. Dh doesn;t becasue I organise it for them.

She was not unreasonable to want to take your full contact details including car reg. She was totally out of order toshout and swear i front of your dd.

I would want her to face disciplinary action.

Another mum at school wrote off my car. I said to her calmly that the best thing to do was to take the kids into school and sort it out afterwards afterwards with regards to insurance etc. I was just glad that my dc and her dc who were in the cars at the time were fine.

Someone else went into me on a car park. She was terrified I was going to go mad but I just said, never mind thats what insuarance is for.