AIBU to call my 14 year old dd a "fucking bitch"

[NotSuchASmugMarriedNow]

- i didn't say it outloud, I just said it to myself in my head

she is being absolutely vile and thinks she can talk to me like something she trod in and I am sick to the back teeth of being spoken to disrespectfully.

I spent £40 on art supplies for her art exhibition she is doing this coming Friday. Today I started a job and I might not be able to go to her exhibition because I might be working Friday night. I have paid for her and supported her and driven her to her art activities all year long - I told her today I might not be able to go because of work but that I would be able to get there for the after-party and she said

"if you can't come to the exhibition don't bother coming to the after-party - i'd be embarresed if you were there anyway"

her db, ds and dad can go, it's just me that can't.

MsTeak - you're right, I should have said something there and then but i felt as though i just had to bite my tongue at the time.

She said it because she's disappointed you're not coming, and this way she's covering it up and you feel bad too. YANBU to be pissed off at it, but that's why she said it. I'm a secondary teacher and even the nicest, most polite teenagers are capable of saying the most breath-takingly cruel things at times.

OP it's likely, like others have said, that she is sad you can't come, so is being aggressive as a defensive measure... 'I didn't want you to come anyway so ner'

You were right not to say anything at the time. You are biting your tongue and being the adult. If you bite back then it would escalate, no?

You did (and thought) the right thing. For what it's worth my DD was horrendous from 13 - 17. Then one day she apologised for everything she put me through, thanked me and bought me lunch.

and she's not just a 14 year old. She's yours and you love her so of course she can hurt your feelings. It's when you don't even feel anything that you should be worried.

I would be incredibly upset if my DD spoke to me like that, and at 18 she never has (no we are not particularly strict with her). Just because someone is a teenager does not excuse them from treating people with consideration.

Maybe you should offer a bit less help and support for a while, and hopefully it will sink in that she can't treat the people who love her like that.

Teenagers behave like this so that they can leave home without you hanging onto their leg wailing "don't leave me". It's nature getting you ready to be relieved that they've gone.

My 14 year old is like Jekyl and Hyde, one minute she is an absolute joy to be around and the next she is a shrieking banshee with no control skills.

I was brought up beautifully. I just turned into a monster for a short spell around 15. Don't worry OP - teenagers are psychopaths. Literally. But they grow out of it. YANBU and you did well not to say it out loud. Make sure she knows she upset you though x

Perhaps LeQueen it just might be that your friends wouldnt let on if their teens spoke to them in this way?

Because it is really shocking when it happens and embarrassing. Specially if you have a group of friends who are quite judgemental about this sort of thing.

(this is not meant to be snarky though I expect it comes across as such but if I add a it will look passive agressive and that would be even worse )

My son did it because he wanted to be kicked out because he was convinced he would get given a flat

He was definately NOT bought up to belive that!

Peer pressure - the devil's work.

i was utterly vile at that age. I have much respect for my mum because she just let me get on with it. Not sure I'll be so solid.

at your charmed life LeQueen

What have you been feeding them? Prozac?

Oh and watch out LeQueen - I find if they don't rebel in their teens they do it later in life which is far worse. Seen so many people at Uni who never said boo to a goose whilst they were growing up but then go completely mental as soon as they are away from home - like a late onset adolesence. Best to do it early.

mrspnut It's nature getting you ready to be relieved that they've gone.

That is a very good point!

mrspnut I laughed when that was on TV. I didn't think for one moment that it was actually true.
But now I can't watch it without feeling the pain of having a child turn into the teenager from hell.
DS is 22 and has always been well-behaved. DD is 14 and has really tested my reserves as a parent.
I also have the world's best death-stare, it still works on DS but no longer on DD.

well fingers crossed they are just unusually well behaved!